What Works For You?

Isn’t it funny how one little thing can open up a door of motivation or inspiration? I’ve been feeling unmotivated lately. This week I made a phone call to a friend and left a silly message using our 'back porch' accent. Suddenly I felt like I could write, like I wanted to say things, do things. Like waking up on the right side of the bed. (Currently if I wake up on the wrong side I hit the wall. Literally I mean.) Other funny things will open up doors of inspiration too, or the feeling of being yourself again, a reminder that life is hopeful, that what seemed unsolvable now has possibility. Sunshine in dark cobwebby corners.

On this topic of motivation…how do you discover the best way that they personally work? I remember in college a professor recommending to a classmate that instead of doing something this way (say plowing through, sticking to one thing until finished, etc.) because of his personality he should try stepping outside the ‘norm’ and do it this other way (working in bursts of time, not holding to just one project.) Using what works for you instead of adhering to what you consider the ‘right’ way to do something can increase your productivity not to mention relieving self placed pressure. I say this like I know, I’m guessing that this would be true.

When I was in YWAM our first few weeks were for class time and lectures. Before we started our leaders talked to us about how different people learn in different ways. We were given permission to stand and walk around if it didn’t bother our teachers and if it helped us to concentrate/take it in. We also had things like stress balls, things that could keep our hands busy if we were tactile learners. And some people do best with the good old fashioned sit still and listen. I recently heard someone echo what my best friend in college told me in regards to studying- how if you just paid attention in class you shouldn't’t have problems. But while that worked for him, I can pay attention, I can listen, I can take notes, but it does not mean that I will absorb. Maybe part of that is over stressing, and feeling like I won’t absorb it. Perfection poison.


I feel like I get stuck trying to do things the way I think they should be done, the way they ‘ought’ to be done, when maybe that’s just blocking me and isn’t beneficial. Where’s the line between discipline and trying to force a mold that isn’t working? Thoughts?

Bits and pieces

It is officially cold in New York City. It took it's time getting here but it has now arrived and coats, scarves and hats can make their way out of closets and drawers and suitcases and store shelves now. Apparently this Halloween weekend we actually have a forecast for snow. While this does mean I'm more eager to have a cup of tea or coffee in the morning it strangely doesn't deter me from wanting my window open or filling an ice cream craving.

In other news classes are great and I'm learning lots. Stella Adler has what I was looking for and I love it. We're halfway through this first semester. It was my aim to be present in my classes, to enjoy each moment, and I thought it may be a difficult goal as it usually is in other areas of my life. Not so. I'm not ever quite ready for my class to end, I don't watch the clock, am not eager to get out and 'get on' with whatever comes next. Which is certainly good given it's why I came here but even with things that we like to do or are driven to do, there's still often that watch the clock mentality.

I will say that my job is a different matter. :) But having one is certainly good and I'm going to be pursuing other options as it's only temporary holiday work anyway.

I'm soon going to be switching over to a new blog address. My 'new' g-mail address won't connect to this account and it's a pain to have it seperate. So once I decide on a good URL that's actually available I believe it will be time to begin again.

from then to now ~

hmmmm. Recap of writing absence....

Last bit of March ~ wound up Florida visit and 'baby tour'. Last day of Florida visit sent out my application for Stella Adler Studio of Acting Evening Conservatory in New York.





April ~ Visits at The Burrow with family. Send audition video to Stella Adler Studio. 7th annual AmeriCorps Reunion in Baltimore, MD.
Telephone interview with Stella Adler Studio. Acceptance to Stella Adler Studio. Excitement but uncertainty regarding Stella Adler Studio/NY. A good Easter at my Aunt Beckie's house with aunts, uncles and cousins.
A week in Indiana at CPAF.

May ~ Indiana to Alaska. One month fill in on the boat. Wonderful welcome there. Hard work, gorgeous scenery, great day off which included hiking, kayaking, and a zodiac tour through morning fog where we saw a sea lion tear into a HUGE halibut. Incredible experience with a humpback who hung out by our bow for over half an hour, slapping his fins playfully. Even the naturalists were astounded by this unusual activity. It was beautiful.

June ~ Finished up the fill in on the boat (how lovely to be there for only a month!) and flew back to Indiana to help out around the CPAF offices before Masterworks. Stayed at the Doric and had a nice time visiting and working and resting. MasterWorks began and Brandon and I discovered we were a decade older than the rest (excepting Danny and Josh) of the theatre group. Our show was Cyrano and I had the great priviledge of being entrusted with the role of Roxane.

July ~ Masterworks continues. As usual, a wonderful time. So great to work on a show again and also be a part of a Christian community, to see God working and speaking in your life and the lives of those around you. Wonderful theatre group that I loved getting to know and work with. The show goes really well, and we felt that God answered our prayers regarding it. Had a delightful time and was sad to see it end. Stayed a week longer with a small group of others and we had a post Masterworks time of rest, fellowship, movie watching and the like. Not to mention cinnamon rolls, jazz and a wicked thunder storm. Came home to the Burrow realizing that NY was coming closer and feeling so unsure.

August ~ spent time at The Burrow. Visited friends. Celebrated Bergen's brithday. Helped Dev teach a theatre camp for 5-9 year olds and was daily entertained by the things they would say. Searches on Redeemer Pres Classifieds for rooms in NY. Finally worked out a time to go up to the Big Apple to scout out rooms and scope out the city, see how I felt.

Two weeks ago ~ left on a bus for NY, unsure of how long patchwork couch crashing would allow me to stay, unsure of much, and nervous about the city.

To present ~ stayed in the city for two whole weeks. Saw God answering prayers, providing and suprise...found myself falling for the city.
All of my worlds collide there too and I found hospitality, help and kindness from all arenas of my life so far; AmeriCorps (Milena), Masterworks (Rich and Joyce), Belhaven/Jackson (Bonnie and Alex), the Boat (Danny and Becky) and YWAM was in NY so I was reminded of that just by being there. And from my new NY friend who is in a similar boat~ Emma Sutton (thanks Gert.)

Home at the Burrow. Packing up to move. Big Apple adventure, here I come.

~Psalm 121~

Pictures notes and credits;
1- AmeriCorps Reunion; Jordan, me, Mel, Tager, Jeanna. Photo- Mrs. Tager with Mel's prof camera.
2- Easter; Twins, Dev and me
3-Humpback whale, Alaska, from the NGSeaBird. Photo-Leah Eaton
4-Cyrano de Bergerac; Brandon Langeland, me. Photo- MWF tech team.
5- Stella Adler Studio Sign; photo fromwww.stellaadler.com

....Hello Land

I last left this blog in LaPaz Mexico with a 'Farewell part one' which was to imply that there would be other parts but here I am a month later and no such thing has of yet been fulfilled. And so a new title I think. But still from where I left off...
Waking up the next morning and leaving the hotel to find an empty dock was a little strange. I had breakfast at an Mexican restaurant with an outdoor patio. I wasn't sure what I ordered when I ordered it but it was a tasty breakfast. I also enjoyed a last La Fuentes ice cream and took it out to the beach. Passionfruit and guava. Yummy!
Leaving La Paz in the afternoon I landed in LA and met up with a YWAM friend, Melinda, who finished film school and recently made the move to LA. She showed me around the next day and we went to Grauman's Chinese Theater and I took lots of pictures of all the different famous handprints. It was pretty fabulous. Melinda told me what it was like to live in LA and as I gushed about some of the exciting things we saw and about my passion for acting she stopped me and told me that if I was really passionate about it, really serious about it that I needed to be here, in LA.
That night I sat in on an acting class at John Kirby's studio. I'd been curious about John's studio and about LA in general for a long time and so this short trip was to appease that curiousity and see if this is somewhere I'd actually be interested in being. I very much enjoyed the class, the actors all did very good work and I enjoyed seeing John and Nathan again too. I got a hotel room close to the airport and went to sleep feeling like living in LA would be more feasible than I had originally thought.

~

From LA I flew to St. Louis to stay with my best friend/little sister Kaelen and her husband Drew and to meet their beautiful baby son, Abel. It was a welcome change of pace to be in their home in St. Charles, talking with Kae, cuddling Abel, taking in a season I hadn't seen any of this year. Kaelen took me downstairs and showed me my 'room'. With loving care she had sectioned off a corner of the basement with pretty curtains and made a room for me complete with a bed, dresser, rug, lamp and Christmas lights. It was decorated in the familiar fashion of our times at Belhaven, the signature Kaelen draped fabrics, and in my colors, Christmas lights for me, and dark chocolate on the pillow. It was so welcoming and lovely, I nearly cried.

It was so good to spend time with them, to meet my 'nephew', get to know Drew better, catch up with Kae. I hadn't seen her since her wedding over a year before. Things in our life change but our rythym is always there and it's easy to reconnect. I'd originally wondered if staying a week was too long, to which Kaelen quickly corrected me, and when it was time to leave I found that the time had flown.

~

Home yet? Not quite. From St. Louis I flew to Florida where I've spent the last three weeks with my aunt and cousins. We've had fun, sometimes going to the beach, sometimes playing with Tyler (my 7 year old cousin), or riding bikes, or just talking and laughing. I made Theresa laugh the other day because I jumped in her cold pool and for someone who has lived in Florida as long as she has a March pool dive is just ridiculous. Our most fun day was just this past week when we went to Boca Grande and spent an hour out on the sea kayaks. As soon as the kayak hit the water a smile hit my face and it was grand.

Between times here with Theresa I've taken a trip to Orlando to see my friend Erin and go to an (unsuccesful) audition. We had a delightful time and she surprised me and took me to Disney World for the first time. SO much fun. We also watched Carol Burnett and met up amazingly with my aunt, uncle and cousins from Virginia who happened to be in town! I also took a trip to Sanibel Island to meet my Mom's best friend from Jr. High. We walked on the beach and she told me that I had my Mama's feet. hehe.

I've been taking my time here because I was hoping to meet my new cousin (baby tour remember?) who usually lives here but is currently in New Zealand with her Mom and Dad ( my cousin Lora and her husband Dan ) We found out they aren't returning to May and I need to see my own family before then so I leave on Thursday for West Virginia! Mountain Mama, take me home, down country roads....

I'll be home through Easter, visiting with my family (woot!), catching up with some friends, doing taxes (yay) and all that jazz. And then after Easter I'll head to Winona Lake, IN to help out at CPAF before MasterWorks in June where I get to be a counselor and attend the Festival! Woot! And so that, in a nutshell, is the past and next few weeks. In case you wanted to know. ;)

Farewell SeaBird ~ Part One

As fellow stew Jackie Daum recently wrote in a subject line to her e-mail, Operation Sea Bird Successful! Hurrah! Six months of stewarding at sea completed. For the week leading up to going I was so, so excited. We had a truly good expedition week seeing everything from Mama & calf grey whale pairs, to beautiful weather and sunsets/rises, to breaching humpbacks, to blue whales very, very close to the boat and outlined partially under the water in a white silhouette. Plus we had a really good group of guests, mostly German who understood very little of what most of us said (intro's went something like "Hello" "He llo. Thank you." "Yes, well, this is your pa system..." "Thank you" "Your shoilet..." "Thank you" "We ask that you reuse your towels...' "Thank you." "We have complimentary champagne in the lounge..." "Champagne!" This they understood.) and who thoroughly enjoyed their time. The ship usually goes to bed or at least goes quiet guest wise pretty soon after dinner if there isn't any lecture or video scheduled, but the Germans? The Germans stayed up and talked and sang and danced- not kidding, danced-and of course, drank. Our bartender was becoming rather nervous about how his stores were going to hold out as the week went on and the Germans drank him out of bar and home. They knew how to have a good time and they were grateful and excited about what they saw and did.

So the whole week I was excited about my near freedom and then came the day and as I turned my cabins with the replacement stew Chrissy, and felt how weird it was watching someone begin to take over for me, and realised the group of people that I wouldn't work in again (not that I wouldn't come back but that boat chemistry and staff is constantly changing) I began to feel the bittersweetness, and the edge of sadness that came with the excitement of freedom. This boat, with its good and its bad, it's extremes of excitement and difficulties, had been my home for the past six months and it was now time to go. I was ready to go, but it was also sad.

The goodbyes were drawn out as I returned to the boat once for my passport and to say goodbye to Kathy. I came back at the end of the day because I'd bumped into one of the naturalists who was also getting off and she was looking for Carlos. It was good that I came back then. The boat was picturesque with the sun setting and the hustle and bustle of crew all dressed up to welcome guests on board. It was fun to see it from the outside looking in. I've always enjoyed seeing the boat from off of it, and watching it like a play or movie set with so many different things going on at once in different parts of the boat. I love that.

I saw Kathy on the fantail and she ran up to the top deck because that's where the gangway was. I met her there and gave her a real hug since before I'd had to wake her up from a nap to say goodbye. She had a pretty lily in her hair which she took out and gave to me. I'd just bought a rose on the street and wondered who it belonged to. So then I knew and gave it to Kathy. She told me to wait, that Jordan was coming.

Ian came up the steps in his deckhand garb, Jordan in his third mate uniform and there was Kathy all stew like. And so began the most fabulous goodbye ceremony I've ever been a part of.
Jordan: (presentationally) Rachel Faith Feet Whitacre
Kathy: (reminding) Faitharellie
Jordan: Faitharellie
Kathy: Rellie
Jordan: Rellie
Kathy: Rells
Jordan: (turning to Kathy and transfering temporarily out of the pretend decorum and into conversational questioning) Just 'Rells'?
(Faith and Kathy nod and say over one another)
Kathy: Just Rells Faith; I like Rells
Jordan: (returning to presentation modeP) Rells
Ian: Grumpy Pants
Jordan: Grumpy Pants Whitacre we present to you with all pomp and decorum...
Ian: (with hand gestures) Pomp. Decorum.
Jordan: this flag which flew over the Sea Bird for at least one of the seasons which you worked.
(they hand me a flag and then stand to attention most comically and salute in the sunset. It was delightful.)

I then gave hugs to the three of them and took my flag and my lily and walked down the gangplank to sit on the patio at the hotel and wave goodbye when the SeaBird disembarked.

Oh Happy Day

So I have definitely dropped off of the countdown, not for lack of things going on but for lack of time to write about them. I won’t waste a lot of time going back over them just yet as today was marvelous and I want to write about that instead. I will however say that for the first two days of this week it seems that I have woken up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’ (“Wow that must hurt. You’ve only got one side.” says Ian.) and have been rather grumpy and easily angered. Last week blues apparently but I would like to finish strong, not grumpy.

Anyway.

Today was my last morning in Magdalena Bay. I wanted to go out in the morning and try once more to touch whales. Sam was kind enough to switch days off with me to make this possible and last night Ian, not knowing that I had the day off, offered to cover for me so I could go out. This was a very nice offer particularly considering that he is a deckhand and not in the steward realm. Everyone has been very kind and encouraging about me trying to touch the whales. It’s very sweet and I feel quite loved.

On this past turn day Captain, who has been probably my biggest supporter in the whole deal-well, aside from Kathy anyway, was talking about getting a crew boat out .

“And somebody needs to hold faith by the ankles so she can touch one of the damn things.“ hehehe. Thanks Captain Kay.

Last week I was saying to someone that well if I didn’t touch one it was okay, that I had had a wonderful experience with Kathy, that I had seen the big beautiful eye so close, that it had all been amazing. Then beside me Captain said, “Plus, there’s always next year.”

And I found myself repeating ‘And there’s always….Captain!’

Yesterday he kept saying “This is it. This is the day Faith.” It wasn’t, but it made me happy that he wanted it to be. Plus we had a wonderful outing on the crew boat, seeing them, trying to call them closer, following cow calf pairs, watching them roll and fluke and blow.

~

I woke up early this morning, despite a fairly late night and a recent lack of sleep to try and fit on the seven o’clock zodiac trip. Trinity hadn’t been sure that there would be room. While I was getting ready Daisey came in- “Rawr!” she said. “We’re having coffee on the lido if you want to come.”

“I do!”

I went upstairs to the lido where Leah, Kathy, Becky and Daisey were setting up chairs while the sun rose. It was a beautiful morning on the water with the sun making the clouds pink. Kathy split a warm, freshly made blueberry muffin with me and Daisey passed me half a banana. I sat for a few minutes, enjoying the company and the view before I had to go downstairs to find out if there was zodiac room.

I sat in the crew lounge and chatted with Ian and Jordan while getting my life vest on. “Do you want my jacket?” Ian asked. “It will keep you toasty warm.” It can get rather cold out on the bay in the morning…particularly because I usually get my sleeves wet splashing around for whales….and I was happy to take him up on the offer. Trinity opened the fantail door “You want to go out on this one.” she said, and I hopped happily out the door to find myself in Carter and Williams boat, a good pair. (Carter is Jordan’s big brother and our bosun) Captain wished me a farewell, “Go for it girl!”

~

We saw blows right away and followed a couple of pairs. Some of them were rainbow blows, the mist catching the morning light just right to make a rainbow. Most of the zodiacs went on ahead but we stayed with a Mama and calf that had surfaced fairly close. We had seen a baby approach the EL’s zodiac before they left again. Just as we were about to leave ourselves up came baby. Each time he came up I would find myself either squealing or coaxing. “C’mon baby! Aqui!”, and I would splash and splash the water.

“Call them over Faith!” Carter encouraged.

I don’t remember the order of events. I don’t remember when they decided to become friendlies. I remember the Mama shooshing the baby away at one point before they did. I remember watching baby roll off of Mama’s back so so close. I remember being pleased even at just how close we were seeing them. And Carter switching seats with me when they were getting close to one side of the raft. And then I remember William, “Here! Here! Here! Oh my!” Baby was right there. His mouth, with patches of white, coming up out of the water from, his body maybe under the boat. William was touching and I think he and Carter both were telling me it was there. Carter may have even called my attention to it, like I say, I don’t quite recall. But I do know that I reached and reached and then! Oh! I touched that beautiful baby! And since I touched his lips it’s like I got a whale kiss. Oh my.

I was so happy. So happy. Baby bumped us and our zodiac moved. And Mama and baby just kept coming back to play. Carter kept letting me know where they were, while he himself was flipping out over them too. He’d never touched one til that day either. We could see their big beautiful forms under the water, on one side, then underneath our boat, then on the other side. We could see them come closer to the surface. Mom’s body coming closer, closer and you can hardly believe how big this thing is and how close it is to you and it takes your breath away, and then up she comes, you can see her flipper, it’s right beside you and you reach out and touch her. I got to touch Mama and baby.

Then baby came back up, his mouth out of the water again and I thought I could kiss him. So I tried. But he was just farther than I thought and if they hadn’t pulled me back I certainly would have fell in. Right after this near spill Mama knocked the boat and we rocked. (Let me just say that they are so gentle. When they bump our boats it isn’t malicious at all. They don’t ever show us aggression.)

It was getting close to time that we had to had back and up they came again. I gasped to be able to see, under the water, that they were ‘standing up’. Both Mama and baby were vertical in the water and I could see most of the length of their bodies. It was just incredible. Marvelous. Breathtaking.

My face hurt from smiling as we headed back to the ship. I couldn’t wait to tell Captain. I was so full with the fact that on this last day, in the last half hour possible, I had touched a whale. I praised and thanked God. I smiled and smiled and sometimes I laughed.

When we got back the guests getting off (who had had a wonderful time. Oh! There was this one middle age man who kept talking all this non-whale, middle age man talk with William in the most boring way. Sometimes while there were whales about us! Then he would stand up to take pictures entirely unaware of me and blocking my sight. Once he sat on my hip. I was a bit annoyed. But then, when the whales came close, he was one of the first reaching hopefully and excitedly to touch. It was really cute.)

Told Captain that we had touched whales. “Did Faith touch one? She had to have.”

“Yes!” I squeaked from the back. “I did!”

He gave me a big hug.

When I went into the boat, happy and jumping with my news, I discovered how much the people I work with had been sending me good hopes and wishes for the morning. It was so dear and nearly as good as touching the whales. It was funny to see that it was ‘news’ and to see how quickly said ‘news’ spread. The Chief Mate came down to the crew lounge where I was enjoying breakfast and mouthed “Congratulations” though I had not yet told her. I had hugs and happiness waiting for me back at the Sea Bird.

It was a happy morning. And wonderful closure to the end of my six month contract.

Bonita

From my journal…(with just a little spit shine)

January 27

‘Whales. Whales, whales, whales whales whales, oh my goodness whales. Kathy and I went out on the last Zodiacs for whale watching at Mag Bay (Magdelena Bay) this afternoon. We got Jordan for our driver and we got Carlos too. (Carlos is a naturalist on the boat. He is from Baja California.) We had three guests, Darlene from the NY office and the ships Doctor.

We were out for about an hour and a half I guess, me praying praying praying praying to Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit &, why not, asking Mary & St. Francis for their prayer help too that we would touch a whale. We saw several, often quite close but not touchable. We nearly ran into a pair they surfaced so quickly and close. We saw flukes and baby breaches & two swimming pretty much on top of each other. (It was all amazing. It was wonderful to see it from the close perspective, not only distance wise but from where we were on the water as opposed to the usual high up position of the boat.)

And then when we’d been out for almost the whole time we had a mom and calf so close. Kathy and I started splashing because Daisey had told her that this helps. It must. They came closer. Oh. My. Goodness.

We followed them and they us. Baby coming up, head out of the water, I’m hoping he’s curious about us. Mama coming up. Oh my Mama. Soooo much bigger, barnacles on her back. Kathy and I lay on our bellies over the side, splashing and calling( “Don’t forget, these whales speak Spanish.”reminds Carlos. Oh great. Because we know Spanish. Except we don’t) and generally freaking out.

Some of Kathy’s finest;

“Look at you! Stop it! Stop bein so handsome! Look at him! Look at his little nostrils! I don’t know why it’s a he. Sorry guys its just a he. I need you, I love you! You need me too you just don’t know it yet! Oh my goodness his lips!”

Priceless.

We would all move from one side of the boat to the other as necessary. So close, so close…& yet…

Still I prayed.

Up they came. Right beside us, there was Mama. I stuck my hand in- couldn’t reach. Arm, fleece and all, in the water. I feel a hand on my ankle- Carlos making sure these two crazy women don’t fall or jump in.

Kathy touches.

“Oh my goodness! Look at you! You feel like an olive!”

I plunge my face in. She’s so close but I still can’t reach her. When I think of this even now I’m not at all sure how it is possible that I couldn’t touch her. She was RIGHT there, I was at almost the same point in the boat as Kathy, and I have longer arms not to mention my face was in the water. I was a tad concerned that my life jacket was going to inflate as I kept going further in.

At one point I go to plunge my hand further and stop. Her eye is right there in front of me under the water, right where I was going to reach. She’s looking right at me with her big beautiful eye under the water and just right there. Right in front of my face.

I say so later and it makes me cry because I can still hardly believe it and it’s so beautiful. I didn’t get to touch but it was all so beautiful, so very very beautiful.

We could see them as they were right beside the boat, swimming together, baby overlapping Mama, both their flukes and forms visible under the water. We could feel their spray on our faces when they came up for air. And we certainly felt when Mama bumped our Zodiac, perhaps trying to teach us as she would her calf. We could have touched their flukes (tails)- they were right there- but Carlos said not to.

We were so late back to the boat- Kathy and I drenched & laughing. Right before we had forced ourselves to say goodbye, Mama gave a fluke out of the water r I g h t by me, waving us off.

Beautiful, beautiful, bonita. Oh my, bonita.

Thank You Father. Amen.

Afternote-

Kathy and I were a little concerned that our abundant crazy happiness was a liitle much for our fellow zodiac passengers but that night at Fiesta dinner we discovered otherwise. Darlene and the Dr. told us it was so fun, and that we had helped to make it fun (let me just say now that in the main that was Kathy.) People kept commenting to us on things that had been said (namely Kathy’s “I’m never going to wash this hand!” Jordan nudges her. She is Senior stew and serves these people three meals a day. “I mean….I’m going to wash this hand.” Everyone laughs and at dinner they ask her if she washed her hands. One lady asks if I washed my face.) It’s very encouraging to know that we all had a wonderful time.

On our way out to see the whales I asked Carlos why they came to they bay here, why do they approach the boats, why do they let us touch them? I like Carlos. He is an underwater videographer and naturalist and he says I wear pretty earrings. He is a big man who is very sweet. Like a big teddy bear. He is from Mexico but sometimes he looks and sounds to me like he’s Russian.

The answer to my question was that he didn’t know. He said there was still a lot of mystery about whales, and about many things in the natural world, and that he believed this was a good thing. I think so too and I like that he said so.