Monday, December 7, 2009

' The Timing My Dear'*

"Ten years ago I responded to letters within a couple of weeks and kept my correspondents happy. Five years ago I faxed a response in a couple of days and they seemed content. Now they want email responses the same day and berate me for not using instant messaging or a mobile phone." - Phillip Yancey, 'Prayer'

I used to be really good about letter writing. When I was in AmeriCorps* five years ago that was how I mostly kept in touch with people. I had an e-mail account but I was adamant about handwritten letters. I remember having an argument with a fellow Corps member about the importance of handwritten letters. My 'conclusive evidence' involved bringing down a shoebox full of correspondence from loved ones at home. I have letters from most phases of my life and it's a happy thing. The last couple of years though, that habit has really dwindled and sputtered.

I've been staring at this screen for too long today. I come to it as if it's a Magic Eight Ball or something. As if I stare long enough it will unlock the key to what my future holds. While I concede that it is a helpful tool, it doesn't work the way this behavior would make it seem.

Yesterday I visited a church nearby. I truly miss my church in Indiana. Rachel Hendricks handed me a bulletin and when I looked at the sermon title it brought a smile to my face. 'Wet Feet Faith'. For anyone unaware, my nickname is 'Feet' so the double sight of my name felt like a 'pay attention. I love you' from my heavenly Father. The sermon was about stepping out in faith to do the seemingly impossible that we're called to.

For myself I wonder lately if that's an intensive Acting school. One of the things that stuck out to me most was how stepping out in faith towards God's call is stepping and doesn't mean you are going to get there tomorrow. Actually I guess there isn't really a 'there' anyway. It's a journey and the call isn't the end. That to say, when I wonder if God is calling me to formal training as an actress I often feel like it has to happen TOMORROW and I get discouraged. It's hard to remember one step at a time.

The pastor was specifically referring to the recent acquisition of a building for their church. They've been meeting as a church for eight years and began the process of looking for a building maybe three years ago. It's been 369 days since they started the offers on their new building which they just closed on. The first step takes an initial decision of this moment in time but there are many steps after that. And God is faithful in each of them. Often they don't lead where we expect or the destination looks much different than we'd thought. But God is faithful. We think in destinations but the destination isn't the point.

The church went through a vocal summary of what has been included in their history as a church family following each paragraph by saying 'He has been faithful' as a congregation. Like a Psalm. I liked that. Rocks of remembrance. I'd like to do that with my own journey. Because He has been. And He is. And I look forward to seeing how He will be.

I could really use your prayers for direction in this waiting time. I'm at the Burrow right now enjoying some time with my family and trying not to go batty not knowing what's next. On Saturday I leave for one of my dearest friends weddings. She's a good letter writer. :smile: That's how we first met actually. She's like my little sister and I'm glad I'll get to spend time with her before her big day. Then it's back home for Christmas. My brother Dev may be making a big move in February (prayers there too please) and so I'm thinking I'd like to be around here for the next couple of months. That's what I've got for now. :smile: I'm praying for clarity in direction, for where to be, for if I should pursue Acting school and if so how and where. Mostly I'm praying for Where. Thanks for reading. Please let me know how I can pray for you too.
I'd say Happy Christmas but hopefully it won't be that long between blogs this time. ;)

*blog title stolen from an Devan/Greg original

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Wynken, Binker and Nod

I woke up this morning (tues) to see the stars. Did you? Last night I discovered that there was going to be a meteor shower so I set my alarm for 2 am to catch some of it. I was very tired though and my alarm didn't wake me up, a dream did. It was very cold and I was glad for the down comfortor that Nancy laid on my bed yesterday. I bundled up in stockings and things and wrapped the down around me. The night sky here, meteors or no, is incredible. There is little light pollution so the celestial visibility is quite clear. I saw a few. One, round and luminous, took its time on its journey. Others were quick and small, causing you to be surprised you'd even seen it. It really is like a dance up there.


The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night the display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
Psalm 19:1-4

Last night I watched the night sky with the Brandon's. Whitlock and Holman or, as I call them, Binker and Nod. They came to see me and we remeinced about old times at Tiffany's, Belhaven, Jackson. When I woke up this morning my voice was hoarse from all the talking and laughing. It was good to laugh and laugh through past stories and present ones. I miss being with those people nearly every day but I enjoy seeing the pattern each of our lives take, seeing how we cross the sky. And I enjoy the eclectic reunions we find, new memories being made with whoever is closest, which changes as we shift our geography.

~ ~ ~

Friday, November 13, 2009


"It's not weird. It's...symmetrical."

-Pushing Daisies

Today was milder at Falster Farm than it has been. The sun a little dimmer and the air cooler. This surprised me at first until Nancy and I remembered that it is November after all. Despite this there are three fully bloomed yellow irises in the garden out front and Nancy just pickled the last pick of baby cucumbers.

Life here has been full and busy thus the lack of updates. Karl is a retired United States Marine and this week we went to the Marines Birthday Ball. Nancy had a dress for me to wear and we all dressed up and had a good evening amidst the old Marines and their wives. I was even rescued by a young Marine. My table company dissipated homeward and dance floor bound, and he asked me to dance. Karl and Nancy danced more than any one and they looked fabulous.

We also took a trip to Tyler and I went to the Rose Garden while Nancy and Karl ran an errand. It was simply lovely. I didn't realize there were so many different kinds of roses and I felt quite like Alice wandering about Wonderland or Looking Glass World.
That morning I received a text from my dear friend Scott whom I haven't heard from in a long time. Busy school semesters. Unfortunately his text wasn't actually text and I wasn't sure I could open it. Scott and I used to take walks to smell the roses in Belhaven gardens. I missed him and those walks as I meandered among the roses in Scott's home state. When I texted to tell him so he wrote back ' That's what I sent you this morning! ' He'd sent a picture of a rose that very morning. I do love friendly serendipity.

Serendipity and symmetry. The last time I visited Falster Farm two years ago I told Bonnie and Kaelen that I had decided it was my last semester at Belhaven. That night at Bonnie asked Karl to get champagne and she toasted to my immediate future and our friendship. Arriving at the Farm last week I told Nancy about seeking out my next steps, short and long term. She poured us glasses of homemade chocolate orange wine and toasted my Farm visit. "May it be revealing."

Seeking mayn't look exactly as I thought it would but I am learning and growing and finding. A long walk today helped me see that. I'm learning through conversations with Nancy and Karl, watching life around me, helping with housework. My Mom taught us that some of the best learning goes initially unrealized. That's how this is. I'm learning without even realizing it. It's amazing what God can use to teach us. 'The earth is filled with His glory.'

This week I read that the word 'antibiotic' means 'against life'. Antibiotics have been overused in the medical industry and destroy more life in out bodies than the illness they are intended for. 'Kamazotz' was an antibiotic. Sterile sameness. Everything clean and together and to what purpose? Life is stifled.

Falster Farm is a 'probiotic' (with life). There is manure and dirt and mud and LIFE. The refrigerator looks like a science project because Nancy knows the benefits of fermented foods. The fermentation in the sauerkraut, kefir, yogurt, etc. is literally full of life that is good for your body. There is very little waste and the scraps that there are go to feed the chickens which provide more food. The kitchen doesn't stay tidy because it is in constant use providing, sustaining, nurturing life.
From dirt, manure and scraps come grass and milk and eggs.
And yellow irises.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sunshine in Texas

There's sunshine here! Smile.

I feel good already from healthy eating and I've been enjoying my time on the farm so far. Karl and Nancy are so kind to host me. Yesterday I met the cow that's named after me (I'll get pics up sometime)and helped move cows (they ran past Nancy and I! It was a little intimidating), and that was before church! We had a potluck at church and then came back and I got to talk with Kaelen on the phone out in the garden. After a Sunday nap I went riding with Nancy which I very much enjoyed even though Razz figured out that since I wasn't Karl he didn't neccesarily have to go when and where I told him. It was a beautiful day.

I'm getting in some good quiet time and prayer in addition to helping Nancy with some projects. I'll post some more later but thought I should at least give a little update.

Thanks for reading!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

November Greys

"So have you finished school?"

I hate this question.

"No," (deep breath to enable shortened spiel) "I took theatre classes at Belhaven College but I wasn't pursuing a degree. After that I did two internships and now...well I'm trying to figure out what's next."

"Ah." they say with arched eyebrows.

I'm twenty four years old and crashing with my parents. I'm tired of sponging and want to know what I'm doing next. I've really enjoyed the time with my family but I'm ready to be able to answer the question "What are you doing right now?" Of course I am an allegedly creative person so I could come up with some much more interesting answers than the regular ( and I do mean spouted often ) response. Of course when I was in Tennessee and told Mom's family that I was pursuing acting and was currently 'in transition' the room would get very quiet and then someone would change the subject. Plus I don't wear make-up and I like to eat. I believe that I am an anomaly to them.

I not only want to know what's 'next' but what it is I'm working towards. It was encouraging this weekend to hear Cate Blanchett say that when she went to acting school she had a sort of vague idea of what she was wanted but wasn't particularly working towards being a film star. And when asked why she and her husband decided to run a theatre in Australia she didn't seem to know quite how that had come about either. By that I don't mean she sounded like a ditz, not in the least. Cate Blanchett is most certainly not a ditz. She simply gave the impression that it wasn't so much a determined goal as a natural progression. That's hopeful for me.

The last few days have been a little difficult for me. Internally I mean. Head and heart. I had the amazing privilege of going to DC and seeing Cate Blanchett both perform and speak. Usually when I see exquisite work, or hear someone in my hoped for field talk about their work, I get fired up and inspired about acting. The show was incredible but that expected feeling of wanting to jump on a stage asap wasn't as strong as I thought it would be. Now granted, I have had other things on my mind and have been in sort of a melancholy crankiness the past few days so that may contribute to the dampening of sparks.

Parts of the conflict and confusion that make a big dark November cloud for melancholy to dwell?
A stronger desire for roots, a place to 'unpack', to at least be based...and not knowing where that is.
An uncertainty of where and how far to pursue acting. What do I want? How does God want me to use it?
The desire to start a family and wondering where acting fits in with that. A strange feeling that maybe that desire is becoming larger, but knowing that it wouldn't be right for me to completely give it up.
A need for a church home, Christian fellowship and accountability, spiritual food.
Not wanting to be terribly far from home and family. (Though don't think I've given up my traveling days. I just would like to do it from a home base.)

Yesterday I woke up and I felt like I didn't even know how to pray. It was truly frustrating and yesterday was the peak of crankiness. God is good and He is faithful and I had some sunshine encounters with good friends throughout my grey day. Thank You Lord for how You work in my life.

Tomorrow I leave for Falster Farm in Winnsboro, Texas for two weeks. I've spent an Easter and a Thanksgiving at Falster Farm with my dear friend Bonnie and some of our friends. The farm belongs to Bonnie's mom and stepdad. We got to work hard, eat healthy and enjoy good fellowship. I've wanted to go back and work on the farm for a long time and never have the opportunity. And now I do. So I'm going to spend some time there and I'm going to pray, and think and work and pray. I hope to learn some more about preparing healthy food from Mrs. Falster. I hope to be helpful to the Falsters while I'm there and do some wholesome farm work. I hope to milk goats! And meet the cow that shares my name. And I hope to clear my head a little and come back with a better idea of 'what's next'. I would appreciate your prayers too and if you have anything that you would like me to pray for then please don't hesitate to let me know. I'm taking a facebook break but I intend to be on here, e-mail and cell phone. I love a good snail mail note too.

Alright, time to finish packing up! Thanks for reading. Have a lovely night.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Richly Blessed

Today I took a walk on the C&O with Mom, Julie and Kaitlyn. My shoes were still wet from our five hour hike on the AT yesterday so I decided to take my ruby reds JIC and barefoot it like the old days. The days when the Gypsy's reigned. :smile: Lukas asked me last night whatever happened to the Gypsy's. 'We grew up I guess.' I answered, but I wasn't satisfied with that reply. Most of us are still Neverlanders so 'growing up' doesn't seem to say it right. I mean we moved from home, went to school, got married, had babies. "Not all of us." I clarified, warding off his smart comments about being married. 'I was going to say.' Lukas commented.

I used to go barefoot everywhere and then I got suddenly germ conscious after learning at an Arbonne presentation that whatever hits your skin can be absorbed into your bloodstream. But lately I've been re inspired to go it barefoot. According to Kaitlyn, who is one very smart cookie which makes her a knockout because she's got the brains and the beauty, going barefoot is better for your whole body. There's a whole barefoot society. If you go barefoot enough you build up callouses that protect your feet too. My friend MJ runs track and she actually started the inspiration to go shoeless again. (I never thought I would have to be re inspired to do that!) According to MJ the fastest runners in the world are from...shoot, I don't actually remember. I think Nigeria, though I'm not certain. Wherever they're from they run barefoot. So MJ does too. She trained that way and then asked her coach if she could compete barefoot. After her coach asked the judges there was a long debate but it turns out there are no actual rules against it and so MJ competes barefoot. You go girl.

And so today my barefeet took me from Maryland to West Virginia along the Potomac river with my Mama and two good friends. The pebbles were a rough way to toughen them up again but random spots of mud, soft ground and leaves were a welcome relief.

I'm so grateful to be back at home for the fall. I grew up in a truly beautiful place and I appreciate it even more now that I recognize that not everywhere is like this. This fall has been nice and long too, the leaves taking their time to change color, and retaining their flame orangeredsyellows late into October. Mom's been hiking nearly everyday and so now that I'm crashing at the Burrow I've gotten to be outside with her, my brothers, the Forsythes actually seeing and experiencing the beauty of the fall on a daily basis. It's good to spend time with family and friends in my home place.

'The Lord is good to me and so I thank the Lord for giving me the things I need the sun, and the rain and the appleseed the Lord is good to me.'

Friday, October 23, 2009


I've been thinking a lot the past couple of days about story in regard to living out your life. This has been inspired but Don Miller's new book and by hearing him speak on the subject this week. I love story and so reading his ideas on applying the elements of story to how you live your life was very appealing to me. And finishing up the book this evening I'm reminded of a story I got to be a part of five years ago.

Tonight, in Boston, four of my team mates from AmeriCorps*NCCC are gathering together for our fifth year reunion. Don talks in his book about how conflict and memorable scenes are necessary to a great story. The AmeriPlayers most certainly had both. Our scenes took place all across the country, from Denver to DC, planting gardens, corralling children, deconstructing houses, moving 3 tons of rock 3 times (that is not an exaggeration, trying not to go postal in cubicles doing inane work during hurricane season, performing in a variety of locations, swimming in our underwear, oh my goodness the list could go on. And we certainly had our conflict, without which I can attest to what Mr Miller says in his book, we would not have grown as close as we did, would not have had a great story. And now we talk about those conflicts at our reunions as if they're unattached to us.

I miss them today and I'm sad I'm not there. But I'm grateful that we've kept in touch, grateful for the times we've had, glad that I got to see some of them last weekend. We met up in DC to see Mel's (our teamleader)draft performance of her new play. Whenever we meet up again we slip into our rhythm right away, as though however much time hasn't passed. We've integrated new parts into our lives, of course, but Jeanna is Jeanna and asks Jeanna questions in a Jeanna way and so it goes with each of us. I love it. After the play and the party we went to Baltimore and stayed up until 5 in the morning talking about life now and life then and other peoples lives and life in between. I never stay up that late but I truly enjoyed it. I'm glad to be part of that story.

And so those of you in Boston, I hope you have a beautiful time this weekend. And I hope that next year we can all make it. I love you each,
Your Feet

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

New Route

Well the weekend in Charlottesville was wonderful and I had a lovely time visiting with my good friend Bonnie. The audition was a lot of fun and I think that it went well. I'll know about what happens next by Thanksgiving.

As for DC, I decided on Tuesday to go with the Realtor's original decision and not move to the city. I'm more than okay with this and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. It does put me back in that category of not knowing what next steps are but as Jennifer Jackson so encouragingly put it, "God knows." She's the lady I knew at the house in DC and I am so grateful for her kindness and understanding.

Thank you so much for your prayers and care. If you think of it please pray that the girls will find a roommate soon and also that new doors will open up for me. I do plan to still move from South Riding and hope to crash at home for a bit while pursuing new possibilities. (I've yet to ask my Mom about this so, uh, I hope that's okay. * ;) )

This update is a little artless but I wanted to at least let people know what was going on. Thanks again!

* I did check with Mom before posting. ;) Thanks Mom!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Next Steps Road Block. Detour or New Destination?

Hello All~
In an effort to not push numerous notes and messages of updates on unsuspecting readers I'm going to attempt to keep things up here so that whoever wishes to come see can and the rest won't have an inundation of 'Faith news'. It's changing rapidly lately so the notes keep coming.

Most of you know that I've been in the process of preparing to move to DC mid-October. The ladies of the rowhouse invited me to take their soon to be married rommies place and I've been quite excited about it. This morning I received an e-mail from the real estate office saying that my application could not go further because I didn't have sufficient income.

I'm working as a waitress at a newly opened restaurant so we're gaining business as we go and weekdays are slow. However due to the help of my Aunt Donna and Uncle Dave letting me stay with them (they feed me too!) I haven't had very many expenses and have been able to save. And the plan was to get a waitressing job at a high traffic (seems they all are) restaurant in DC once I moved.

I'm not ready to simply throw in the towel and intend to ask them if there's anything else I can do. However if this is a closed door, I'm willing to accept that too and God's timing has been so good in this whole process (who am I kidding, it always is. But this time it seems visible in the short term not just looking back) that I know whatever happens is for a reason. He is so good and He always provides for me.

So I could use prayers that the right doors will be open and others firmly shut. I think it's time for a new step whether or not this is it. And prayers that whatever the outcome is the girls will find a room mate soon.

It's interesting that I found out today. Originally tomorrow was the move-in date but it was extended to mid-Oct which was good at the time and even better now. There have been blessings in the date change, one being that after it did I found out that I've been invited to auditions at the American Shakespeare Center tomorrow. I get to visit dear friends from Jackson for the weekend and audition for a company that I really want to work for. God is so good! And He is faithful. I'm excited to see where things lead though it may not look like I thought it would.

Thanks for reading! have a lovely fall day and I'll try to be back soon.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Cephus and Wiggins

I didn't have to go into work until 5:00 yesterday and it was lovely to have a full afternoon and still get to work a good shift. Before going in I thought "Lord, it would be nice to see a familiar face tonight, someone that I love." So having thought this my joy was double when I look across the restaurant to see my pretty Aunt Jen. I caught her up in a hug and had to keep from crying I was so happy. With her were my Uncle Danny, their friend Donnie and (talk about double joys)my handsome darling twin cousins, Chuck and Jacob or Cephus and Wiggins as we like to call them.

I hadn't seen them since Easter and they have grown so much! I'm certain that I broke some codes of professional conduct and was definitly distracted but no one complained, including my boss who was out on the floor and saw me covering their big heads and beautiful faces in kisses. Such good babies! I thought they were asleep in their double stroller when they came in but no, they were just calmly sitting and looking around. They didn't cry or verbally fuss at all, and they were so happy.
I'm in love.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Take Me Home Down Country Roads...

It's September and the nights are getting cooler. I love that. Last weekend I got to go visit my family. The Burrow on the mountain, by the river and in the woods was a welcome relief from Kamazotz, land of sameness. Don't get your mental pictures skewed though, as I was trying to write a friend about the delights of sitting outside on a perfect cool morning my nerves were being shot everytime Sam came in slamming the door and clapping his hands. It isn't meant to perfect down here.

Being in a place where I can actually visit home is certainly nice. I'm grateful to my aunt and uncle for allowing me to use their house as a launching pad for whatever comes next. (Updates to come. I finally sent my headshot and resume to Blackfriar's!)I like my job at Vintage 51 and I like the people that I work with. They are kind to me and I'm able to get rides to and from work.

The guys in the kitchen like that I'm a 'West Virginia girl'. Kitchen Steve learned this becuase the day I went back I was surprisingly emotional, I suppose about the transition from trees to suburbia in its scariest form. I didn't know that the kitchen was full of guys from the mountains too and apparently he told them all I was a mountain girl. Cole started singing about the Shenandoah river and he and Steve talked about land they have up in the mountains. It's kind of comforting in the middle of this polished Pleasantville to have these guys who understand what I miss.

At the restaurant we serve a lot of local products. Our meat all comes from a farm in Purcellville where the animals are grass fed and pasture rotated. You can taste the difference and we make the best burger I've ever had. Our cheese fondue rocks too and so do our french fries, potato salad, and spicy mussels. Not neccesarily in that order. You should come see me and eat some of our food. We have good beer too. And as of today a cappucino machine.

And now my brain is blanking. For three days I'd been off of sugar again and I also wasn't watching tv. I could hear my thoughts again and my head was clearing, and energy was returning. But today began with the Fractured Prune and in that regard has been downhill sense. But that's okay. There's tomorrow.

Oh and all that about Sam slamming doors being said, he helped me make my bed that night in that caring way he has. I think I'll keep him.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Paper Cranes

It's three in the morning. I hate being up this late. It means the next few days, maybe even the week, feels off. But insomnia is a catching thing it seems, here at the Burrow and in Transistional phases I usually have much on the brain in the way of potential plans so it can be difficult to shut them off.

Mom and I took Dev (I used to have psuedonyms on here, what were they anyway?) to his new apartment on Tuesday. We didn't expect to stay overnight but amidst a day of various adventures (which he already wrote about and I'll post because he covered it well.) that's what wound up happening and I was glad for it. As he arranged his room with his belongings he made a comment about it being nice to know where everything went after being in a transitional mindset for so many months. How nice it was to be settled. I said yes, that I wanted that too and he laughed at me. "No you don't." he said practically in a guffaw.

And I know what he means, and he's right. I don't neccesarily want to be in one single place for the rest of my life yet. I like to travel about and see people and check out new places. (However I am getting to a point where I'd like to know where to anchor at least. That doesn't mean I have to stay there consistently but it would be good to have a base.) But what I meant was I would like to know where to hang my cranes.

For my twenty first birthday I received one of my all time favorite gifts, a handmade mobile of paper cranes from my beautiful friend Erika. Everywhere I've been since then they've been wrapped up, carefully packed (which is difficult I must say), untangled and hung by or above my bed. They've been packed away in my luggage since the end of May. It's nice to visit my family here at the Burrow, but it isn't where I can hang my cranes. With Devan moved out the little boys get their own rooms now & I'm excited to see them hang their cranes, as it were, making up their own corners of the world and arranging for their space as they please.

And I look forward to seeing where my next corner is too.

I'd love to hear about your corner. What is your version of a paper crane mobile? What would you take into a new space that makes it 'home', makes it yours?

Thursday, July 30, 2009


I wonder that it's so hard to get yourself back into writing a post after long absences. It isn't as though nothing has happened in my life. I think a good deal of it has to do with my own perfectionism. "Well if I can't write out everything I've done and learned this year in one eloquent go then why start at all?" But that's plain silly and if I wait til that happens well I'll near have forgotten the bits of this year. So here comes a plunge if for no other reason than to get back in the water again.

I'm 'in transition' again. I've been in this place so many times and, as is the case now, it usually involves crashing at The Burrow (home) and mooching off of my gracious parents until the next door presents itself. Or gets found through frantic searching. I've seen God's provision so many times that perhaps this go round is less anxious but still there's that concern that comes with uncertainty, the desire to control things, and the worry that I'm missing something or not taking a right step.

I've learned a lot about worry though.

In Bible study at MasterWorks we talked about how worry is one of the few socially acceptable sins. Once when I told a good friend that I hated how much I worry he said I didn't hate it or I wouldn't do it. He said I was addicted to it. I irked that he was probably right. Worry makes you feel like you're doing something but really it doesn't help anything and it indicates a lack of trust. At the same time in my life that my friend pointed this out my professor made a statement that also revoloutionized my thinking on this subject. It was the first time I saw that worry is indeed a sin and he said we're commanded not to do it. We don't have to worry. How lovely. How difficult.

I'm such a Martha. She gets caught up in being busy. When she complains to Jesus that her sister Mary isn't helping her with all that needs done He tells her that only one thing is needed and that Mary has chosen it and it won't be taken from her. Mary chose to be with Jesus. To sit at His feet and be present with Him. Luke 10:38-42

This morning I read in John where Jesus says "The work of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent." John 6:29

I'm really grateful for how gentle and loving Jesus is with Martha. She doesn't have it all right, she's fighting for control, but still He loves her and wants to teach her. God is teaching me too. He's teaching me about worry, about fear, about peace. I'm growing in these things. I'm not there yet but I can really see growth. And with God I don't think it's about being 'there'. For me, perfectionist, results driven me, I get in my head that it's about being 'there'. But with God I believe it's about relationship. He wants to take the time. He wants me to spend time with Him, wherever I'm at in my walk. With Him it's about process, and more than that, simply being with Him. I don't always get that, in fact most of the time I don't, but I'm really grateful for it. He is good. He loves me. He loves you too. And He fills me with hope.