So when I talk about this super short period of time there is a sense of "fail" as clearly I didn't finish up. But I wish I could discard that because I truly enjoyed the time I did have at Stella, I got some good out of it & some encouragement, met some lovely & talented people, and it's just fun to have gotten to study my craft in the heart of The City at all. And also I met again with the fact that while I love, love, to perform and am told I'm actually good at it, that maybe I don't have the drive to do it for a living. It's always been a doubt and New York brought it in clearer. A part of my heart still falters there feeling like maybe I take the easy or practical way out and don't steward my talents well but...I just don't know.
The fact that I have an actual bank of New York moments makes me smile. Moving to the city at the same time Bonnie and Alex did and actually getting to see them made me glad. Central Park, Stella Adler, friends I made, old friends I visited (and who showed me such kindness! Milena, I mean you lady.). And it's so funny that while I'm glad to not be living there every once in a while I'll just MISS New York. When my Mom started watching Ugly Betty I watched some too and it's so very New York and suddenly I missed really random stuff like cheap cups of coffee with the little greek statue men printed on them.
And I can see this even in how I got to Cleveland. I moved for entirely other reasons than how I stayed. I moved for a relationship, and it didn't last, and it took me a while (though clearly less time then the NY puzzle) to see "Oh. That was to get me to Cleveland." :)