Work in Progress

What Works For You?

2012-01-20T12:45:00.003-05:00

Isn’t it funny how one little thing can open up a door of motivation or inspiration? I’ve been feeling unmotivated lately. This week I made a phone call to a friend and left a silly message using our 'back porch' accent. Suddenly I felt like I could write, like I wanted to say things, do things. Like waking up on the right side of the bed. (Currently if I wake up on the wrong side I hit the wall. Literally I mean.) Other funny things will open up doors of inspiration too, or the feeling of being yourself again, a reminder that life is hopeful, that what seemed unsolvable now has possibility. Sunshine in dark cobwebby corners.

On this topic of motivation…how do you discover the best way that they personally work? I remember in college a professor recommending to a classmate that instead of doing something this way (say plowing through, sticking to one thing until finished, etc.) because of his personality he should try stepping outside the ‘norm’ and do it this other way (working in bursts of time, not holding to just one project.) Using what works for you instead of adhering to what you consider the ‘right’ way to do something can increase your productivity not to mention relieving self placed pressure. I say this like I know, I’m guessing that this would be true.

When I was in YWAM our first few weeks were for class time and lectures. Before we started our leaders talked to us about how different people learn in different ways. We were given permission to stand and walk around if it didn’t bother our teachers and if it helped us to concentrate/take it in. We also had things like stress balls, things that could keep our hands busy if we were tactile learners. And some people do best with the good old fashioned sit still and listen. I recently heard someone echo what my best friend in college told me in regards to studying- how if you just paid attention in class you shouldn't’t have problems. But while that worked for him, I can pay attention, I can listen, I can take notes, but it does not mean that I will absorb. Maybe part of that is over stressing, and feeling like I won’t absorb it. Perfection poison.

I feel like I get stuck trying to do things the way I think they should be done, the way they ‘ought’ to be done, when maybe that’s just blocking me and isn’t beneficial. Where’s the line between discipline and trying to force a mold that isn’t working? Thoughts?

Bits and pieces

2011-10-28T22:09:00.003-04:00

It is officially cold in New York City. It took it's time getting here but it has now arrived and coats, scarves and hats can make their way out of closets and drawers and suitcases and store shelves now. Apparently this Halloween weekend we actually have a forecast for snow. While this does mean I'm more eager to have a cup of tea or coffee in the morning it strangely doesn't deter me from wanting my window open or filling an ice cream craving.

In other news classes are great and I'm learning lots. Stella Adler has what I was looking for and I love it. We're halfway through this first semester. It was my aim to be present in my classes, to enjoy each moment, and I thought it may be a difficult goal as it usually is in other areas of my life. Not so. I'm not ever quite ready for my class to end, I don't watch the clock, am not eager to get out and 'get on' with whatever comes next. Which is certainly good given it's why I came here but even with things that we like to do or are driven to do, there's still often that watch the clock mentality.

I will say that my job is a different matter. :) But having one is certainly good and I'm going to be pursuing other options as it's only temporary holiday work anyway.

I'm soon going to be switching over to a new blog address. My 'new' g-mail address won't connect to this account and it's a pain to have it seperate. So once I decide on a good URL that's actually available I believe it will be time to begin again.

from then to now ~

2011-08-23T19:26:00.008-04:00

hmmmm. Recap of writing absence....

Last bit of March ~ wound up Florida visit and 'baby tour'. Last day of Florida visit sent out my application for Stella Adler Studio of Acting Evening Conservatory in New York.

April ~ Visits at The Burrow with family. Send audition video to Stella Adler Studio. 7th annual AmeriCorps Reunion in Baltimore, MD.
Telephone interview with Stella Adler Studio. Acceptance to Stella Adler Studio. Excitement but uncertainty regarding Stella Adler Studio/NY. A good Easter at my Aunt Beckie's house with aunts, uncles and cousins.
A week in Indiana at CPAF.

May ~ Indiana to Alaska. One month fill in on the boat. Wonderful welcome there. Hard work, gorgeous scenery, great day off which included hiking, kayaking, and a zodiac tour through morning fog where we saw a sea lion tear into a HUGE halibut. Incredible experience with a humpback who hung out by our bow for over half an hour, slapping his fins playfully. Even the naturalists were astounded by this unusual activity. It was beautiful.

June ~ Finished up the fill in on the boat (how lovely to be there for only a month!) and flew back to Indiana to help out around the CPAF offices before Masterworks. Stayed at the Doric and had a nice time visiting and working and resting. MasterWorks began and Brandon and I discovered we were a decade older than the rest (excepting Danny and Josh) of the theatre group. Our show was Cyrano and I had the great priviledge of being entrusted with the role of Roxane.

July ~ Masterworks continues. As usual, a wonderful time. So great to work on a show again and also be a part of a Christian community, to see God working and speaking in your life and the lives of those around you. Wonderful theatre group that I loved getting to know and work with. The show goes really well, and we felt that God answered our prayers regarding it. Had a delightful time and was sad to see it end. Stayed a week longer with a small group of others and we had a post Masterworks time of rest, fellowship, movie watching and the like. Not to mention cinnamon rolls, jazz and a wicked thunder storm. Came home to the Burrow realizing that NY was coming closer and feeling so unsure.

August ~ spent time at The Burrow. Visited friends. Celebrated Bergen's brithday. Helped Dev teach a theatre camp for 5-9 year olds and was daily entertained by the things they would say. Searches on Redeemer Pres Classifieds for rooms in NY. Finally worked out a time to go up to the Big Apple to scout out rooms and scope out the city, see how I felt.

Two weeks ago ~ left on a bus for NY, unsure of how long patchwork couch crashing would allow me to stay, unsure of much, and nervous about the city.

To present ~ stayed in the city for two whole weeks. Saw God answering prayers, providing and suprise...found myself falling for the city.
All of my worlds collide there too and I found hospitality, help and kindness from all arenas of my life so far; AmeriCorps (Milena), Masterworks (Rich and Joyce), Belhaven/Jackson (Bonnie and Alex), the Boat (Danny and Becky) and YWAM was in NY so I was reminded of that just by being there. And from my new NY friend who is in a similar boat~ Emma Sutton (thanks Gert.)

Home at the Burrow. Packing up to move. Big Apple adventure, here I come.

~Psalm 121~

Pictures notes and credits;
1- AmeriCorps Reunion; Jordan, me, Mel, Tager, Jeanna. Photo- Mrs. Tager with Mel's prof camera.
2- Easter; Twins, Dev and me
3-Humpback whale, Alaska, from the NGSeaBird. Photo-Leah Eaton
4-Cyrano de Bergerac; Brandon Langeland, me. Photo- MWF tech team.
5- Stella Adler Studio Sign; photo fromwww.stellaadler.com

....Hello Land

2011-03-21T23:11:00.003-04:00

I last left this blog in LaPaz Mexico with a 'Farewell part one' which was to imply that there would be other parts but here I am a month later and no such thing has of yet been fulfilled. And so a new title I think. But still from where I left off...
Waking up the next morning and leaving the hotel to find an empty dock was a little strange. I had breakfast at an Mexican restaurant with an outdoor patio. I wasn't sure what I ordered when I ordered it but it was a tasty breakfast. I also enjoyed a last La Fuentes ice cream and took it out to the beach. Passionfruit and guava. Yummy!
Leaving La Paz in the afternoon I landed in LA and met up with a YWAM friend, Melinda, who finished film school and recently made the move to LA. She showed me around the next day and we went to Grauman's Chinese Theater and I took lots of pictures of all the different famous handprints. It was pretty fabulous. Melinda told me what it was like to live in LA and as I gushed about some of the exciting things we saw and about my passion for acting she stopped me and told me that if I was really passionate about it, really serious about it that I needed to be here, in LA.
That night I sat in on an acting class at John Kirby's studio. I'd been curious about John's studio and about LA in general for a long time and so this short trip was to appease that curiousity and see if this is somewhere I'd actually be interested in being. I very much enjoyed the class, the actors all did very good work and I enjoyed seeing John and Nathan again too. I got a hotel room close to the airport and went to sleep feeling like living in LA would be more feasible than I had originally thought.

~

From LA I flew to St. Louis to stay with my best friend/little sister Kaelen and her husband Drew and to meet their beautiful baby son, Abel. It was a welcome change of pace to be in their home in St. Charles, talking with Kae, cuddling Abel, taking in a season I hadn't seen any of this year. Kaelen took me downstairs and showed me my 'room'. With loving care she had sectioned off a corner of the basement with pretty curtains and made a room for me complete with a bed, dresser, rug, lamp and Christmas lights. It was decorated in the familiar fashion of our times at Belhaven, the signature Kaelen draped fabrics, and in my colors, Christmas lights for me, and dark chocolate on the pillow. It was so welcoming and lovely, I nearly cried.

It was so good to spend time with them, to meet my 'nephew', get to know Drew better, catch up with Kae. I hadn't seen her since her wedding over a year before. Things in our life change but our rythym is always there and it's easy to reconnect. I'd originally wondered if staying a week was too long, to which Kaelen quickly corrected me, and when it was time to leave I found that the time had flown.

~

Home yet? Not quite. From St. Louis I flew to Florida where I've spent the last three weeks with my aunt and cousins. We've had fun, sometimes going to the beach, sometimes playing with Tyler (my 7 year old cousin), or riding bikes, or just talking and laughing. I made Theresa laugh the other day because I jumped in her cold pool and for someone who has lived in Florida as long as she has a March pool dive is just ridiculous. Our most fun day was just this past week when we went to Boca Grande and spent an hour out on the sea kayaks. As soon as the kayak hit the water a smile hit my face and it was grand.

Between times here with Theresa I've taken a trip to Orlando to see my friend Erin and go to an (unsuccesful) audition. We had a delightful time and she surprised me and took me to Disney World for the first time. SO much fun. We also watched Carol Burnett and met up amazingly with my aunt, uncle and cousins from Virginia who happened to be in town! I also took a trip to Sanibel Island to meet my Mom's best friend from Jr. High. We walked on the beach and she told me that I had my Mama's feet. hehe.

I've been taking my time here because I was hoping to meet my new cousin (baby tour remember?) who usually lives here but is currently in New Zealand with her Mom and Dad ( my cousin Lora and her husband Dan ) We found out they aren't returning to May and I need to see my own family before then so I leave on Thursday for West Virginia! Mountain Mama, take me home, down country roads....

I'll be home through Easter, visiting with my family (woot!), catching up with some friends, doing taxes (yay) and all that jazz. And then after Easter I'll head to Winona Lake, IN to help out at CPAF before MasterWorks in June where I get to be a counselor and attend the Festival! Woot! And so that, in a nutshell, is the past and next few weeks. In case you wanted to know. ;)

Farewell SeaBird ~ Part One

2011-02-23T13:47:00.005-05:00

As fellow stew Jackie Daum recently wrote in a subject line to her e-mail, Operation Sea Bird Successful! Hurrah! Six months of stewarding at sea completed. For the week leading up to going I was so, so excited. We had a truly good expedition week seeing everything from Mama & calf grey whale pairs, to beautiful weather and sunsets/rises, to breaching humpbacks, to blue whales very, very close to the boat and outlined partially under the water in a white silhouette. Plus we had a really good group of guests, mostly German who understood very little of what most of us said (intro's went something like "Hello" "He llo. Thank you." "Yes, well, this is your pa system..." "Thank you" "Your shoilet..." "Thank you" "We ask that you reuse your towels...' "Thank you." "We have complimentary champagne in the lounge..." "Champagne!" This they understood.) and who thoroughly enjoyed their time. The ship usually goes to bed or at least goes quiet guest wise pretty soon after dinner if there isn't any lecture or video scheduled, but the Germans? The Germans stayed up and talked and sang and danced- not kidding, danced-and of course, drank. Our bartender was becoming rather nervous about how his stores were going to hold out as the week went on and the Germans drank him out of bar and home. They knew how to have a good time and they were grateful and excited about what they saw and did.

So the whole week I was excited about my near freedom and then came the day and as I turned my cabins with the replacement stew Chrissy, and felt how weird it was watching someone begin to take over for me, and realised the group of people that I wouldn't work in again (not that I wouldn't come back but that boat chemistry and staff is constantly changing) I began to feel the bittersweetness, and the edge of sadness that came with the excitement of freedom. This boat, with its good and its bad, it's extremes of excitement and difficulties, had been my home for the past six months and it was now time to go. I was ready to go, but it was also sad.

The goodbyes were drawn out as I returned to the boat once for my passport and to say goodbye to Kathy. I came back at the end of the day because I'd bumped into one of the naturalists who was also getting off and she was looking for Carlos. It was good that I came back then. The boat was picturesque with the sun setting and the hustle and bustle of crew all dressed up to welcome guests on board. It was fun to see it from the outside looking in. I've always enjoyed seeing the boat from off of it, and watching it like a play or movie set with so many different things going on at once in different parts of the boat. I love that.

I saw Kathy on the fantail and she ran up to the top deck because that's where the gangway was. I met her there and gave her a real hug since before I'd had to wake her up from a nap to say goodbye. She had a pretty lily in her hair which she took out and gave to me. I'd just bought a rose on the street and wondered who it belonged to. So then I knew and gave it to Kathy. She told me to wait, that Jordan was coming.

Ian came up the steps in his deckhand garb, Jordan in his third mate uniform and there was Kathy all stew like. And so began the most fabulous goodbye ceremony I've ever been a part of.
Jordan: (presentationally) Rachel Faith Feet Whitacre
Kathy: (reminding) Faitharellie
Jordan: Faitharellie
Kathy: Rellie
Jordan: Rellie
Kathy: Rells
Jordan: (turning to Kathy and transfering temporarily out of the pretend decorum and into conversational questioning) Just 'Rells'?
(Faith and Kathy nod and say over one another)
Kathy: Just Rells Faith; I like Rells
Jordan: (returning to presentation modeP) Rells
Ian: Grumpy Pants
Jordan: Grumpy Pants Whitacre we present to you with all pomp and decorum...
Ian: (with hand gestures) Pomp. Decorum.
Jordan: this flag which flew over the Sea Bird for at least one of the seasons which you worked.
(they hand me a flag and then stand to attention most comically and salute in the sunset. It was delightful.)

I then gave hugs to the three of them and took my flag and my lily and walked down the gangplank to sit on the patio at the hotel and wave goodbye when the SeaBird disembarked.

Oh Happy Day

2011-02-16T18:58:00.000-05:00

So I have definitely dropped off of the countdown, not for lack of things going on but for lack of time to write about them. I won’t waste a lot of time going back over them just yet as today was marvelous and I want to write about that instead. I will however say that for the first two days of this week it seems that I have woken up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’ (“Wow that must hurt. You’ve only got one side.” says Ian.) and have been rather grumpy and easily angered. Last week blues apparently but I would like to finish strong, not grumpy.

Anyway.

Today was my last morning in Magdalena Bay. I wanted to go out in the morning and try once more to touch whales. Sam was kind enough to switch days off with me to make this possible and last night Ian, not knowing that I had the day off, offered to cover for me so I could go out. This was a very nice offer particularly considering that he is a deckhand and not in the steward realm. Everyone has been very kind and encouraging about me trying to touch the whales. It’s very sweet and I feel quite loved.

On this past turn day Captain, who has been probably my biggest supporter in the whole deal-well, aside from Kathy anyway, was talking about getting a crew boat out .

“And somebody needs to hold faith by the ankles so she can touch one of the damn things.“ hehehe. Thanks Captain Kay.

Last week I was saying to someone that well if I didn’t touch one it was okay, that I had had a wonderful experience with Kathy, that I had seen the big beautiful eye so close, that it had all been amazing. Then beside me Captain said, “Plus, there’s always next year.”

And I found myself repeating ‘And there’s always….Captain!’

Yesterday he kept saying “This is it. This is the day Faith.” It wasn’t, but it made me happy that he wanted it to be. Plus we had a wonderful outing on the crew boat, seeing them, trying to call them closer, following cow calf pairs, watching them roll and fluke and blow.

I woke up early this morning, despite a fairly late night and a recent lack of sleep to try and fit on the seven o’clock zodiac trip. Trinity hadn’t been sure that there would be room. While I was getting ready Daisey came in- “Rawr!” she said. “We’re having coffee on the lido if you want to come.”

“I do!”

I went upstairs to the lido where Leah, Kathy, Becky and Daisey were setting up chairs while the sun rose. It was a beautiful morning on the water with the sun making the clouds pink. Kathy split a warm, freshly made blueberry muffin with me and Daisey passed me half a banana. I sat for a few minutes, enjoying the company and the view before I had to go downstairs to find out if there was zodiac room.

I sat in the crew lounge and chatted with Ian and Jordan while getting my life vest on. “Do you want my jacket?” Ian asked. “It will keep you toasty warm.” It can get rather cold out on the bay in the morning…particularly because I usually get my sleeves wet splashing around for whales….and I was happy to take him up on the offer. Trinity opened the fantail door “You want to go out on this one.” she said, and I hopped happily out the door to find myself in Carter and Williams boat, a good pair. (Carter is Jordan’s big brother and our bosun) Captain wished me a farewell, “Go for it girl!”

We saw blows right away and followed a couple of pairs. Some of them were rainbow blows, the mist catching the morning light just right to make a rainbow. Most of the zodiacs went on ahead but we stayed with a Mama and calf that had surfaced fairly close. We had seen a baby approach the EL’s zodiac before they left again. Just as we were about to leave ourselves up came baby. Each time he came up I would find myself either squealing or coaxing. “C’mon baby! Aqui!”, and I would splash and splash the water.

“Call them over Faith!” Carter encouraged.

I don’t remember the order of events. I don’t remember when they decided to become friendlies. I remember the Mama shooshing the baby away at one point before they did. I remember watching baby roll off of Mama’s back so so close. I remember being pleased even at just how close we were seeing them. And Carter switching seats with me when they were getting close to one side of the raft. And then I remember William, “Here! Here! Here! Oh my!” Baby was right there. His mouth, with patches of white, coming up out of the water from, his body maybe under the boat. William was touching and I think he and Carter both were telling me it was there. Carter may have even called my attention to it, like I say, I don’t quite recall. But I do know that I reached and reached and then! Oh! I touched that beautiful baby! And since I touched his lips it’s like I got a whale kiss. Oh my.

I was so happy. So happy. Baby bumped us and our zodiac moved. And Mama and baby just kept coming back to play. Carter kept letting me know where they were, while he himself was flipping out over them too. He’d never touched one til that day either. We could see their big beautiful forms under the water, on one side, then underneath our boat, then on the other side. We could see them come closer to the surface. Mom’s body coming closer, closer and you can hardly believe how big this thing is and how close it is to you and it takes your breath away, and then up she comes, you can see her flipper, it’s right beside you and you reach out and touch her. I got to touch Mama and baby.

Then baby came back up, his mouth out of the water again and I thought I could kiss him. So I tried. But he was just farther than I thought and if they hadn’t pulled me back I certainly would have fell in. Right after this near spill Mama knocked the boat and we rocked. (Let me just say that they are so gentle. When they bump our boats it isn’t malicious at all. They don’t ever show us aggression.)

It was getting close to time that we had to had back and up they came again. I gasped to be able to see, under the water, that they were ‘standing up’. Both Mama and baby were vertical in the water and I could see most of the length of their bodies. It was just incredible. Marvelous. Breathtaking.

My face hurt from smiling as we headed back to the ship. I couldn’t wait to tell Captain. I was so full with the fact that on this last day, in the last half hour possible, I had touched a whale. I praised and thanked God. I smiled and smiled and sometimes I laughed.

When we got back the guests getting off (who had had a wonderful time. Oh! There was this one middle age man who kept talking all this non-whale, middle age man talk with William in the most boring way. Sometimes while there were whales about us! Then he would stand up to take pictures entirely unaware of me and blocking my sight. Once he sat on my hip. I was a bit annoyed. But then, when the whales came close, he was one of the first reaching hopefully and excitedly to touch. It was really cute.)

Told Captain that we had touched whales. “Did Faith touch one? She had to have.”

“Yes!” I squeaked from the back. “I did!”

He gave me a big hug.

When I went into the boat, happy and jumping with my news, I discovered how much the people I work with had been sending me good hopes and wishes for the morning. It was so dear and nearly as good as touching the whales. It was funny to see that it was ‘news’ and to see how quickly said ‘news’ spread. The Chief Mate came down to the crew lounge where I was enjoying breakfast and mouthed “Congratulations” though I had not yet told her. I had hugs and happiness waiting for me back at the Sea Bird.

It was a happy morning. And wonderful closure to the end of my six month contract.

Bonita

2011-02-14T18:16:00.000-05:00

From my journal…(with just a little spit shine)

January 27

‘Whales. Whales, whales, whales whales whales, oh my goodness whales. Kathy and I went out on the last Zodiacs for whale watching at Mag Bay (Magdelena Bay) this afternoon. We got Jordan for our driver and we got Carlos too. (Carlos is a naturalist on the boat. He is from Baja California.) We had three guests, Darlene from the NY office and the ships Doctor.

We were out for about an hour and a half I guess, me praying praying praying praying to Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit &, why not, asking Mary & St. Francis for their prayer help too that we would touch a whale. We saw several, often quite close but not touchable. We nearly ran into a pair they surfaced so quickly and close. We saw flukes and baby breaches & two swimming pretty much on top of each other. (It was all amazing. It was wonderful to see it from the close perspective, not only distance wise but from where we were on the water as opposed to the usual high up position of the boat.)

And then when we’d been out for almost the whole time we had a mom and calf so close. Kathy and I started splashing because Daisey had told her that this helps. It must. They came closer. Oh. My. Goodness.

We followed them and they us. Baby coming up, head out of the water, I’m hoping he’s curious about us. Mama coming up. Oh my Mama. Soooo much bigger, barnacles on her back. Kathy and I lay on our bellies over the side, splashing and calling( “Don’t forget, these whales speak Spanish.”reminds Carlos. Oh great. Because we know Spanish. Except we don’t) and generally freaking out.

Some of Kathy’s finest;

“Look at you! Stop it! Stop bein so handsome! Look at him! Look at his little nostrils! I don’t know why it’s a he. Sorry guys its just a he. I need you, I love you! You need me too you just don’t know it yet! Oh my goodness his lips!”

Priceless.

We would all move from one side of the boat to the other as necessary. So close, so close…& yet…

Still I prayed.

Up they came. Right beside us, there was Mama. I stuck my hand in- couldn’t reach. Arm, fleece and all, in the water. I feel a hand on my ankle- Carlos making sure these two crazy women don’t fall or jump in.

Kathy touches.

“Oh my goodness! Look at you! You feel like an olive!”

I plunge my face in. She’s so close but I still can’t reach her. When I think of this even now I’m not at all sure how it is possible that I couldn’t touch her. She was RIGHT there, I was at almost the same point in the boat as Kathy, and I have longer arms not to mention my face was in the water. I was a tad concerned that my life jacket was going to inflate as I kept going further in.

At one point I go to plunge my hand further and stop. Her eye is right there in front of me under the water, right where I was going to reach. She’s looking right at me with her big beautiful eye under the water and just right there. Right in front of my face.

I say so later and it makes me cry because I can still hardly believe it and it’s so beautiful. I didn’t get to touch but it was all so beautiful, so very very beautiful.

We could see them as they were right beside the boat, swimming together, baby overlapping Mama, both their flukes and forms visible under the water. We could feel their spray on our faces when they came up for air. And we certainly felt when Mama bumped our Zodiac, perhaps trying to teach us as she would her calf. We could have touched their flukes (tails)- they were right there- but Carlos said not to.

We were so late back to the boat- Kathy and I drenched & laughing. Right before we had forced ourselves to say goodbye, Mama gave a fluke out of the water r I g h t by me, waving us off.

Beautiful, beautiful, bonita. Oh my, bonita.

Thank You Father. Amen.

Afternote-

Kathy and I were a little concerned that our abundant crazy happiness was a liitle much for our fellow zodiac passengers but that night at Fiesta dinner we discovered otherwise. Darlene and the Dr. told us it was so fun, and that we had helped to make it fun (let me just say now that in the main that was Kathy.) People kept commenting to us on things that had been said (namely Kathy’s “I’m never going to wash this hand!” Jordan nudges her. She is Senior stew and serves these people three meals a day. “I mean….I’m going to wash this hand.” Everyone laughs and at dinner they ask her if she washed her hands. One lady asks if I washed my face.) It’s very encouraging to know that we all had a wonderful time.

On our way out to see the whales I asked Carlos why they came to they bay here, why do they approach the boats, why do they let us touch them? I like Carlos. He is an underwater videographer and naturalist and he says I wear pretty earrings. He is a big man who is very sweet. Like a big teddy bear. He is from Mexico but sometimes he looks and sounds to me like he’s Russian.

The answer to my question was that he didn’t know. He said there was still a lot of mystery about whales, and about many things in the natural world, and that he believed this was a good thing. I think so too and I like that he said so.

Feb 10 & 11, Days 10 & 9

2011-02-12T00:46:00.000-05:00

February 10 - Day 10

Went to try and kiss a whale today. No avail but still beautiful. One more chance next week. I would write more- it was a good day- but it's late and I'm tired. So more soon.

February 11 - Day 9

Last day of raw food. Good golly we're ready for some bacon. We are tired but we've made it. I'm pretty sure there were bets going on as to whether or not we were because we were offered an awful lot of cookies, cakes and such with much emphasis by individual people. I'm just sayin...

Tonight Paul offered to serve dinner for me which was very nice. He loves it and I think he misses being a stew (he's a deckhand now) and Kathy wanted to work with him. So it was as much fun for him as it was a treat for me. I went up to the lido and had some really nice quiet time, prayer and worship. It was a beautiful night- the whole day has been beautiful in weather, sunshine, colour and now stars. I was so grateful for the unexpected hour and a half of quiet and time with God.

Day 11- February 9

2011-02-09T21:01:00.000-05:00

The food bit is really funny right now. Daisey and I are doing fine- getting a little bored but we are eating enough and we’re full. Not to mention full of energy. I feel so hyper, I can’t really settle down or focus. It’s kind of funny. And I slept well last night which was lovely.

The boys, the boys are cracking us up. Edd, who is not a loud complainer, keeps complaining and today stated that he wasn’t going to stop griping about it the whole time, that he would make it but he wouldn’t stop griping. I said that was fine. They get a little happier when you make them smoothies. Jason just looks sad and his fiance who makes all the desserts on the boat thinks the whole thing is hilarious and he keeps threatening her with hatred just for doing her job.

~
Today was my day off and I spent some time off the boat at Sand Dollar Beach. The beach’s name is, I’m pleased to say, not a misnomer. I saw so many sand dollars just all over! I found one patch, a ways from the ocean, by the entrance to the dunes, that had over 50! We have a no collection policy or I would have brought you all some Christmas ornaments. J

On one side of Sand Dollar Beach is Magdalena Bay and on the other is the Pacific Ocean. In between are fabulous sand dunes that are fun to scale. I found one that had a really steep side that I slid down on my bottom. The sand slid down like water. It was soft, like a big giant dog’s fur, and fine so that when I picked up handfuls of it, I could swish it out easily and it would just fly away on the wind. I did this several times. I also threw it in clumps, as weighty as I could make them where they would still disperse on the breeze without touching the ground. At the bottom of the dune it was quiet and I looked up to see a bright blue sky. The sun was warm, the sky was blue, it was quiet and so I did what any normal person would do and I lay upside down on the dune, so that my head was on the downward slope and I could see the blue sky. This felt quite yummy on my back actually.

After playing at the bottom of this dune, as though I were five, and loving it, I kept walking til I got to the sand dollar patch and after that the ocean. There I saw a ghost crab, 5 pelicans, and a lot of water. It sounded lovely and felt cold on my feet. I did cartwheels and splashed and just walked around. I also sat to watch the waves.

It was a good time but being by myself I thought how fun it would have been if my brothers had been with me on the dunes.

Back at the boat Daisey had saved me a salad and I sat in the crew lounge. Later Tom came in to work on my necklace (yay! Thanks Tom. It has a pretty green twine and a shell we found the whale shark day.) and I read him half of Devan’s “Lucid City” story that I liked so much.

It was good day and yet it’s cluttered with my restless thoughts. 11 days. I hope I get to kiss a whale before I go. I’ll miss these people ( I want to write a post similar to my friend Patricia’s to introduce you to them. I’d already been wanting to and then I saw her do it so now I’m reminded.). I get to do some pretty cool stuff. And yet. I’m ready to go.

February 8 - Day 12

2011-02-09T20:59:00.000-05:00

While cleaning rooms this morning I was ‘planning’ which was actually more like Anxiously Going In Circles In My Head about What’s Next. I was thinking about acting, about traveling, about getting off the boat, about where I’m going to land and about how little I know and how much I would like to know. I was thinking about how I didn’t want to be thinking about all of this because I was just circling without getting anywhere. I was thinking about wanting to be in this moment here and now. Mostly I was thinking about acting and Next and MasterWorks.

There were whales about us, humpbacks, fluking and surfacing. Every now and again I’d stop making a bed or spraying Lysol and jump out to watch a minute. I had much to do, it was sheet change day, early lunch, breakfast ran late and I still had to vacuum so I didn’t linger like I might have but I still watched every now and again. At breakfast I had screeched as mealtime began because right outside the Port side window I saw a fluke and it glittered beautifully all around the edges in the bright morning light.

Stepping out of room 105 to look for whales one of the guests, a man from Manhattan, came to let me know they were out of washcloths. We were waiting for a new load that afternoon so I hadn’t been able to replenish yet. He was understanding about it and started talking with me as we both looked over the railing for whales. I had introduced his room and he and his wife, Marilyn, had cracked me up with their New York banter. They are a friendly couple and I enjoyed meeting them.

“Two more weeks huh? And what will you do next?” John asks me.

“Well I know I want to act, but I have to figure out where I’m going to land.”

“You want to act. That’s a hard life.”

I know. Thus the circles in my head. I feel like a consistent plan and schedule as an actor is about as feasible as nailing sand to the ground.

“I know. But it’s what I love. It’s what I’m good at. It’s what I need to do.”

“You know you can do a lot of things and act. You can be a CEO,” this next is whispered out of the corner of his mouth, “or a politician.”

I chuckle at this. That’s true.

“I want to tell stories. I want to tell good stories.”

At this John begins to talk about the importance of stories and of fairy tales. He is apparently a psychologist and tells me of a book that talks about how fairy tales are important for children because they talk about life, about things that they will one day have to face, in a way that they can grasp, in a way that isn’t blatant, crass, or over the head. He tells about patients that he’s dealt with in a hospital who had problems with impulse control. And how they had been told all of their lives “Just don’t do this. Don’t behave that way. This is bad.” And they hear it, comprehend it, know it, but don’t implement it. So he tells them a story, the story of The Tortoise and the Hare by Aesop. And how the Tortoise plods along while the Hare blasts away and then takes a rest because he feels he doesn’t have to work so hard when he will obviously win the race. And how the Tortoise just keeps plodding, passes up the sleeping Hare and ultimately wins the race.

“Slow and steady wins the race”

John said that after this story some of his patients would stop having problems with impulse control in the hospital. He didn’t know that this particular story was in itself a good reminder for me as I often get so frustrated at my pace versus the pace of other stewards. But that’s besides the point. After sharing this with me he says,

“So when you say that you want to tell stories, I say more power to you.” Because stories are important he says, and you could help someone to see something, he says.

I smile and I say thank you. It feels like a moment of, a conversation of grace, and I am thankful for it. And if this tortoise hadn’t been at the pace she was on her rooms, the conversation wouldn’t have happened.

February 7 - Day 13 - Food on the National Geographic SeaBird

2011-02-07T23:22:00.000-05:00

In my life I generally have a problem with eating too much, too often, the wrong things for the wrong reasons. Sometimes the reason is because I love the food which in itself isn’t a wrong reason but when you eat past the point of enjoyment or when you aren’t hungry or when you’ve already had enough it is the wrong reason. There is definitely such a thing as too much of a good thing. While it doesn’t always last I have gone through lengthy periods where I can give up say sugar and white flour. If I set my mind and will to this, if I plan for it I can accomplish it for quite a long time.

The boat is different.

I have a hard enough time off the boat but on it? Crew food is usually what is left over (a lot) from the vacation style meals we serve guests. So there is a lot of good food around a lot of the time. Nearly everyday you’ll find fresh baked cookies or some kind of decadent dinner time dessert not to mention croissaints, scones and fresh baked muffins in the morning and La Fuertes ice cream in the freezer. It is ridiculous. And since you’re working so much the temptation to use yummy treats as your stress relief is huge. We eat buffet style and together (the together is good!) so portion control is also rather difficult as is planning your own meals.

On my own I can, as I said, give up sugar and flour for extended periods of time. On the boat I often go to bed thinking “really. You have to do better tomorrow. You CAN do better tomorrow. This week! This month! The rest of your contract! You’re surrounded by good HEALTHY food too and you’ve done this before. C’mon girl! You can do this.”

And then lunch time rolls around and I’m grumpy from making 16 beds, cleaning 8 heads, and serving two meals before 2:00 so when the fresh and well made chocolate chip cookies, or peanut butter cookies, or chocolate Chambord tart, or ice cream sundae bar with hot caramel and toasted coconut, or crème brulee come out my resolve is gone and so are four cookies.

I am not the only person with this problem. Most stewards gain weight during their contract. Most of us talk about food a lot, about everything I’ve said here. Most of us try giving things up and fail. Sometimes we don’t.(By this I mean both ’fail’ and ’give up.) Daisey and Edd have been going without desserts for about 10 days now. I was with them for about two and then I got super grumpy at dinner and said “screw it!” as I forcefully attacked a chocolate Chambord with a spoon. I wasn’t grumpy anymore but I’m pretty sure I ate two more things after that and went to bed with a tummy ache. Before that I went 10 days without sugar, my longest stint on the boat, and that was good. Anyway, tonight while polishing silverware they were talking about it, and we were talking about it, and Jason- the bartender- came and was talking about it. The three of them decided to go raw foods for the next four days and after a moment of uncertainty I decided to join too. So - four days. I’m excited. It’s much better to do it with people. Tomorrow should be interesting. J

February 6, Day 14

2011-02-07T00:46:00.000-05:00

Today I got off of the boat with Edd, Daisey and Marc (newish stew. Jackie’s replacement but has worked on the boat before.) at Isle Danzante which I just learned means ‘dancers’ and we took a two and half hour walk along to coastline. This wasn’t a straight and easy beach walk mind you, it was rocky, pebbly, barnacley, etc. It was so good to get off of the boat and to walk and climb. We saw some beautiful beaches and Edd- whom we called our EL (expedition leader)- showed us a cave he had discovered a bit ago. The water was a beautiful color. We saw two ospreys and I got stabbed by a plant. And now it’s very much time for bed.

2011-02-06T01:12:00.000-05:00

February 4 & 5 - Days 16 & 15

So I’m writing for this day on the fifth and I can’t for the life of me remember what to write about yesterday. Perhaps because tonight is so full of today which is not a bad thing. Yesterday was Jackie’s last full day of her six month contract. We got on within a week of one another so she has been here for my full contract and we’ve been through the ups, downs, crazy and happy with each other. Jackie is my room mate and also a fellow artist so our reasons for being here were similar and so were many of the frustrations we had in being here. We are very different people, Jackie and I, and we didn’t really get to know each other until a positioning trip where we were roommates in an upstairs cabin and both seasick and thus stuck with each other. I’m really grateful for that trip. We talked, and laughed, felt nauseas, read. And do you know what’s really great? That was supposed to happen. When we got to our room Jackie couldn’t find her Ipod anywhere and couldn’t figure out why or to where it had disappeared. Later it was easily found among her things. If the ‘seashells’ had turned up earlier, I don’t think we would have spent the time together like we did.

Anyway, Jax has been looking forward to getting off pretty much since she got on and yesterday and today were a good thing for her. I’ll miss my friend and I’m grateful that today (Feb 5) I got to get off of the boat and spend some time with her. We had ice cream and reminisced. The initial rule was no talk about work but then we realized that our entire experience with one another had to do with ‘work’ so we changed the rule to no negative talk about work and went over things we enjoyed about the past six months while enjoying La Fuertes ice creams by the polka dotted tree. Later we met up with Lucy, one of our chief mates, and sat on the balcony at their hotel with guacamole, tacos, soup and something yummy of which we aren’t sure what it was. The sunshine was lovely and so was the company, conversation and food. Though we’ve worked with Lucy on and off for the past six months, neither of us knew her very well and in an hour we learned more than we had in six months. I suppose that’s only partly true. We’ve learned things about her character, her personality, how she works (she’s an awesome Chief Mate), etc. We have in essence seen her in action. But you can watch someone, be with someone, and still miss a lot of them. The boat can be funny like that. We’re all together all the time and know quite a bit about each other, but there is quite a lot we don’t know, quite a lot that is happening right in this space that you aren’t even aware of. We’re together but mostly we’re working, or on crazy schedules and so we miss things. So moments over guacamole, moments when a hotel manager makes a special effort and makes it possible to have a ‘family’ meal together, moments when you go out with someone in a kayak or on a hike, when you get stuck seasick in a cabin together, these are good, precious and a time to learn more about someone. Today I learned that Lucy loves to play classical piano and that she is good at it. In all of six months I never knew that and yet it’s a big part of who she is. But not on the boat. Funny little ship world this.

So Jax is gone. I missed her when Kathy softly played the banjo in the corner of the dining room tonight. She bought it off of Jackie before she left today. At the beginning of dinner service there was a moment of empty because you could tell she was gone. I'm glad for her that she's done and she can get on with her tour, with seeing her adorable nephew. Yay Jackie! Six months!

And in two weeks...that's me.

Countdown continues - Days 19, 18, 17 Feb 1, 2, 3

2011-02-04T00:21:00.002-05:00

Day 19 - Feb 1

It was a late galley rnorning and I didn’t go on the early whale watching boat because last time it was cold and foggy and we didn’t get very close. It was very cool but I thought sleeping in sounded good since I’d been on two boats the day previous. Mistake.

Daisey and Ian went and the morning was perfectly clear and beautiful and they touched and kissed whales. So jealous. The boats also came across the nursery/play date we had seen the day before AND we even had a Mama and calf come very close to the SeaBird in the morning. I had my arms full of produce and was walking down toward the bow to see them waving their flukes and rolling in the water. It’s always cool.

Also missed bow riding dolphins in the bioluminescence. It was the day of missing things I suppose.

However I was taking a nap - galley duty will do that to you- and heard squeaking which meant dolphins and I did get to go see them. This also doesn’t stop being cool and the fact that I can know they’re there because I can hear them in my bed makes me smile.

Day 18 - Feb 2

At lunchtime Captain Kay had a crew meeting to tell us that the weather was going to be, “Well there’s no pretty way to say it, it’s going to be shitty and then it’s going to get worse.” I love Captain Kay.

And he was right.

It was the worst that I have experienced it on this boat, and on positioning trips we’ve had it pretty bad. Of course, it may have felt worse than those times for the fact that on positioning we don’t have guests and I can go lay down. This time I was in the galley, working. Oh. My. Goodness. I could not wait for it to be over and I am not sure how we got through it. My fellow stews laughed when I came through the double doors of the galley, pale and not ready to talk to anyone. They were proud of me for making it and I wasn’t so far gone that I couldn’t appreciate their laughter at my state.

Hardly anyone came to dinner, guests were freaking out in the companionways because that is of course very helpful, some slept in the dining room, those of us in the focsle were reassigned to rooms not on the bow of the boat. Sleep wasn’t really sleep and getting up this morning we found the boat in an interesting state to say the least. Actually things weren’t nearly as bad as they could have been because our trusty deck force did an excellent job of buttoning things done and securing near everything. When I came up at 5:30 am to start galley work there were guests in the dining room asleep, tops of settees were off and bags of coffee lay on the floor, tables had toppled over. There were a few things on the galley floor but not much. Then I opened up the back reefer and out came the tuna fish, a cheesecake and some garlic. The cheesecake was, thank goodness, salvageable but the tuna got into the cracks of the galley mat so my first line of work had nothing to do with what I should have been getting done. What a crazy morning! I was in good spirits though, and so were most. The boat was no longer moving and Captain said we were staying put for 24 hours. Hallelujah!

Day 17 - Feb 3

Was reminded inadvertently by my bro today to take time and be still with God. So I got off of face book, off of Baptop and took a minute out on the fantail. It’s been cold, not chilly but cold, most of today but there was a nook of sunshine that felt yummy on my face and I was able to sit and be quiet. The water here is beautiful turquoise blue, it’s one of the first beaches that we came to in Baja. As I sat and reminded myself that I didn’t have to DO anything, didn’t have to speak anything, that it was good to be still and know He is God the rest of that psalm came to my mind and was interesting in light of last night. It’s one of my favourite psalms.

God is our refuge and strength

An ever present help in times of trouble

Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way

Though the mountains crumble into the heart of the sea

Though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God

The holy place where the most high dwells. God is with her, she will not fall

God will help her at break of day.

Day 20, January 31

2011-02-01T00:26:00.001-05:00

Okay so I think my countdown number were slightly off so we’re recalibrating today with

Day 20, January 31. I’m disappointed that I don’t have the other days written here because I was enjoying the consistency but ah well. I’ve been tired at bedtime and up early so it is what it is.

Jan 28 I woke up early to go out and see whales again. It wasn’t nearly as wonderful as the night before with Kathy (ohmigoodness. ) but we still did see them. Afterward I worked all day in the galley.

Jan 29- turn day. Yucky. Worked 15 hours straight. Yucky. But learned from Captain that the amazing trip we had had was indeed spectacular and the best we can hope to see out here. And the grey whales aren’t usually as active and friendly, the weather isn’t usually as good as it was this week in Mag bay. We were very fortunate and it’s good to know.

Jan 30- Galley day. I’m the galley stew this week and working in the galley wasn’t as bad as I’d been dreading. Dishes galore and the wonderful end of day smell of stagnant dishwater. Ended the day with some good quiet time on the lido deck. While praying I thought of my resentful angry attitude yesterday with my fellow stews because they get their work done so much faster than me. I confessed this and prayed for forgiveness and then felt prompted to think of something in each of the stewards that I was grateful for. It was very good.

Bringing us to today…

Jan 31, Day 20, Day off.

Woke early to go watch the sunrise on the bow but it was SOOO windy and cold that I went back to bed. For three hours. Wow. Felt pretty rested when I did get up though.

Captain put together a crew boat for us for whale watching and I went out on both. I am so determined to actually touch one of these beautiful creatures. Second round we saw five mama and calf pairs at the same time and one fluked right by our boat. It makes me so happy to see them. They are amazing.

I want to write about the whales- grey whales- well soon.

Thirty day Countdown - Day 22 January 27

2011-01-28T18:50:00.003-05:00

http://www.expeditions.com/DER_Details113.asp?DailyReport=151673&SearchSource=Results&Month=&Year=&Ship=&Destination=&Keyword=

The red arm is me. Enough said for now. This day was like Christmas.

Thirty Day Countdown- Day 23 January 26

2011-01-28T18:48:00.002-05:00

This morning Jordan got us outside to see a beautiful pink sunrise carried by altocumulus clouds that I'm not sure I can spell. I stood on the fantail with several people that I work with and like quite a bit, all of us taking a break from getting ready for the day, ready for guest breakfast, ready for whatever and watching the golden, pink, blue on the water and in the clouds. It was a good moment, and peaceful, and well shared. And then there were dolphins.

Thirty day countdown - Day 24, January 25

2011-01-26T01:00:00.001-05:00

Last night- yes I’m going back to yesterday because this is just too cool- I was watching a movie in the crew lounge with some friends/fellow crew. The phone rang, I thought it was on the movie but it was our ship phone which meant someone from another part of the ship was calling. Clayton picked up the receiver and when he placed it back down again he had a message from the bridge- ‘Dolphins on the bow’. Now we generally get happy about dolphins on the bow in the daytime, but at night? We ran up the stairs. As I ran down the outside 200 companionway the daily routineness of the boat that I’ve lived on for the past five and a half months dissolved and the whole moment took on a romantic quality, even the familiar walkway. Daisey must have felt this too because later she said “I’m in love, I’m just in love! Not with anything, just in love!” It no longer felt like the boat but a ship, and had that excitement that the people who vacation here must feel.

I was amazed at how quietly we ran. I was already taking this in, feeling myself run past guest cabins soundlessly and then I realized that Daisey too was running behind me. I hadn’t noticed because of her equally silent pace. As we reached the bow I touched the railing and felt fine salt that had blown in and built up. I knew that if I could see it it would be sparkling. But we couldn’t see much making our way to the bow, it was very dark. We did make our way, Daisey clutching my arm because we couldn’t see anything. Finding the bow we leaned over the railing into the dark water.

Dolphns leapt ahead of our boat, visible because of Baja’s magical bioluminescence, their bodies outlined glowingly. Sometimes you’d see a jet of light come in from the side and join in. We could see them jump out of the water, hear them take in oxygen. The night was dark, moonless as she had disappeared sometime ago, only the stars were bright. And many.

I don’t even know who was on the bow experiencing this with us. Leah was there on my right, Daisey on my left, all of us leaning on the bow, our heads poking over. I just know there were lots of giggles and exclamations at the wonder of it. I know it was lovely. And it was lovely afterwards to look up and see the stars. Daisey and I stayed after the dolphins and the other humans had gone. She told me that when she was a deckhand she was doing a bridge watch at night in Baja and she spotted something. It looked like a sailboat, one they were about to run into. They couldn’t figure out where it had come from, it wasn’t on the radar, and they were a little nervous. And then they realized that it was a bioluminescent whale, moving around in the water.

I went to bed thinking about the dolphins, about what we saw, about the idyllic feel of the moment. I woke up thinking about it too.

~ ~ ~

This morning before guest breakfast Leah leaped through the dining room doors excited and happy, and ran through the back to the fantail. I wondered what on earth was going on to get this reaction and went up to the lido after asking Tom and realizing we were seeing whales. I didn’t see them while I was out and went back down to setup. Leah came back into the dining room and freaked out looking out the window. There were humpbacks and they were breaching. And when I say breaching I mean dancing, and leaping, and spinning out of the water. It was incredible. I haven’t seen them do this yet, we just changed our Baja route and apparently we’ll see it often now. Raz told me that last year they were having apps on deck and saw a hundred breaches. I have a bookmark that a past crew member bought me in Alaska of humpbacks dancing and this was it. I didn’t know I would see it. My goodness.

It reminded me of Psalms that talk about all the earth rejoicing, all the earth, the sea and everything in it praising the Lord. I learned today while cleaning rooms that all the humpbacks in the ocean, in different parts, far apart, sing the same song and that from when they leave the breeding areas like Baja and go to the feeding places like Alaska, when they return to the breeding areas the song has changed, gone on, but they’re all still singing the change. How does this happen? they ask. Because our God is so good, so mysterious and wonderful. That’s how.

Day 25- January 24

2011-01-23T21:36:00.001-05:00

I felt so much better today after all the rest I got yesterday! Hurrah for the cold being on the way out the door. Plus I decided to have another go at no sugar (harder than ever in my life on this boat surrounded by very yummy desserts) and healthy eating to try and say adieu to some boat weight before my contract is over. I woke up with time to spare before work which was nice.

Was supposed to book my travel today but got stalled. That’s okay though because I do know now that I AM going to Florida! I’ve become a winter wimp and don’t know that I’m ready for what Mom says is 5 degree weather. Hmmm. No. I have family there that I would like to see and I’m very excited to get to go.

Post contract Baby tour USA looks like

La Paz to LA- nothing to do with babies, I just want to check out the city because I’ve been curious for a long time. Hoping to see John Kirby’s studio and check out a couple of other actor specific things.

LA to St.Louis - to meet my nephew, Abel! Kaelen’s beautiful baby boy. I haven’t seen Kae since the wedding over a year ago and I’m so glad that I’ll get to stay with her for about a week.

St. Louis to Florida - where hopefully my cousin hasn’t already set off for New Zealand because I want to meet her beautiful baby girl.

And eventually home to see my darling twin cousins and niece Cora.

*note-niece and nephew terms here are aunthood by friendship. Though they feel like sisters*

And of course to see their respective parents and my own. There’s a little boy on board right now, his name is Luka and he’s adorable. He makes me think of my brothers - though they aren’t that little anymore- and of my cousin Tyler.

~ ~ ~

Today we were at Los Islotes in the morning. Los Islotes is like a large aquatic puppy kennel. Perhaps I have written about this before. It’s the home and mating ground of a LOT of noisy, fighting, playful, funny, smelly sea lions. Also pelicans, blue and brown footed boobys, yellow footed gulls and jellyfishlike stinging pink rainbow things. When we get to Los Islotes you can hear it and smell it. The sea lions bark and bark, at each other and for no reason in particular too I’m sure. They lay on the rocks, some lazily actually sleeping. Some of these are lovely to see. Some of them are blonde and look truly golden. Some lay with their babies on top of them and they are just adorable. Then there are the noisy fighting ones- mostly males with large ugly shelves for foreheads. They are pretty funny to see. Then there are the babies. A few weeks ago I took a zodiac tour around the island with our naturalist William and some guests. A baby sea lion came up to our boat playfully. He was so close I could have kissed him. I wanted to.

The highlight of Los Islotes is swimming with the sea lions. I have only done this once, on New years eve, which was a fabulous day that I’ve yet to write about. It was a very neat experience. They brush by you, swimming so gracefully. I’ve heard of them becoming curious, of them nipping at flippers, and skin, but I didn’t have any come that close. They did swim in close proximity though and I squealed quite often. In delight, wonder and amusement, not fear. It was really cool but once you take off that snorkel mask and get a whiff of the rocks you’re ready to get back in the snorkel boat. J And you try not to think too much about WHAT you’re swimming in. Particularly because this is where we joke about the ‘Christmas Miracle’ of snow covered rocks that are actually Pelican poo. Lots and lots of pelican poo.

Even watching the sea lions from the Sea Bird is fun though. They are so curious and funny.

Day 26 - January 23

2011-01-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

Day off. Hallelujah, I need it. I went to bed fairly early last night so as to sleep this bug off. I had some weird dreams, which has been a staple lately but was also partly due to the five minutes of Underworld that I promised Daisey and Ian I would sit through. It was actually more like three and a half but I had their blessing for sitting through the intro. I woke up earlier than I would have liked because of drills. We have weekly drills for abandon ship and fire. It’s a tad distressing when this winds up on your day off, but that’s just boat life. I’d been a bit bitter about it but really if I hadn’t had to wake up for drills I also wouldn’t have woken up to see…

Blue WhaleS! Note the plural here. On this beautiful, sunshiney, still water morning we saw not one, not two but THREE blue whales at the same time! Magnificent. Now you can’t see them in the sense of a children’s book layout where the whole animal is visible before you, but rather bits of their large bodies as they come up out of the water. Just knowing that you’re seeing the most enormous creature that lives is amazing. Seeing three at once, hearing them blow, watching their gigantic footprints as they go back under the water…it’s wonderful. A couple of weeks ago we were asking about why it’s the largest creature that ever lived, wondering about dinosaurs that we had thought must certainly have been larger. Over the intercom this week I heard one of our naturalists, Carlos, explain that it is the largest animal in mass- as some of the bigness of dino’s was due to long necks or other such thin lengthy appendages

Three at once. Just amazing.

Day 27 - January 22

2011-01-23T21:34:00.001-05:00

Turn day. Turn day’s are when one group of guests leaves in the morning and we get the whole boat ‘turned’ (cleaned, scrubbed, ready) for the next round of guests who will get on a few short hours later in the afternoon. Turn days are long days and I used to abhor them with tears and tiredness. I’m still not particularly fond of them but I’ve accepted that my work takes me as long as it does and now I get a kick out of the adrenaline rush.

This was a fifteen hour turn day- which happens often for me but today it was all of us stews. I woke up feeling groggy from this cold, my ears and throat hurting. I asked Daisey if when she was sick it was her ears and throat. She said it wasn’t and so I suddenly became worried. She suggested I talk to the Dr. He told me it was a cold and I was relieved to hear it.

So during this crazy, working, hectic day with a nightmarish moment of opening the stack (where we keep the clean linens) which I thought was to be my job to clean up, found it packed quite literally to the brim. My senior stew, Kathy Miller, wanted to organize it today though. Thank heavens for that. Instead I got to be bossy, which I’m really good at, and play senior stew at dinner. It was kind of fun.

But the highlight moment of this, day 27 in a thirty day countdown, was the huge coconut that my dear roommate Daisey brought to me from La Paz. I stuck a straw in it in between dressed and ready and inro’s. I was so thirsty from cabin cleaning and the cool coconut water was soothing on my sore throat. Mmmmmm. Thank you Daisey.

Oh! And we got good coffee today too which is also a happy thing. Seattle’s Best baby! And Henry’s blend! Which made me think of my Mama. J Who I will get to see soon. Yay!

Thirty Day Countdown

2011-01-22T00:51:00.000-05:00

Thirty day countdown

One month until my six month contract is over!

30~ January 19

Today we saw bottlenose dolphins. It has been a while since we’ve seen dolphins and we’re glad for the visit. As I’m cleaning cabins I stop and lean over the railing on the 200 level. The water is so clear that I can see their sleek bodies deep under the water and tell when they’re going to surface.

Watching them today is different than usual. It has a slower quality. There aren’t as many of them and they’re swimming slowly, softly, smoothly and in the same direction. Often we are in the midst of a dolphin party where they swim every which way and jump out of the water like crazy people, It’s fun and amazing to see but I really enjoy this moment of the boat and dolphins moving slowly slowly beside one another. It is lulling and I take it in happily.

Day 29 - January 20

More dolphins today and this time the partying kind. They were going wild and there were grown ups & babies. I sat up on the lido deck, the topmost deck which is where we store zodiacs and kayaks. It’s crew access only and moments like these, when we have this all around view and no guests about, make us very glad for this perk. With me is our chief mate Lucy, senior deckhand Ian (who told us about the view from the lido), deckhand Amelia, bosun Carter (Jordan’s older brother), and senior stew Kathy Miller who no matter how many times she sees a dolphin or whale will never cease to freak out delightedly and yell. It is fantastic to watch dolphins with Kathy Miller. “Shut. Up! Stop it! Just stop being so cute! I just wanna HOLD you.” Watching dolphins with Kathy Miller is just a whole other experience.

Tonight was beach barbeque and even though I’m feeling a little down with this cold coming on Jackie persuaded me to go to the fire after we were done with chores. Jackie and I have both been in the nap trap of late and the combinations of her being the one to push me off the boat, her leaving soon, and wanting to make the most of my last month here, I decided to go. We packed up the smores stuff and a few of us went over. Surprisingly there were still guests over there. They usually clear out by the time we get back. It was good to see them lingering by the fire though. Someone mentioned smores as in “wouldn’t now be a good time for some”. Ian poked me and looked at me with meaningful arched eyebrows which I took to mean “We have smores stuff, won’t they be glad to know.” I was incorrect in my translation though and after I made the announcement to the group Ian explained that he meant “Smores is our secret”. He said he’ll be more specific with his eyebrow language next time.

When most guests had gone Jackie brought out her guitar and sang for us. I love to listen to Jackie sing. She sang us a lullaby about the sea written for her nephews first birthday. The fire was warm, the waves lapped against the beach of Puerto Gato with it’s strange red rocks that I like so much. The moon was full but often hiding behind night clouds. Jordan and I talked in an old familiar way that was nice. It was a good evening and worth staying up for.

*You can find Jackie’s music on Itunes. I would love to see her get a big boost of purchases on her songs this month if everyone who reads this would go and download one from I-tunes. I think it’s a whole dollar and it would bless her. Go to Itunes and look for Jackie Daum.

Day 28 - January 21

Today this cold caught up with me more. I was so tired so all I did today was work and sleep and mostly work. I’d like to go hang out upstairs, unwind a little, but I needs me some sleep so I write this from my top bunk after taking some Nyquil and hoping to feel better tomorrow. I have a day off after turn day that I am so looking forward to. I feel like something more interesting than this certainly happened today but I’m afraid it isn’t coming to my mind. So goodnight.

2010-12-21T23:49:00.000-05:00

December 20

My senior steward and I fondly call working here the boat bi-polar. Within an hours time, or maybe 10 minutes, you can easily find yourself from one emotional extreme to another. This was particularly true for me the first few weeks of my contract (oh hey! Two months left as of yesterday by the by!). This is certainly the hardest job that I’ve ever had. (Right now I’m writing this rather objectively and during an ‘up & up’ portion of ‘boat bi-polar’ so don‘t worry. J ) I have in one moment been amazed to be kayaking among seastars and jellies in remote places of Alaska and another having a meltdown while cleaning a cabin, throwing pillows and heave crying saying to myself “You do not do this! You don’t lose it like this! This is not professional!” A picture which now makes me laugh out loud. I can be freaking out on a turn day* trying to soft scrub 1 of 7 heads* that are part of cabins which need to be fully turned around from guests that got off that morning for guests who are getting on at 5:00. And I can be laughing in a snorkel mask with disbelief that I get to be paid to be in Baja California. Boat bi-polar.

*turnday- the day one group of guests disembarks in the morning and a whole new boat load of guests comes on in the afternoon.

*head- bathroom

~ ~ ~

Today is my brother Samuel’s 12^th birthday. Happy Birthday Sam! I love that kiddo and miss him muchly and I hope that his day, and coming year are remarkably good.

~ ~ ~

Happy Christmas week! I love Christmas and even though I’m not home (can’t think about it!) I’m excited that it’s Christmas. I love this time and I’ve been reading through advent devotions that are very good. Last night my friend and fellow steward, Edd, read with me and we also read through the prayers and such for the day in his prayer book. It was such a good thing and my heart was very glad. Tonight Jackie and I worked on harmonizing a couple of Christmas carols and we’re going to try and get the boys to sing with us for Christmas day. Thanks to the lovely Miss Leah our crew lounge is decorated with a string of Christmas lights, sprig of mistletoe and even a felt snowman “Let It Snow” sign. I don’t really see that happening though; J Here we call Pelican Poo on the rocks our “snow”. Strangely it looks just like it. We’ll have a ‘blue’ Christmas with the beautiful Baja water. Daisey and I are going to bake cookies on Christmas eve and we’ve all drawn names for exchanging gifts. Plus I have a brown paper package from home sitting in my closet.

“It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.”

Smile. I’ve had this line from ‘The Grinch’ going round in my head.

And now I shall go and take a short late night nap before the lunar eclipse at midnight thirty. G’night.

Santa Catalina Day Off

2010-12-14T22:37:00.000-05:00

I woke up at 7:30 today so I could catch a zodiac for a hike and snorkeling at Santa Catalina on my first Baja day off. After gathering snorkel gear and a quick bite of chicken tortilla scrambled eggs and blueberry oat pancakes left for the island and joined a hike one of our naturalists, Sharon, was leading. Sharon speculated that the island had gotten some of the recent hurricane activity because the barrel cactus were doing beautifully and she could feel some moisture in the air. This is the only part of the world where you can find barrel cactus which are very tall and multi limbed. Which incidentally is not a term the naturalists used.

The area here is uninhabited and yet the trail we took was nearly perfect because it was an ‘arryo’, a dry river bed. Santa Catalina is the only home of the rattle-less rattlesnake. We didn’t see any of these but we did see hummingbirds, mockingbirds, ravens, woodpeckers, and even a Christmas cardinal. As for plants there were many barrel cactus as well as the aptly named Japanese lantern plant, indigo, night blooming jasmine and other things which I don’t remember the names of. Oh! We saw desert mistletoe.

If you were to walk alone here, which I can do next time, you would be able to experience a quiet unlike you can find anywhere I’ve been before. You’d have chattering birds but that’s about it.

Coming back from the hike, it is a very different thing to go from desert Wil-E Coyote/Roadrunner terrain to the lapping of waves against a beach of smooth granite rocks.

We took the zodiac from here back to the SeaBird only to board almost immediately again to go out snorkeling. And there I swallowed quite a bit of salt water, got a saline wash for my eyeballs, and saw some beautiful sea life with Daisey and Tom. I pestered a pufferfish (to no avail), surveyed a starfish (blue), hovered over some urchins (yeah, there goes the alliteration.), was enamored by the little blue neon fish, and stung by a jelly for the first time.

After lunch and a nap I could tell we must have sighted something because the boat had slowed down. Sure enough I could hear strange eerie shrill shrieking from my cabin and then Jackie’s footsteps coming down the focsle stairs to verbosely announce “Dolphins. Hundreds.” We ran upstairs and watched with the rest of the boat as these hundreds of playful water mammals jumped around in the water, sometimes following to boat, sometimes jumping full body lengths out of the air.

It was a good day off.

Bonanza Beach Swim. Without the Beach.

2010-12-09T15:44:00.003-05:00

Several of us spent the better part of yesterday horizontal as we hit some seasick creating waves. It's really the first day like that we've had for positioning and it was the last of about seven so that's good. After laying in bed pretty much all day I felt the boat finally get still around 5. I began getting up to clean one of my rooms or something productive but Ryan knocked on the cabin door as I was getting my uniform together to say that we were going swimming.

Change of plans then. :)

And so we did. A bunch of us got our swimsuits on, but a piece of carpet down on the 200 level deck and dove off into the beautiful teal blue sea under a crescent of a moon. It was scary to think that something bigger or at least fiercer than our boat could very easily be beneath or around us but it didn't stop us. The salt water felt so so good and it wasn't cold like I'd expected it to be.

~ ~
Today we're in La Paz. It is beautiful and sunshiny and we got ice cream from a shop with a polka dot painted tree. There are pelicans on the water and sometimes when friggit birds fly over, silhouetted over the desert skyline it looks like some kind of prehistoric landscape.

Thanks to Miss Jackie Daum for the picture. Left to right; Kendra (chief mate), Amelia (deckhand), Jackie (steward. Also roomie and musician.), Ryan (steward), Alexis (third mate), Edd (steward), Me, Tom (deckhand)

A Good Day

2010-12-06T22:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I walked out the cabin door to see fellow crew members rushing upstairs. Dolphins. They weren't bow riding, weren't actually even very close, but I did see two or three of them and more importantly the ushering out to the deck let me see that all around us was the big beautiful blue sea, that it was calm, and that it wasn't cold out. All of these were a welcome relief after two weeks of dusty grimy shipyard.

I got to work outside nearly all day. I sanded chairs getting them ready to be varnished. It was good to work with my hands and see progress as the day went on. I got to see the daylight change. Oh and we even saw a whale spout!

At midday Ryder (one of the deckhands) stopped me from sanding to point out that in every direction you could see nothing but sea and sky. No other boats. No mountains. Nothing but blue on blue. That night as dusk fell the stars came out crystal clear in the dark night sky. Beautiful. I leaned backward off the side of the ship so that the sky became the bowl beneath me and the water a canopy above my head. There was the smallest sliver of dusk light right at the horizon to show the difference between the two.

Just for a clear picture of what is going on on the boat right now- we've finished shipyard and are positioning south to Baja California (Mexico). It is a seven day positioning trip. For such a trip we don't have any guests on board and the ship is secured. ie; drawers and cupboards are taped up, windows are bolted which means on the dining room/cabin floors we have an eternal dusk. On the last two positioning trips I was on it was extremely rocky and we are a little boat and most of us were sea sick and not a whole lot got done. This trip is calm and even the most sensitive to motion are bustling about working long hours to get ship shape for the upcoming guest trips.

We are in day ... actually I lose track of time on this boat and especially during positioning so I don't know what day we're on but we get to La Paz on December 9.

Thanks for reading!

Tight spaces

2010-11-27T23:10:00.004-05:00

Sometimes decaf coffee drinkers luck out. Example- here I am at Starbucks an hour before closing and since most people like hi rev coffee (this week so do I during the day. Still only little bits.) they don't even have it brewed which means for the same price I get an americano. The same used to be true at my favourite coffeeshop in Indiana. And I have to say I am enjoying the well marketed comfort here. (For more on feelings of that nature this week read two blogs down. ;) )

Today I was down in the laz (lazarette/engine room). I worked hard and felt like I was five. It's rather tight and labryinthy down there. Unlike the bilges there is plenty of light but strangely I felt more claustrophobic in the laz than I did in the bilges. Claustrophobic is incorrect- claustro-frustrated is far more apt. But before we go into that how about a little bit of translation as to what on the boat I'm talking about anyway?

So as I have mentioned we are currently in Shipyard which means they've hauled the SeaBird out of the water and she's raised up like a car at the mechanics. Only on a much larger scale. Before this we had to take a whole bunch of stuff out of her to get her ready for her 'spa treatment' as the bar tender, Patricia, put it. So right now our boat has no water- this time I mean running water- but we do have electricity. It's like camping except you work all day instead of hike or swim, and you don't always see the sky or sun or trees. And you have steak for dinner. And we don't sleep in tents. Okay so it's not actually much like camping but sometimes we think so. Our galley is temporarily moved to a blue tarp and the crew is living at the Days Inn, which by the way I'm thoroughly enjoying.

After the boat came up from the water we dutifully went about covering EVERYTHING inside her because of the huge mess we were about to make. Out came the garbage bags, the carpet masking (oh carpet masking. I will be perfectly fine if I never see carpet masking ever again.), the blue tape, the huge sheets of heavy duty plastic until the inside of our boat looked like an energetic 8 year olds imagination playground. With hard hats. On the outside the Shipyard workers began necessary maintenance on the SeaBird. I wasn't part of this so I'm not entirely sure what it entailed but I know there were sparks, blow torches and paint.

On to the bilges. So the bilges are as far under the boat as you can get and as far as I can understand without having actually asked the water system is in it. So we climb under the crew quarter floors to get into these small dark compartments called bilges and there we chip off bad spots and rust, grind them down where necessary, clean up and then paint. I say 'we' but until today I really only did this once. People walk around in white tyvex coverall suits and look either like astronauts, scientists from E.T. or Oompa Loompahs in Willy Wonka's television room. They come out of the bilges and look like miners. Sometimes we don't recognise our own because their appearance quite changes during the day's work.

As for myself- Jackie and I have been doing a lot of odd jobs. I've done some of the Engine Room organizing for Perry - not much organizing. Mostly moving things to their new containers and relabeling. But apparently useful so that's good. We have both done a LOT of carpet masking. Some of the carpet is being redone and so carpets we had masked had to be remasked- poor Jackie got stuck with most of that which is semi-hilarious because she abhorred carpet masking from the first day and I worked with her. Jackie's nickname is 'sailor mouth' and some of the things she said while we were trying to work with this obnoxiously difficult material made me laugh out loud. (Jackie is a musician and my roommate.)

Today I got put in the Laz to work with most everyone else. Now the Laz is also under everything but it's where most of what we unloaded and what I've been organizing goes and it's where most of the mechanics and everything else of the boat are maintained. There is technically a lot more space than in the bilges and yet I felt like a five year old today because I kept nearly having temper tantrum nervous breakdowns down there. I wasn't afraid of the closeness but I was incredibly frustrated by it. Do you know that feeling when you're a little kid and you can't make something simple work- you get caught in a piece of clothing and can't get it fixed right and you become so so frustrated by it? That is how I felt. I knew it shouldn't be a big deal but I kept bumping my head and I couldn't reach places I needed to clean and my spray bottle didn't work and I bashed my thumb. It makes me laugh to think about it all now but wow I HATED the Laz. hahaha!

But when I would come up into the blue sky and sun to breathe fresh air (oh yes, we also walk around with goggles and respirators. When we aren't wearing hardhats that is. :) ) and walk a little grumpy into the dining room I was cheered by the sight of this bright red poinsettia that one of the carpeting guys bought for us. He was grateful for being part of our -really yummy and nice - Thanksgiving dinner and so brought the flower for us. It makes me so happy.

Hmmmm. As I type this a lady comes to sit near the plug because the scooter she needs to get around wants recharging. She tells me that it came with a bad battery and so it works very slowly and they've been waiting a very long time for the new battery to come. As she tells me this I think that that must be truly frustrating. She sits down next to me, her husband across from her on a laptop working on his book. Her name is Fran and we have rather a nice chat in the twenty minutes before Starbucks closes.

And now it's time for bed. Good night.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T02:11:00.004-05:00

When I was a little girl my Mom used to take a brown paper bag and cut it into the shape of a featherless Turkey at Thanksgiving. Then she would cut feathers out of appropriately colored construction paper and we would write down on each feather something that we were thankful for. The turkey and the feathers all went up with scotch tape on our big glass front door. (I think one of the reasons I want to be a Mom is because ours did such a good job of making childhood fun.)

There was going to be more to this blog when I began composing it in my head during shipyard today but this seems to be all I can remember. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and sadly I won't be home. I will however be donning my hardhat, goggles, and coveralls to go work in shipyard. I've never done that on Thanksgiving before. :) We'll get off early which is good and we'll have Thanksgiving yumminess in our little makeshift galley tarp which will also be a new experience.

Holidays almost always make me excited and happy- even stupid ones. I'm not including Thanksgiving as a 'stupid one' by the way. But there are some stupid ones and I even get happy about those. It's kind of weird but I'll take it.

If I had a brown paper bag turkey with construction paper feathers how colorful and full could we make his plumage together? :) If you care to leave a note, tell what you're thankful for. Thanks for reading.
~Faith
plume 1 (red)- the difficulty of choosing just one plume.
plume 2 (orange) - that spellcheck asked me to change 'yumminess' to 'chumminess'. hahaha!

Positioning, Fam Trips and Shipyard, oh my!

2010-11-19T02:08:00.003-05:00

right then- a super quick blog after a very long day! We're in shipyard for the next two weeks in Alameda, California our 3 day positioning trip from Oregon (hurrah for some good rest, a LOT of sleep (a rocking boat, seasick tablets, eternal night from boarded windows and a formerly busy schedule can make you sleep more than you knew you were capable of. And I know I'm capable of a good deal!)games of Boggle, conversations with Jackie, Christmas lights, silly movies, milkshakes, and bowriding dolphins.)* and two - day and a half familiarization trips in San Francisco (ohmigoodness they were BUSY.)
So anyhoo, for the next couple of weeks the ship is going to be drydocked and we're going to be fixin her up and getting her in 'ship shape' as is the annual custom. I'm excited for the change of pace and type of work. AND, we get to stay in a hotel almost the whole time and I am so so happy about all these crazy little American conveniences like free wi-fi and taco bell. And my goodness it's funny what ship perspective does- Jackie and I are amazed by ALL THIS SPACE. I don't hit my head and wander around wondering if I have a concussion because of my low ceiling bunk. The ceiling looks so high and in the bathroom the shower has an actual tub and is entirely seperate from the toilet! It's crazy! I will say they don't fold their towels as nicely here as we do on the ship though. ;) Ohmigoodness this very normal size hotel room is about 4 times the size of our quarters built for three and we're delirously happy with all the space. Or maybe we're just delirous- we did work from 6:30am to 9pm.
I don't know for sure how this reads as I am tired but do know that these aren't actually complaints just funny observations. We like our little cabin ( we actually missed it when we had to move to guest cabins for positioning), like our crazy boat life, and work today was unusual prepping the ship to go drydock.

*wow. I didn't realize that whole huge runon sentence was all parenthetical. Sorry about that. :)

Smeeks and Baby laptops

2010-11-11T18:44:00.002-05:00

Here I am, cold and wet, in the aptly chosen 'Wet Dog Cafe' in Astoria, Oregon. We are at the end of our river season of which I have written nothing and for that I apologize. Hopefully posts will be a bit more faithful now as I am the happy new owner of a brown 'baby' laptop. Darkness and I have been calling them (we ordered the same thing at the same time and so they are not only 'baby laptops' but 'sister baby laptops, Yes, we are silly.) baby laptops and looking forward to their arrival all smeek. And so now I get to sit here with a coffee and enjoy the wifi! How fun.

A 'smeek' is what we have been calling the small weeks that the river trips have consisted of. We begin in Portland, Oregon and travel through several locks up and down the Columbia and Snake rivers. I'm never quite sure if I'm in Washington or Oregon because one is on one side of us and the other on the other. So when we're in port and I call home or somewhere and they ask where I am I stall for a moment and then say 'I'm not sure'.

I'm kind of freezing here in my jeans which has nothing to do with the temperture of this establishment and everything to do with my rain soaked jeans. And so my happy wi-fi usage will be cut short so that I don't get a terrible cold before we position down to California. Hurrah sunshine!

More soon~

Month One

2010-09-09T18:06:00.000-04:00

Hullo from the National Geographic Sea Bird! On Sunday I will have been working here for one month and I keep pretty crazy busy so haven’t had much of a chance to sit down and write. Internet is limited but lucky us, the week after I came on they added a perk of giving crew internet cards once a month. Sweet!

So it’s been quite a full month. There isn’t much of a transition time here, you get on board and you start your job. I am in general a steward but what the postions change weekly and there are six of them. Basically I start the work day at about 6:30 setting up for guest breakfast, serving guest breakfast, cleaning up guest breakfast, eating my breakfast, begin cleaning anywhere from 6-13 cabins. This week it’s 13. That’s the morning. Then it’s time for crew lunch, set up guest lunch, serve guest lunch, clean guest lunch- break til 5. Crew dinner @ 5, dress for dinner service, set up dining room, turn down guest rooms, serve guest dinner, clean up guest dinner, spend some crew time catching our breath and then to bed to start it all again. It is not easy, it’s often very difficult BUT I still think I have a great job.

And my goodness, the things I have seen! In fact sometime the hardest part of my job is actually doing my job. Last week I was truly grumpy while cleaning cabins and I turned the corner just in time to see humpback whales come up bubble netting. I’ve seen orca’s, seals, sea lions, otters, eagles, glaciers, jelly fish, sea stars, puffins, bears, wolves, moose. I’ve seen glaciers calving and last night I did the polar plunge in Glacier Bay. Fabulous. Cold, salty, and fabulous. I’ve been kayaking and looked down to see jellies and remembered I wasn’t in the Shenandoah anymore. I’ve met people from National Geographic and stayed up late singing old songs with them.

I’m meeting new people, becoming part of a new community. It was really good to know someone before I came- it was hard enough that way so I don’t know how I would have done without Jordan. I’m learning to talk more about my faith, about truth, about God. It isn’t easy though and there is opposition there. It’s hard to not be part of a church community right now and getting into my own schedule and order is also difficult. God is gracious and I have found a couple of Christians on board and last week I had good conversations with some of the guests actually! We had Sister Rose Marie (rosemary) on board last week and it was a joy to meet her. She prayed for me and I was grateful. I met another lady last week too who turned out to be a sister in Christ. It was a great comfort to meet her and talk with her. We didn’t even talk much and I think we both realized we had a common faith before we really talked about it. Just knowing she was here was comforting and an answer to prayer. I haven’t begun a bible study but we did start a book discussion on Blue Like Jazz.

We are heading out of Alaska this week, into Canada and back to Seattle and Portland. After positioning we’ll begin the next cruise on the Columbia river. I hope this finds the reader well. Thanks for reading! ~Faith

2010-08-17T19:56:00.003-04:00

Petersburg Alaska. We've been having beautiful weather! The mountains are simply incredible. They are massive and it's wonderful to see such granduer with no cars around. When I woke yesterday morning we were going past chunks of blue blue gem looking ice in the water. I saw a glacier for the first time.

my computer time is running out.

Love my job though I'm overwhelmed with information right now.I feel very blessed.

Juneau

2010-08-14T23:41:00.003-04:00

Today I left my one day adventure in Seattle for an early morning flight to Juneau, Alaska. I grew up hearing about Alaska because it's my Mom's dream to go. And I understand why. It is truly beautiful here and I look forward to when Mom can see it for herself! It's been a long, good, full day. Sometimes in my travels backwards weather follows me. When I visited Florida last they had the coldest day in 100 years. After not living in Harpers Ferry for five years when I return this past year we have a really cold, really long, really really snowy winter followed by the hottest WV summer I've seen in a long time. This time it worked out very nicely. Yesterday rainy Seattle was bright and sunny and actually kind of hot. And today in Alaska? Same! A bright, clear, sunny, gorgeous, day.

I got to go hiking today! My legs hurt, I'm so tired, and I'm loving this adventure so far. At the end of my hike there was a nature center and I saw a bald eagle up close. He was incredible and truly took my breath away. I'm not sure why he's in captivity but he does have one blind eye so maybe that has something to do with it. I also saw an eagle's nest through a telescope. And I ate wild blueberries.

Other people at the hotel are waiting for the computer so that's all for now. Thanks for reading!

:Holy is the Lord God Almighty. The earth is filled with His glory.:

Seattle

2010-08-13T22:25:00.000-04:00

I'm in Seattle! Good grief I've wanted to see this city for a very long time and it is so cool. I'm only here for this day but I honestly didn't expect to see anything but the Lindblad office (which has a jimongous National Geographic world map on the wall and I also saw a picture of a whale) but I got to spend the afternoon walking around Pike Place Market. Ohmigoodness. Fresh flowers, fish throwing, rose jelly, European chocolate, New York pickles, RAW MILK!, so fantastic. I ate dinner near the water by the aquarium.

I've been up since 5:08 am Eastern time. Mom, Luke and Sam took me to the airport & I enjoyed the car ride over with them. I was praying I'd meet some nice strong guy at the airport because my bags are HEAVY to lug around, but alas no guy. :)

Anyhoo, I am super tired but I wanted to take a few computer minutes since I have the chance! I'm excited about this job and tomorrow I leave for Alaska! I can hardly believe it.

Oh! Oh! and I hailed a cab myself for the first time. :) It's the little things.

Brothers

2010-08-06T16:55:00.004-04:00

Today my brother Sam and I went out for milkshakes at Chik-Fil-A. He wanted to have some just us time and I'm glad for that. I got a chocolate milkshake with a little coffee in it and Sam went for peach. When we got to the drive-thru he dared me to order in an Australian accent so I did. Then we were accosted by the cow. I'm pretty sure the Chik-Fil-A cow doesn't usually come to the cars in the drive thru but sometimes things are different when the bovine is also your brother. Your other brother.

It's been good to spend time with my brothers while I've been home. They're getting so grown up. Sam doesn't look like a little kid anymore, Luke is dating someone (she's a cutie too! ;) ), and Dev is hoping/working to head to California at the end of the month. Luke, Sam and I play cards sometimes and laugh and laugh. Mostly at each other. I'm lucky enough to get to teach at a children's theatre camp with Dev this week and next. It's been a lot of fun and I've really enjoyed it. He's good with the kids and we both enjoy brushing up on our own theatre know-how.

Yup. Glad for brothers.

LEX

2010-07-31T17:38:00.002-04:00

Hullo again!

As some of you may already know I am now back at home after MWF (a wonderful 6 weeks of hard work and good fellowship) and am in a two week countdown for my new job for which I am, let's just say, stoked! I am going to be working as a steward for Lindblad Expeditions. Though I've been telling people that I'm going to be working on a cruise ship, it isn't quite accurate so I thought I'd tell a bit about the differences.
Lindblad is partnered with National Geopgraphic and they are better described as eco-tourism than luxury cruises. LEX ships are smaller and their trips are focused on exploring the natural world. LEX ships stop several times within an excursion to explore an area through hiking, snorkeling, kayaking and such. They travel with a team of Naturalists, Historians, Geologists and Scientists who interact with guests whether through a lecture or discussion or at a meal. There are Zodiacs, kayaks and underwater cameras on board and the schedule is flexible so that if something extraordinary happens they don't have to rush off to the next destination and miss it.
What will I be doing? Working my butt off! :) Seriously though- I'll be working 12 hour days 7-10 days at a time as a Steward which is in the hospitality branch and means I'll be prepping the dining room, serving food, cleaning rooms, turning down beds, that kind of thing.
And so, in short, that is what I'm looking forward to next. It's a six month contract so I'll be gone from August to February. I will have limited computer access but will be able to receive letters (no packages though. Just flat mail.) We begin in Alaska, and I'll work for a few weeks with my AmeriCorps teammate Jordan! In the fall I believe we'll be on the Snake River in Oregon and for winter we'll go to California and Mexico.
I'm so excited for this adventure & would very much appreciate your prayers! The next two weeks I'll try to update a bit over here in blog-dom before I unplug for a while. Thanks for reading!

~Here is a video about the work that I'll be doing ~

THIS is the day...

2010-06-15T11:53:00.002-04:00

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

It is so good to be at the Doric in Winona Lake and visiting with the girls here. Last night Joy and I stayed up late in her room just talking. We ranged from doctrine and theology to gin and tonic. A good portion of our conversation, and several of the wonderful girl conversations I've had here, had to do with what we want to do with our lives, what we struggle with, a desire for sharing life with a specific someone, not wanting to be alone, frustrations that come with all of this.

I've been thinking lately about not wanting to be alone. Yet last night after talks of guys, and marriage, and kids, and careers, my gin/tonic/cran juice was wearing off and I wasn't sleepy anymore, though it was late so Joy pulled out this children's book of kooky lullabies and sang to me.

"Go to sleep, my zoodle,
my flibbety-fitsy foo.
Go to sleep, sweet noodle.
It's time to say, "Ah-choo.

The chickens in the bathtub,
the closet full of sheep,
the sneakers in the freezer
are all drifting off to sleep..."

As Joy sang this delightful nonsense from her bed to mine I was full of the happiness of THAT moment in time, not just that minute, or this day, but this season. This 'now'. I remembered that one day we probably will be wives and mothers and life will be very different. We may keep in touch but there probably won't be across the country sleepovers, drop everything travels, the same kind of questions and possibilities for what's next. This time will be missed and so should not be missed out on the first time around.

That isn't to say that the next season won't be beautiful, because I believe it will be, in a different way. It isn't to say that this season is full of all freedom and the hoped for future all constraint and burden. Each is beautiful in it's own time (Eccl 3:11) and each has different costs, responsibilities and delights. I believe it's okay to have desires for the next season, to look forward to it and I even think that talking about and desiring those things is part of the season now. As long as the desire for what's ahead doesn't steal from what's present.

"Life is the messy bits" says Vanessa Redgrave's character in 'Letters to Juliet'

THIS is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Hallelujah for the Psalms!

2010-06-02T12:23:00.004-04:00

Thank the Lord for the Psalms! Today I started on 'The Search for Significance' workbook in my quiet times. 'The Search for Significance' is a great book that helps you identify the lies we so often believe about ourselves and learn to replace them with the truth of God's Word. It's awesome and has helped me a great deal in renewing my mind and beginning to know my worth is founded in Christ not my performance or others approval. I'm looking forward to going deeper into the teachings and this morning part of beginning the workbook was to reread the first chapter which is about honesty with ourselves and God.

The author of the book, Robert S. McGee shared how he used to get caught in the belief that as Christians we 'should exude an attitude of happiness and contentment in all things'. This meant he brushed away hurtful situations that 'didn't matter' and wasn't honest about them. Really they did matter, even if they were small. Small things left unchecked can often become big things. A friend helped him start becoming more honest with himself and God. "Realizing I was hurt because my idea was rejected has enabled me to be honest with the Lord about my feelings and begin working through them."

What I love most about this chapter though, and what I wanted to share here, was what Mr. McGee shares about the Psalms.

"...the Scriptures tell us that God does not want us to be superficial- in our relationship with Him, with others, or in our own lives. David wrote, 'Surely You desire truth in the inner parts; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.' Psalm 51:6
The Lord desires truth and honesty at the deepest level, and wants us to experience His love, forgiveness and power in all areas of our lives.

The Psalms give us tremendous insight about what it means to be honest with the Lord. David and other psalmists wrote and spoke honestly about the full range of their responses to situations. For example, David expressed his anger with the Lord because he felt abandoned by Him:

I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?
Ps 42:9-10

At times David was very angry with others, and expressed that anger to the Lord in terms that reveal the depth of his feelings:

Break the teeth in their mouths, O God; tear out, O Lord, the fangs of the lions!
Let them vanish like water that flows away; when they draw the bow, let their arrows be blunted
Like a slug melting away as it moves along, like a stillborn child, may they not see the sun.
Before your pots can feel the heat of thorns-whether they be green or dry- the wicked will be swept away.
Ps 58:6-9

David wrote of his despair about difficult situations:

My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.
Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.
Ps 55:4-5

And he communicated his despair to the Lord:

Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?
We are brought down to the dust; our bodies cling to the ground.
Ps44:24-25

Sometimes he was confused:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Ps 13:1-2

Sometimes, David communicated his love for the Lord:

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
Ps 42:1-2

At times David trusted in the Lord:

The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.
Ps 27:1-3

At other times, he was filled with praise for God:

I will exalt You, my God the King; I will praise Your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise You and extol Your name for ever and ever.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.
Ps 145:1-3

These passages demonstrate that God, who spoke of David as a man after His own heart, wants us to be open and honest with Him about all of our emotions, not just the pleasant ones.
Experiencing (God's) love does not mean that all of our thoughts, emotions, and behvaiours will be pleasant and pure. It means that we can be real, feeling pain and joy, love and anger, confidence and confusion."

So today I'm thankful for such a range of emotions, thoughts, humanness shown in the Psalms and reminding me that it is not just okay, but desirable to be honest with my heavenly Father.
I hope that this is a blessing to you as well. May your day be filled with His love and grace and may you be honest with our great God who already knows where you're at.

2010-05-20T20:03:00.004-04:00

I got to see two dear friends this week and it was delightful. On Monday I found myself wondering at work if my friend Corey was in town after her graduation and if so how I would like to see her. That night I get home and my cell phone give that happy 'somebody loves me!' text ding. It was Corey saying she was in town until Sunday and could we get together! So we met at one of my favourite cafes in Harpers Ferry for lunch the next day. She drove an hour and a half to see me. :) We hugged tight- Corey gives wonderful hugs- and the cafe lady thought we were oh so cute because we were so glad to see each other. We talked about life and how much it had changed in just the two months since I'd last seen her. We talked about theatre, our passion for it and vision for the future. About Belhaven friends and how quickly four years have passed. It was so good.

Then yesterday another sister, Annaka, came to town. She was coming from Ohio for a wedding in Maryland and came a little further to see me and her 48th state. I lived with Annaka in Indiana last year. We also caught up and my Mom invited her to stay the night before having to head to Maryland so she met my family and stayed at the Burrow. It feels so cozy there lately and looks all rainforesty in the backyard with the summer green coming on the trees. It was good to show her my home, take her to Harpers Ferry, have a girls night where we stayed up til 1:30 catching up and reminiscing.

These women, along with so many other dear friends and family, not only remind me of beautiful memories and good, growing times, but of who I am and what I love to do. We can reminisce about the old, shake our heads at how fast time goes (my brother who is supposed to be 5 turned 15 today!) but it doesn't stop there. We can also listen to what's happened since, and encourage in what's ahead. I'm so grateful for that.

Ducks and Cranes

2010-04-28T15:26:00.003-04:00

Well. Here we are again. My paper cranes aren't moving after all. I'm back at 'what's next?' with the temptation to dive in and figure it out though I still need time to re-evaluate. I feel redundant. But that seems slightly silly because it's been a happening four months. The happening didn't go the way I'd planned, but it doesn't mean it wasn't an adventure or a learning/growing experience. It doesn't mean it wasn't a good experience either. Because it was.

But I do feel redundant. I'm back again to the same questions of 'what' & 'where'. Not to mention 'how'. Right now 'what' is a nap, 'where' is Sam's top bunk, and 'how' is getting off of this smallish update and lying down. :smile: And I suppose one moment at a time is a good way to take it. I just don't do well that way. I like many moments all lined up. But ducks don't like to stay in a row all the time. So happy napping for now. :)

"Let me 'splain. No there is too much. Let me sum up."*

2010-03-27T14:56:00.005-04:00

Hullo again! I haven't been here in a while and much has happened this new year. Yesterday I was in the kitchen with Mom and Luke (ummmm, not my little brother) and I said
"I really need to blog soon. I haven't updated at all on anything that's been happening."
To which my Mom replied,
"We know."
Apparently she doesn't know how to answer the question 'so what is Faith up to now?' because of it and so quite a bit of updating is in order as well as an introduction...

It seems my paper cranes and I have found our new place to land and this time it's halfway across the world. The above mentioned Luke, the one who isn't my brother but was brought to my family via other brother Devan, is a missionary to China. He teaches English to kindergarten and primary school children and began winning Devan over to the idea of doing the same. Dev brought him home for Thanksgiving where he began winning me over in more ways than one. After much prayer and seeking on both our parts we are pursuing relationship with one another and in May we are going, with paper cranes, to China.

Currently we're both in West Virginia enjoying the community here, preparing for China, learning about one another, and experiencing the whirlwind of this adventure that God has us on. Luke moved to the area from Lynchburg in February and is renting a room at a friend's house. At the time we didn't know that we were headed to China in the spring. He was willing to stay in the states for a couple of years, or longer, if I wanted/needed to pursue further training as an actress. In February we met with his boss who happened to be in the states for an holiday. He shared his vision with us and I saw that though I knew what passions God has laid on my heart I didn't have a particular "where" when it came to pursuing them. Luke did. Luke knows where his heart and ministry are and I knew I wanted to be near him as we move forward to see if God is calling us to marriage. So I chose China.

God is so good and He is faithful. As we step forward in this adventure we have already encountered so much. God has provided each of us (Devan is part of this adventure as well though he hasn't entirely determined if he's coming or not.) with jobs, and jobs that we enjoy! (The boys have a great story about that actually. Come by Jumpin Java and I'll tell you about it while I make your mocha.) We have met with challenges that are shaping, revealing, sharpening, and growing us. We continually see prayers being answered and wait in expectation for others to unfold. It is exciting and it has been a whirlwind. I laugh to think of how I always thought that being in God's timing meant a lot of waiting. Which it often does, but I never realized until now that sometimes it means things happen very quickly as well.

So as you can see there is much to cover. This is a sum-up and as we prepare for the trip I will be intentional in updating. Later this week I'll give you more of an introduction to Luke and I'll soon tell you more about what we'll be doing and such. I'll also be setting up an e-mail update for those who are specifically interested in supporting our ministry in prayer so please let me know if that's something you'd like to be a part of.

I hope that wherever you are reading this that you are having a beautiful Sunday, a beautiful week leading to Easter, a beautiful year full of His grace, mercy and love. Thank you for reading! More to come.

*Inigo Montoya ~ The Princess Bride

' The Timing My Dear'*

2009-12-07T19:22:00.006-05:00

"Ten years ago I responded to letters within a couple of weeks and kept my correspondents happy. Five years ago I faxed a response in a couple of days and they seemed content. Now they want email responses the same day and berate me for not using instant messaging or a mobile phone." - Phillip Yancey, 'Prayer'

I used to be really good about letter writing. When I was in AmeriCorps* five years ago that was how I mostly kept in touch with people. I had an e-mail account but I was adamant about handwritten letters. I remember having an argument with a fellow Corps member about the importance of handwritten letters. My 'conclusive evidence' involved bringing down a shoebox full of correspondence from loved ones at home. I have letters from most phases of my life and it's a happy thing. The last couple of years though, that habit has really dwindled and sputtered.

I've been staring at this screen for too long today. I come to it as if it's a Magic Eight Ball or something. As if I stare long enough it will unlock the key to what my future holds. While I concede that it is a helpful tool, it doesn't work the way this behavior would make it seem.

Yesterday I visited a church nearby. I truly miss my church in Indiana. Rachel Hendricks handed me a bulletin and when I looked at the sermon title it brought a smile to my face. 'Wet Feet Faith'. For anyone unaware, my nickname is 'Feet' so the double sight of my name felt like a 'pay attention. I love you' from my heavenly Father. The sermon was about stepping out in faith to do the seemingly impossible that we're called to.

For myself I wonder lately if that's an intensive Acting school. One of the things that stuck out to me most was how stepping out in faith towards God's call is stepping and doesn't mean you are going to get there tomorrow. Actually I guess there isn't really a 'there' anyway. It's a journey and the call isn't the end. That to say, when I wonder if God is calling me to formal training as an actress I often feel like it has to happen TOMORROW and I get discouraged. It's hard to remember one step at a time.

The pastor was specifically referring to the recent acquisition of a building for their church. They've been meeting as a church for eight years and began the process of looking for a building maybe three years ago. It's been 369 days since they started the offers on their new building which they just closed on. The first step takes an initial decision of this moment in time but there are many steps after that. And God is faithful in each of them. Often they don't lead where we expect or the destination looks much different than we'd thought. But God is faithful. We think in destinations but the destination isn't the point.

The church went through a vocal summary of what has been included in their history as a church family following each paragraph by saying 'He has been faithful' as a congregation. Like a Psalm. I liked that. Rocks of remembrance. I'd like to do that with my own journey. Because He has been. And He is. And I look forward to seeing how He will be.

I could really use your prayers for direction in this waiting time. I'm at the Burrow right now enjoying some time with my family and trying not to go batty not knowing what's next. On Saturday I leave for one of my dearest friends weddings. She's a good letter writer. :smile: That's how we first met actually. She's like my little sister and I'm glad I'll get to spend time with her before her big day. Then it's back home for Christmas. My brother Dev may be making a big move in February (prayers there too please) and so I'm thinking I'd like to be around here for the next couple of months. That's what I've got for now. :smile: I'm praying for clarity in direction, for where to be, for if I should pursue Acting school and if so how and where. Mostly I'm praying for Where. Thanks for reading. Please let me know how I can pray for you too.
I'd say Happy Christmas but hopefully it won't be that long between blogs this time. ;)

*blog title stolen from an Devan/Greg original

Wynken, Binker and Nod

2009-11-17T10:55:00.005-05:00

I woke up this morning (tues) to see the stars. Did you? Last night I discovered that there was going to be a meteor shower so I set my alarm for 2 am to catch some of it. I was very tired though and my alarm didn't wake me up, a dream did. It was very cold and I was glad for the down comfortor that Nancy laid on my bed yesterday. I bundled up in stockings and things and wrapped the down around me. The night sky here, meteors or no, is incredible. There is little light pollution so the celestial visibility is quite clear. I saw a few. One, round and luminous, took its time on its journey. Others were quick and small, causing you to be surprised you'd even seen it. It really is like a dance up there.

~~~

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of His hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night the display knowledge.

There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.

Psalm 19:1-4

~~~

Last night I watched the night sky with the Brandon's. Whitlock and Holman or, as I call them, Binker and Nod. They came to see me and we remeinced about old times at Tiffany's, Belhaven, Jackson. When I woke up this morning my voice was hoarse from all the talking and laughing. It was good to laugh and laugh through past stories and present ones. I miss being with those people nearly every day but I enjoy seeing the pattern each of our lives take, seeing how we cross the sky. And I enjoy the eclectic reunions we find, new memories being made with whoever is closest, which changes as we shift our geography.

~ ~ ~

Symmetry

2009-11-13T19:42:00.008-05:00

"It's not weird. It's...symmetrical."

-Pushing Daisies

Today was milder at Falster Farm than it has been. The sun a little dimmer and the air cooler. This surprised me at first until Nancy and I remembered that it is November after all. Despite this there are three fully bloomed yellow irises in the garden out front and Nancy just pickled the last pick of baby cucumbers.

Life here has been full and busy thus the lack of updates. Karl is a retired United States Marine and this week we went to the Marines Birthday Ball. Nancy had a dress for me to wear and we all dressed up and had a good evening amidst the old Marines and their wives. I was even rescued by a young Marine. My table company dissipated homeward and dance floor bound, and he asked me to dance. Karl and Nancy danced more than any one and they looked fabulous.

We also took a trip to Tyler and I went to the Rose Garden while Nancy and Karl ran an errand. It was simply lovely. I didn't realize there were so many different kinds of roses and I felt quite like Alice wandering about Wonderland or Looking Glass World.
That morning I received a text from my dear friend Scott whom I haven't heard from in a long time. Busy school semesters. Unfortunately his text wasn't actually text and I wasn't sure I could open it. Scott and I used to take walks to smell the roses in Belhaven gardens. I missed him and those walks as I meandered among the roses in Scott's home state. When I texted to tell him so he wrote back ' That's what I sent you this morning! ' He'd sent a picture of a rose that very morning. I do love friendly serendipity.

Serendipity and symmetry. The last time I visited Falster Farm two years ago I told Bonnie and Kaelen that I had decided it was my last semester at Belhaven. That night at Bonnie asked Karl to get champagne and she toasted to my immediate future and our friendship. Arriving at the Farm last week I told Nancy about seeking out my next steps, short and long term. She poured us glasses of homemade chocolate orange wine and toasted my Farm visit. "May it be revealing."

Seeking mayn't look exactly as I thought it would but I am learning and growing and finding. A long walk today helped me see that. I'm learning through conversations with Nancy and Karl, watching life around me, helping with housework. My Mom taught us that some of the best learning goes initially unrealized. That's how this is. I'm learning without even realizing it. It's amazing what God can use to teach us. 'The earth is filled with His glory.'

This week I read that the word 'antibiotic' means 'against life'. Antibiotics have been overused in the medical industry and destroy more life in out bodies than the illness they are intended for. 'Kamazotz' was an antibiotic. Sterile sameness. Everything clean and together and to what purpose? Life is stifled.

Falster Farm is a 'probiotic' (with life). There is manure and dirt and mud and LIFE. The refrigerator looks like a science project because Nancy knows the benefits of fermented foods. The fermentation in the sauerkraut, kefir, yogurt, etc. is literally full of life that is good for your body. There is very little waste and the scraps that there are go to feed the chickens which provide more food. The kitchen doesn't stay tidy because it is in constant use providing, sustaining, nurturing life.

From dirt, manure and scraps come grass and milk and eggs.

And yellow irises.

Sunshine in Texas

2009-11-09T16:56:00.003-05:00

There's sunshine here! Smile.

I feel good already from healthy eating and I've been enjoying my time on the farm so far. Karl and Nancy are so kind to host me. Yesterday I met the cow that's named after me (I'll get pics up sometime)and helped move cows (they ran past Nancy and I! It was a little intimidating), and that was before church! We had a potluck at church and then came back and I got to talk with Kaelen on the phone out in the garden. After a Sunday nap I went riding with Nancy which I very much enjoyed even though Razz figured out that since I wasn't Karl he didn't neccesarily have to go when and where I told him. It was a beautiful day.

I'm getting in some good quiet time and prayer in addition to helping Nancy with some projects. I'll post some more later but thought I should at least give a little update.

Thanks for reading!

November Greys

2009-11-05T18:29:00.007-05:00

"So have you finished school?"

I hate this question.

"No," (deep breath to enable shortened spiel) "I took theatre classes at Belhaven College but I wasn't pursuing a degree. After that I did two internships and now...well I'm trying to figure out what's next."

"Ah." they say with arched eyebrows.

I'm twenty four years old and crashing with my parents. I'm tired of sponging and want to know what I'm doing next. I've really enjoyed the time with my family but I'm ready to be able to answer the question "What are you doing right now?" Of course I am an allegedly creative person so I could come up with some much more interesting answers than the regular ( and I do mean spouted often ) response. Of course when I was in Tennessee and told Mom's family that I was pursuing acting and was currently 'in transition' the room would get very quiet and then someone would change the subject. Plus I don't wear make-up and I like to eat. I believe that I am an anomaly to them.

I not only want to know what's 'next' but what it is I'm working towards. It was encouraging this weekend to hear Cate Blanchett say that when she went to acting school she had a sort of vague idea of what she was wanted but wasn't particularly working towards being a film star. And when asked why she and her husband decided to run a theatre in Australia she didn't seem to know quite how that had come about either. By that I don't mean she sounded like a ditz, not in the least. Cate Blanchett is most certainly not a ditz. She simply gave the impression that it wasn't so much a determined goal as a natural progression. That's hopeful for me.

The last few days have been a little difficult for me. Internally I mean. Head and heart. I had the amazing privilege of going to DC and seeing Cate Blanchett both perform and speak. Usually when I see exquisite work, or hear someone in my hoped for field talk about their work, I get fired up and inspired about acting. The show was incredible but that expected feeling of wanting to jump on a stage asap wasn't as strong as I thought it would be. Now granted, I have had other things on my mind and have been in sort of a melancholy crankiness the past few days so that may contribute to the dampening of sparks.

Parts of the conflict and confusion that make a big dark November cloud for melancholy to dwell?
A stronger desire for roots, a place to 'unpack', to at least be based...and not knowing where that is.
An uncertainty of where and how far to pursue acting. What do I want? How does God want me to use it?
The desire to start a family and wondering where acting fits in with that. A strange feeling that maybe that desire is becoming larger, but knowing that it wouldn't be right for me to completely give it up.
A need for a church home, Christian fellowship and accountability, spiritual food.
Not wanting to be terribly far from home and family. (Though don't think I've given up my traveling days. I just would like to do it from a home base.)

Yesterday I woke up and I felt like I didn't even know how to pray. It was truly frustrating and yesterday was the peak of crankiness. God is good and He is faithful and I had some sunshine encounters with good friends throughout my grey day. Thank You Lord for how You work in my life.

Tomorrow I leave for Falster Farm in Winnsboro, Texas for two weeks. I've spent an Easter and a Thanksgiving at Falster Farm with my dear friend Bonnie and some of our friends. The farm belongs to Bonnie's mom and stepdad. We got to work hard, eat healthy and enjoy good fellowship. I've wanted to go back and work on the farm for a long time and never have the opportunity. And now I do. So I'm going to spend some time there and I'm going to pray, and think and work and pray. I hope to learn some more about preparing healthy food from Mrs. Falster. I hope to be helpful to the Falsters while I'm there and do some wholesome farm work. I hope to milk goats! And meet the cow that shares my name. And I hope to clear my head a little and come back with a better idea of 'what's next'. I would appreciate your prayers too and if you have anything that you would like me to pray for then please don't hesitate to let me know. I'm taking a facebook break but I intend to be on here, e-mail and cell phone. I love a good snail mail note too.

Alright, time to finish packing up! Thanks for reading. Have a lovely night.

Richly Blessed

2009-10-25T18:09:00.002-04:00

Today I took a walk on the C&O with Mom, Julie and Kaitlyn. My shoes were still wet from our five hour hike on the AT yesterday so I decided to take my ruby reds JIC and barefoot it like the old days. The days when the Gypsy's reigned. :smile: Lukas asked me last night whatever happened to the Gypsy's. 'We grew up I guess.' I answered, but I wasn't satisfied with that reply. Most of us are still Neverlanders so 'growing up' doesn't seem to say it right. I mean we moved from home, went to school, got married, had babies. "Not all of us." I clarified, warding off his smart comments about being married. 'I was going to say.' Lukas commented.

I used to go barefoot everywhere and then I got suddenly germ conscious after learning at an Arbonne presentation that whatever hits your skin can be absorbed into your bloodstream. But lately I've been re inspired to go it barefoot. According to Kaitlyn, who is one very smart cookie which makes her a knockout because she's got the brains and the beauty, going barefoot is better for your whole body. There's a whole barefoot society. If you go barefoot enough you build up callouses that protect your feet too. My friend MJ runs track and she actually started the inspiration to go shoeless again. (I never thought I would have to be re inspired to do that!) According to MJ the fastest runners in the world are from...shoot, I don't actually remember. I think Nigeria, though I'm not certain. Wherever they're from they run barefoot. So MJ does too. She trained that way and then asked her coach if she could compete barefoot. After her coach asked the judges there was a long debate but it turns out there are no actual rules against it and so MJ competes barefoot. You go girl.

And so today my barefeet took me from Maryland to West Virginia along the Potomac river with my Mama and two good friends. The pebbles were a rough way to toughen them up again but random spots of mud, soft ground and leaves were a welcome relief.

I'm so grateful to be back at home for the fall. I grew up in a truly beautiful place and I appreciate it even more now that I recognize that not everywhere is like this. This fall has been nice and long too, the leaves taking their time to change color, and retaining their flame orangeredsyellows late into October. Mom's been hiking nearly everyday and so now that I'm crashing at the Burrow I've gotten to be outside with her, my brothers, the Forsythes actually seeing and experiencing the beauty of the fall on a daily basis. It's good to spend time with family and friends in my home place.

'The Lord is good to me and so I thank the Lord for giving me the things I need the sun, and the rain and the appleseed the Lord is good to me.'

AmeriCorps*NCCC

2009-10-23T23:47:00.006-04:00

I've been thinking a lot the past couple of days about story in regard to living out your life. This has been inspired but Don Miller's new book and by hearing him speak on the subject this week. I love story and so reading his ideas on applying the elements of story to how you live your life was very appealing to me. And finishing up the book this evening I'm reminded of a story I got to be a part of five years ago.

Tonight, in Boston, four of my team mates from AmeriCorps*NCCC are gathering together for our fifth year reunion. Don talks in his book about how conflict and memorable scenes are necessary to a great story. The AmeriPlayers most certainly had both. Our scenes took place all across the country, from Denver to DC, planting gardens, corralling children, deconstructing houses, moving 3 tons of rock 3 times (that is not an exaggeration, trying not to go postal in cubicles doing inane work during hurricane season, performing in a variety of locations, swimming in our underwear, oh my goodness the list could go on. And we certainly had our conflict, without which I can attest to what Mr Miller says in his book, we would not have grown as close as we did, would not have had a great story. And now we talk about those conflicts at our reunions as if they're unattached to us.

I miss them today and I'm sad I'm not there. But I'm grateful that we've kept in touch, grateful for the times we've had, glad that I got to see some of them last weekend. We met up in DC to see Mel's (our teamleader)draft performance of her new play. Whenever we meet up again we slip into our rhythm right away, as though however much time hasn't passed. We've integrated new parts into our lives, of course, but Jeanna is Jeanna and asks Jeanna questions in a Jeanna way and so it goes with each of us. I love it. After the play and the party we went to Baltimore and stayed up until 5 in the morning talking about life now and life then and other peoples lives and life in between. I never stay up that late but I truly enjoyed it. I'm glad to be part of that story.

And so those of you in Boston, I hope you have a beautiful time this weekend. And I hope that next year we can all make it. I love you each,
Your Feet

New Route

2009-10-07T19:41:00.004-04:00

Well the weekend in Charlottesville was wonderful and I had a lovely time visiting with my good friend Bonnie. The audition was a lot of fun and I think that it went well. I'll know about what happens next by Thanksgiving.

As for DC, I decided on Tuesday to go with the Realtor's original decision and not move to the city. I'm more than okay with this and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. It does put me back in that category of not knowing what next steps are but as Jennifer Jackson so encouragingly put it, "God knows." She's the lady I knew at the house in DC and I am so grateful for her kindness and understanding.

Thank you so much for your prayers and care. If you think of it please pray that the girls will find a roommate soon and also that new doors will open up for me. I do plan to still move from South Riding and hope to crash at home for a bit while pursuing new possibilities. (I've yet to ask my Mom about this so, uh, I hope that's okay. * ;) )

This update is a little artless but I wanted to at least let people know what was going on. Thanks again!

* I did check with Mom before posting. ;) Thanks Mom!

Next Steps Road Block. Detour or New Destination?

2009-10-02T11:24:00.006-04:00

Hello All~
In an effort to not push numerous notes and messages of updates on unsuspecting readers I'm going to attempt to keep things up here so that whoever wishes to come see can and the rest won't have an inundation of 'Faith news'. It's changing rapidly lately so the notes keep coming.

Most of you know that I've been in the process of preparing to move to DC mid-October. The ladies of the rowhouse invited me to take their soon to be married rommies place and I've been quite excited about it. This morning I received an e-mail from the real estate office saying that my application could not go further because I didn't have sufficient income.

I'm working as a waitress at a newly opened restaurant so we're gaining business as we go and weekdays are slow. However due to the help of my Aunt Donna and Uncle Dave letting me stay with them (they feed me too!) I haven't had very many expenses and have been able to save. And the plan was to get a waitressing job at a high traffic (seems they all are) restaurant in DC once I moved.

I'm not ready to simply throw in the towel and intend to ask them if there's anything else I can do. However if this is a closed door, I'm willing to accept that too and God's timing has been so good in this whole process (who am I kidding, it always is. But this time it seems visible in the short term not just looking back) that I know whatever happens is for a reason. He is so good and He always provides for me.

So I could use prayers that the right doors will be open and others firmly shut. I think it's time for a new step whether or not this is it. And prayers that whatever the outcome is the girls will find a room mate soon.

It's interesting that I found out today. Originally tomorrow was the move-in date but it was extended to mid-Oct which was good at the time and even better now. There have been blessings in the date change, one being that after it did I found out that I've been invited to auditions at the American Shakespeare Center tomorrow. I get to visit dear friends from Jackson for the weekend and audition for a company that I really want to work for. God is so good! And He is faithful. I'm excited to see where things lead though it may not look like I thought it would.

Thanks for reading! have a lovely fall day and I'll try to be back soon.
Faith

Cephus and Wiggins

2009-09-06T20:53:00.003-04:00

I didn't have to go into work until 5:00 yesterday and it was lovely to have a full afternoon and still get to work a good shift. Before going in I thought "Lord, it would be nice to see a familiar face tonight, someone that I love." So having thought this my joy was double when I look across the restaurant to see my pretty Aunt Jen. I caught her up in a hug and had to keep from crying I was so happy. With her were my Uncle Danny, their friend Donnie and (talk about double joys)my handsome darling twin cousins, Chuck and Jacob or Cephus and Wiggins as we like to call them.

I hadn't seen them since Easter and they have grown so much! I'm certain that I broke some codes of professional conduct and was definitly distracted but no one complained, including my boss who was out on the floor and saw me covering their big heads and beautiful faces in kisses. Such good babies! I thought they were asleep in their double stroller when they came in but no, they were just calmly sitting and looking around. They didn't cry or verbally fuss at all, and they were so happy.
I'm in love.

Take Me Home Down Country Roads...

2009-09-04T23:36:00.004-04:00

It's September and the nights are getting cooler. I love that. Last weekend I got to go visit my family. The Burrow on the mountain, by the river and in the woods was a welcome relief from Kamazotz, land of sameness. Don't get your mental pictures skewed though, as I was trying to write a friend about the delights of sitting outside on a perfect cool morning my nerves were being shot everytime Sam came in slamming the door and clapping his hands. It isn't meant to perfect down here.

Being in a place where I can actually visit home is certainly nice. I'm grateful to my aunt and uncle for allowing me to use their house as a launching pad for whatever comes next. (Updates to come. I finally sent my headshot and resume to Blackfriar's!)I like my job at Vintage 51 and I like the people that I work with. They are kind to me and I'm able to get rides to and from work.

The guys in the kitchen like that I'm a 'West Virginia girl'. Kitchen Steve learned this becuase the day I went back I was surprisingly emotional, I suppose about the transition from trees to suburbia in its scariest form. I didn't know that the kitchen was full of guys from the mountains too and apparently he told them all I was a mountain girl. Cole started singing about the Shenandoah river and he and Steve talked about land they have up in the mountains. It's kind of comforting in the middle of this polished Pleasantville to have these guys who understand what I miss.

At the restaurant we serve a lot of local products. Our meat all comes from a farm in Purcellville where the animals are grass fed and pasture rotated. You can taste the difference and we make the best burger I've ever had. Our cheese fondue rocks too and so do our french fries, potato salad, and spicy mussels. Not neccesarily in that order. You should come see me and eat some of our food. We have good beer too. And as of today a cappucino machine.

And now my brain is blanking. For three days I'd been off of sugar again and I also wasn't watching tv. I could hear my thoughts again and my head was clearing, and energy was returning. But today began with the Fractured Prune and in that regard has been downhill sense. But that's okay. There's tomorrow.

Oh and all that about Sam slamming doors being said, he helped me make my bed that night in that caring way he has. I think I'll keep him.

Paper Cranes

2009-08-06T03:01:00.002-04:00

It's three in the morning. I hate being up this late. It means the next few days, maybe even the week, feels off. But insomnia is a catching thing it seems, here at the Burrow and in Transistional phases I usually have much on the brain in the way of potential plans so it can be difficult to shut them off.

Mom and I took Dev (I used to have psuedonyms on here, what were they anyway?) to his new apartment on Tuesday. We didn't expect to stay overnight but amidst a day of various adventures (which he already wrote about and I'll post because he covered it well.) that's what wound up happening and I was glad for it. As he arranged his room with his belongings he made a comment about it being nice to know where everything went after being in a transitional mindset for so many months. How nice it was to be settled. I said yes, that I wanted that too and he laughed at me. "No you don't." he said practically in a guffaw.

And I know what he means, and he's right. I don't neccesarily want to be in one single place for the rest of my life yet. I like to travel about and see people and check out new places. (However I am getting to a point where I'd like to know where to anchor at least. That doesn't mean I have to stay there consistently but it would be good to have a base.) But what I meant was I would like to know where to hang my cranes.

For my twenty first birthday I received one of my all time favorite gifts, a handmade mobile of paper cranes from my beautiful friend Erika. Everywhere I've been since then they've been wrapped up, carefully packed (which is difficult I must say), untangled and hung by or above my bed. They've been packed away in my luggage since the end of May. It's nice to visit my family here at the Burrow, but it isn't where I can hang my cranes. With Devan moved out the little boys get their own rooms now & I'm excited to see them hang their cranes, as it were, making up their own corners of the world and arranging for their space as they please.

And I look forward to seeing where my next corner is too.

I'd love to hear about your corner. What is your version of a paper crane mobile? What would you take into a new space that makes it 'home', makes it yours?

Splashes

2009-07-30T13:33:00.003-04:00

I wonder that it's so hard to get yourself back into writing a post after long absences. It isn't as though nothing has happened in my life. I think a good deal of it has to do with my own perfectionism. "Well if I can't write out everything I've done and learned this year in one eloquent go then why start at all?" But that's plain silly and if I wait til that happens well I'll near have forgotten the bits of this year. So here comes a plunge if for no other reason than to get back in the water again.

I'm 'in transition' again. I've been in this place so many times and, as is the case now, it usually involves crashing at The Burrow (home) and mooching off of my gracious parents until the next door presents itself. Or gets found through frantic searching. I've seen God's provision so many times that perhaps this go round is less anxious but still there's that concern that comes with uncertainty, the desire to control things, and the worry that I'm missing something or not taking a right step.

I've learned a lot about worry though.

In Bible study at MasterWorks we talked about how worry is one of the few socially acceptable sins. Once when I told a good friend that I hated how much I worry he said I didn't hate it or I wouldn't do it. He said I was addicted to it. I irked that he was probably right. Worry makes you feel like you're doing something but really it doesn't help anything and it indicates a lack of trust. At the same time in my life that my friend pointed this out my professor made a statement that also revoloutionized my thinking on this subject. It was the first time I saw that worry is indeed a sin and he said we're commanded not to do it. We don't have to worry. How lovely. How difficult.

I'm such a Martha. She gets caught up in being busy. When she complains to Jesus that her sister Mary isn't helping her with all that needs done He tells her that only one thing is needed and that Mary has chosen it and it won't be taken from her. Mary chose to be with Jesus. To sit at His feet and be present with Him. Luke 10:38-42

This morning I read in John where Jesus says "The work of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent." John 6:29

I'm really grateful for how gentle and loving Jesus is with Martha. She doesn't have it all right, she's fighting for control, but still He loves her and wants to teach her. God is teaching me too. He's teaching me about worry, about fear, about peace. I'm growing in these things. I'm not there yet but I can really see growth. And with God I don't think it's about being 'there'. For me, perfectionist, results driven me, I get in my head that it's about being 'there'. But with God I believe it's about relationship. He wants to take the time. He wants me to spend time with Him, wherever I'm at in my walk. With Him it's about process, and more than that, simply being with Him. I don't always get that, in fact most of the time I don't, but I'm really grateful for it. He is good. He loves me. He loves you too. And He fills me with hope.

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

2008-12-11T14:21:00.002-05:00

A child with no magic is a very sad thing. There is a little girl who sometimes haunts the office when her sister takes violin lessons with Gert. The little girl is blonde and talkative. She is six years old, matter of fact and unafraid to tell you The Way Things Are. She is little in the sense that she is small of build but 'little girl' seems an odd term because she Knows Things. She does not like to be called 'honey' because it makes her feel like a baby. She told me so. She was here on Tuesday and I was out of my cube so she caught me and, inquisitive one that she is, asked what I was doing.

“Getting the program ready for the concert on Sunday.”

She wanted to know what concert and who was performing and what they were performing and why. I told her that Mr. Kumi would be playing violin. I also told her she should come because it would be very good and there would be hot chocolate and cookies. She asked if me or any of my friends would be in it. I told her that I would be reading “Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus.”

“Santa Claus is dead you know. And he didn't have any reindeer.”

I stared at her a moment a little dumbfounded.
“St. Nicholas? He came to my house on Saturday.” I say.

She stares at me a moment.

My housmate Krisztina is Hungarian and December 6^th is St. Nicholas day in Hungarian culture. The children clean their shoes and put them outside of their doors and Santa comes to fill them with treats. On Saturday I put out my ruby red slippers, Krisztina and Julie their boots and Annaka her high heels. It was snowing in the morning and our shoes held oranges tied with ribbon, postcards from Hungary and chocolate. Krisztina's were filled with traditional American Christmas candies. A wedding in our house that afternoon made for more festivity and it was a lovely St. Nicholas day.

I tell the little girl about leaving our shoes out.

“Probably it was your Mom and Dad.” she explains to me.

“They don't live here.” I say.

“Then probably your friends did it.”

“ I don't know...” I say. “Here, I want to read you what I'm reading at the concert.” I feel suddenly that it is important for me to read the article to her. I want her to see the magic. I want her to understand.

We go to my office (euphemism for cubicle) and I get my printed copy of the famous letter to the editor from the December 1897 New York Sun. I begin to read it to her. She stops me at the first paragraph and asks if I will wear a wig. No I won't. At this point her Mom comes back and it is time for them to leave. I fold up the article and tell her to read it later.

I hope to myself that she will and feel very grateful for the childhood that I had and for my Mom who cultivated in my brothers and I a sense of wonder. You meet grownups all the time who haven't magic and that is sad enough, but to meet a child with no magic is tragic indeed. I hope she'll find it.

~ ~ ~

The same day I tried to read little girl about Santa Claus my new friend MJ came over to watch Charlie Brown Christmas with me. MJ is a writer and she loves stories. I met her at a bonfire where a group of people from the college here gathered to read old stories aloud.

MJ told me that when she was little she wasn't allowed to read the Narnia books or any fantasy. Her parents were afraid of her becoming obsessed with fantasy. One of her friends created her own worlds and people made fun of her. They didn't want her to become like that. She was made to feel that there was something wrong with imagination.

What's beautiful about MJ's story is that she found it on her own. She loves story now and she's able to love it without resenting her parents. She recently convinced them to let her read The Hobbit to her little sisters and so now she gets to share her love with them. I think that is wonderful and I was glad she told me.

~ ~ ~

The wedding on Saturday was truly beautiful. It was a small simple wedding. The ceremony was in the great room at our house. There were candles lit around the windows and out the window you could see snow falling gently on the lake, the ground covered in pretty white. Two swans swam by right on cue during the vows.

What was really beautiful though was witnessing the union of two individuals who are truly committed to Christ. Christi and Barry's vows struck me as so bold. “I promise to cherish you at all times, in all places, in all ways through the strength and faith of Christ Jesus our Lord.” They were beautiful in their boldness.

The girls and I have been talking lately about how bold David's prayers are in the Psalms. So often I pray within my concept of what I think God can do, or what I think is possible. I pray weakly. But David prays in boldness which I think may be a form of humility because he knows enough about God's character that he recognizes that God can say no. And he is walking closely with God so that his desires are being transformed by God and he can ask in confidence.

The wedding vows on Saturday were beautiful because of their impossibility by human standards. There will be moments when the two don't feel like cherishing one another. But the vow must be strong so that they can return to it. There wouldn't be the same beauty in saying “I will try my best to love you when I can.” Because the vow is strong they can return to it when there is failure. And they know that they can't do it except through living in the strength of God and His amazing grace.

Some other truths about marriage really sunk in with me during the service. How marriage is a call and a ministry. Two people becoming one to serve Christ together and bring Him glory. Realizing what it is supposed to be should change the way I look at things. I tend to look at marriage so selfishly, patting myself on the back that I've even gotten to the point where I can say “yes I think I'd like to get married.” I was reminded once again that it isn't about me. And that changes so much. What we think of as the core of marriage, companionship, physcial intimacy, etc., is actually as the bride said to me, a bonus. God's loving bonus to His children. Marriage itself is to glorify Him.

~ ~ ~

I had been realizing lately that I would like to get married one day and these things simply help me see what that really means. I think that I should like to marry one day and to have children. I want my children to have big minds.

As I thought that yesterday I thought of how people so often call Christians narrow minded. I think that sometimes this is because it's true in some cases and sometimes it is because as Christians we are to have narrow focus. I do pray that my children will have narrow focus. That their focus will be on Christ and God alone. Narrow mind is not the same as narrow focus though.

I want my children to have big minds because we do not serve a small God. Not even a big imagination can comprehend how deep and wide is the Father's Love for us so a narrow mind would seriously limit one's relationship with an incomprehensible God. I believe that it is in art, poetry, music, theatre that we can express the indescribable.

“Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.”

~ ~ ~

Yesterday little girl came to my office and played with my kaleidescope and told me she thinks maybe the world will explode and we'll all float in space so maybe I was too harsh on her. I think there's hope.

Happy Christmas and may it be filled with wonder and love and relationship with our great God and the people He has placed in our lives.

Grrrr.

2008-11-28T23:25:00.001-05:00

How is it that I can have a list going during the day, the week, of things I need to look up on the net and then it all leaves my head once I'm on the thing? grrrrr.

All Access

2008-11-17T15:39:00.002-05:00

Today I had the wonderful blessing of getting to see some of the people from my time with YWAM. I did not have to take the Behemoth because my lovely house mate Julie already was interested in going and so was easily won over with the offer of gas money and coffee. She, Krisztina and I set out early and it was snowing. It looked so lovely and the excitement of seeing old friends mixed with the magic of falling snow made for the start of a feel good morning.

When we got to the school we were looking for the auditorium and I saw a backstage with familiar tour boxes. An actor I didn't know in a costume that I did came out. I asked if she was with All Access and if she could tell me where Kelsey was. She found the entrance to the auditorium and instructed me that Kelsey was the red-head. "I know", I said and ran inside to hug John-O and Kelsey and hear "SHUT-UP!" from the stage because Kelsey hadn't told them I was coming and Heather made her typical exclamations. Hugs from Holly and David, hugs and more "Shut-Up!" from HP (one of the happiest people you will ever meet.), greeting in an Irish accent from Johnny "McFlynn" holding his and Kelsey's new baby Lola (the furry, four legged kind). Holly and David caught up with me a bit before the show started and it was lovely how not weird it was to see them all. We've always noted that at Ameri-Corps reunions, how we just fall back into step. I am so glad that was how this morning was too.

The show was good, Holly was an adorable "New Girl". The girls liked it and the kids had a really good response. This group does really good work and I'm so glad that I got to be a part of it. I'm excited that they still do it and that I got to see them today. Dan's message about making a choice every time we open our mouths to speak words of life or words of death to people never gets old and I've heard it a hundred times.

The show is with Youth With A Mission, Metro NY, All Access. They tour the play No More Victims to schools across the nation. It's a show about valuing each other, about not bullying, about being responsible for the words we speak to one another and how words effect us. All Access takes this production into public high schools and they're sharing the truth of the gospel with these kids. It's really incredible. You can find out more at www.allaccessny.org or www.ywam-ny.com

Please pray for them as they continue to tour these next couple of weeks.

Baby it's Cold Outside

2008-11-15T14:39:00.002-05:00

Baby, it's cold outside. Really cold. And they're calling for snow. Part of me thinks that's lovely and the other part that wants to go see some of her YWAMily on Monday because they'll only be half hour away is not thrilled about it. If it's going to happen I suppose I should stick with the lovely part and try to get someone brave in the snow to take me so I don't have to drive the behemoth.

Speaking of, my first drive on my own took place a few weeks ago in the ministry's behemoth. Behemoth is a red 15 passenger van. Driving a 15-P has been destined for me I think. I didn't drive our 15-P in Americorps, nor at New Stage, but now, now I do.

So the driving of the behemoth is one of many new things happening in my life of late. I've been off of all sugars but whole fruit for three weeks now (inspired by my Momma Henry and Mary) and I feel fantastic. My thinking is much clearer and often I'm just so happy. This past week I was able to focus so much more at work and I felt like I got a lot done.

Work focus isn't just from the way I'm eating. Intern training has been really inspiring too and is helping me become more focused not just at the office (I work in an office?!?) but in my work as an actress as well. I feel like I'm growing in all areas of my life and it is so good. I've found a church I like and am part of a good small group there. It's so good to be encouraged to spend more time with God and delve into His word. My week feels different when I skip and I look forward to the next time.

Last night we had live Jazz and a reading of three O. Henry stories in the coffee shop where I write this entry. It went well and we had more people then chairs and had to bring some in from outside. It's a small shop for some perspective. And about half of our audience were CPAF staff. Still it was a good turn out and it was exciting to have it go well. This was my first effort as Community Relations Manager to begin some smaller performances. I think we'll do something like it again in a couple of months.

Time is flying and we can barely believe it's the weekend again. No complaints there though. Thanksgiving will be here before we know what happened and then it'll be almost time to come home for Christmas. Until then, it looks like we're going to have some snow here tonight. Enjoy your weekend all.

Rejoice in the Lord Always

2008-11-08T11:16:00.003-05:00

"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!"
- Phillipians 4:4

God is so good. Twice in one day this week the need to rejoice in Him always, in good and bad, when we feel like it and don't, was brought to my attention. At that time it was easy, but I recognize that the problems will come, and in fact, some have since then. I pray that I will always and ever have on my lips and in my heart that God is good.

He is good.
He is merciful Father, mighty to save, wonderful Maker, magnificent God, Holy, holy, holy, almighty Saviour, King of Kings, worthy to be praised. He hears His children. We may not feel like it because we often think that 'answered prayer' means prayer answered how we would want. His ways are not our ways. God is so good.

Love my Job

2008-10-23T15:15:00.002-04:00

Every other Thursday morning we have intern training here at the CPAF offices. Today I was inspired as Patrick talked to us about goals and biblical goal setting. Annaka and I talked about what we learned over lunch and discussed what our long term goals look like, and what we feel God has put on our hearts.
It's been exciting the past few years to see God focus my goal more and more. Discovering through the book "Addicted to Mediocrity" that He designed me to be an actor and that it was not only okay to follow that passion, but that it was a calling, was a very exciting moment. That was when I was in AmeriCorps four years ago. Since then pursuing acting in ways that will bring God glory has been the focus. God has provided for me again and again and taken me from New York to home to Mississippi to Indiana.
I'm starting to settle in more to my year here at CPAF. We were in church on Sunday and the Sunday School leader asked what our passions were. Realizing that my own personal calls were almost exactly the mission statement of the organization where I work was an awesome realization. I'm gaining valuable on the job skills in arts administration (arts admin. not my goal, but lets face it, it's useful wherever you are in the arts), working with a truly wonderful group of people, connecting with a ministry that will support me in prayer and study resources when I'm in the field, and growing spiritually.
I'm excited to see what happens through this year and I'll try to keep better updated on this blog.

A Very Rich Woman

2008-10-17T09:30:00.007-04:00

Binker-what I call him-is a secret of my own,
And Binker is the reason why I never feel alone.
Playing in the nursery, sitting on the stair,
Whatever I am busy at, Binker will be there.

Oh, Daddy is clever, he's a clever sort of man,
And Mummy is the best since the world began,
And Nanny is Nanny, and I call her Nan-

But they can't See Binker. ...

-A.A. Milne

This morning I was out the door earlier than usual because I had a meeting at Grace College. I rode my bike through the campus, my ears cold in the fall air despite the kerchief tied about my head. A lone orange lays on the pavement and I wonder if this campus haunted by Invisible Cows of Doom like Belhaven is. That would explain the orange, though I don't see any left shoes.

Today is Binker and my third anniversary. It's an Easterish sort of anniversary in that it changes every year depending on when the Arts Discover day is scheduled, because that is when we met. I was visiting the campus for the first time and during one of the social whatnots he came and talked to me.
At the time I didn't realize that the conversation was unusual for him. My very introverted friend did not appear so to me then. Since that day however I've learned that he doesn't generally talk to people he doesn't know. Now granted we'd had a Batman connection the day before thanks to Amy who was hosting me then and is now a dear friend too. Still, his out of character action continues to puzzle both of us, though we are happy for it.
If I were at Belhaven today the two of us would find some time in our busy schedules to walk over to the spiral staircase inside the Bitsy Irby Arts building. I would sit on one of the large steps and he would stand behind the railing. We would laugh about the conversation that took place this way three years ago and wonder at the friendship that has come after it.

I got to see him this week, which I'm glad for and can still hardly believe. He, Scott, Nod, Rin and Meg came to see me for fall break. The first four drove 13 hours and Meg came down from Chicago. Have I told you that I'm a very rich woman? It was wonderful to be with such dear friends and I miss them greatly.
~ ~ ~ ~

I get to the building where my meeting is and hop off of my bike. As I sit in the office I see the desk calender and can hardly believe how far we are through October. Where does the time go? This time last week I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my friends and now they've gone. The first two paper square weekends represent two anticipated reunions, both over, both lovely, both which I'm grateful for.

Last night we had fellowship night and went to the Kavanaugh's for a play reading. Before delving into "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" we watched a CPAF promo video from 1988. As we chuckled over the dated content, the four founding members of CPAF talked about their old friends as they came on the screen.

"Where's Bill now?"
"Oh he's in Florida."
"Is he still in music?"
"I'm not sure. Oh there's Dan! He remarried five years ago."
"John's gone now isn't he?"
"Yes, he died last year."
"Janet's got three little ones."
"Whatever happened to..."

I listen to their reminisces and wonder about the younger generation present in the room. I wonder at our own conversations such as this in years to come. Where will life have taken us? How will we talk about one another? When I listen (my kids listen? Nephews and nieces?) to the recording of "Through the Looking Glass" will I know where each of those people are? Some of them? What will they be doing?
Reading the play last night (I got to play Guildenstern, oh what fun!) I read a description of Autumn sky which is exactly what I've been trying to say for the past three days. I've been calling the color change in the sky a "Thanksgiving sky". But this is so much better;

: Autumnal−nothing to do with leaves. It is to do with a certain brownness at the edges of the day...Brown is creeping up on us, take my word for it... Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth−reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light. At such times, perhaps, coincidentally, the leaves might fall,somewhere, by repute. Yesterday was blue, like smoke.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I have a lot of wonderful yesterdays and the todays are good too. I look forward to seeing what each of my friends do. They are talented, beautiful, loving people and I am excited to see what art they create, whether it be plays, paintings, or families (Some already are). I smile to think of how my little brothers will grow too. My not so little brothers. I pray that whatever these loved in my life do, they will do it to the glory of God, that their focus will be their relationship with Him. Because that's the most important really. And I'm thankful for the mystery and for the knowledge that whatever comes He has it in His hands.

Counting down to Knapples and Chuckles

2008-10-10T15:56:00.003-04:00

It is a busy weekend. Our fourth intern arrived from Romania on Wednesday night. She and I are settling into the other side of the house now. She is a lovely girl and we're so glad to have her finally here. It will be good to have another actress here. This morning she made me breakfast and is disappointed that our American bread is so sweet.

Last weekend I went to Ohio for the 4th AmeriCorps reunion of my team. My former team leader and one of my team mates picked me up and we drove over for a wonderful weekend with our Amerifam. It was so good to see them and I'll write more about that when Mel sends out some of her beautiful pictures from our time.

Keeping with the reunion theme I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my friends from Belhaven. They come in tomorrow and I have that Christmas Eve anticipation where I can't sleep or focus very well. I can hardly believe that I get to see them.

We have our first Second Sunday Concert this weekend so I'm a little anxious about that as I'm in charge of it. I'm sure it will be fine, there's just a lot going on at once so I'm feeling a bit stressed. It's going to be a good weekend though and I'm just praying the stress and anxiety will ease and I'll enjoy every second that my friends are here. It's pretty neat that they'll get to see the concert.

Counting down to knapples and chuckles. Thankfully there's a fun concert tonight that I'm not in charge of and can enjoy with Krisztina. And then I'll drink a double dose of bedtime tea in the hopes of knocking out without "Christmaseveanitcipatinsomnia"

Sunday Storms

2008-09-18T09:47:00.004-04:00

I look forward to Sundays. They're quiet days. When I'm living the way I want to I go to church and nothing is required of me that day but rest. I read, spend time with friends, write letters or journal. This Sunday was rainy which makes it all the better. It was really really rainy. And windy. Hurricane effect I suppose. The lake was busy with droplets and wind.
In the middle of a journal entry one of my housemates, Annaka, starts calling my name. More than that. "Faith! Faith! We need your help!"

?

So I go out into the living room and outside I see Julie wrestling a boat. Yes, a boat. She was in the water with a boat. A large one. I ran outside in my cute pink sweater that was not meant for lake weed.

The boat was a rogue, a runaway and was threatening to run into our neighbors much smaller boat and crush his much smaller dock. Thus Julie being in the water.

Annaka and I helped hold the boat. We got on board to look for identification and Annaka called our friend Joy to ask what on earth we should do. Meanwhile the rain is pouring and the wind is getting stronger. And we're laughing our heads off with no idea of what to do except keep Fred (we named it) away from the rocks and the dock and the other boat. We are up to our knees in water. Julie's brand new galoshes weren't quite doing the trick since she was over them in water.
Joy calls the police and apparently there really is someone who handles this kind of thing. Only they like Sundays too. They aren't there. And the dispatch lady has no idea what to tell us.
So Joy comes with a camera. Our neighbor Pete pulls up in his truck and when yelling his name brings no results I run over and find him still in his truck.

"Pete! Pete! There's a runaway boat!" says the drenched girl in the pink sweater.
Pete looks at me.
"There's a boat and it's here and we're trying to keep it away from the rocks and the dock and the boat and we don't know what to do!"
Pete looks over my shoulder. Pete says he is headed to the police chief's anyway and will ask them about it.
I run back and hop in the water again because obviously I'm not wet enough.

"I hope we make some friends!" says Annaka
" I hope we make some money." Says Julie
"Ha!" say I

Pete comes back and the police again haven't much info for us. Apparently we're just supposed to let the boat do its thing. Not wanting Pete's property to suffer though we tie it up to the swing (and by we I mean Pete).

We thanked him and Joy and went inside, tired and cold, for warm clothes and hot tea. We laughed at the absurdity of the whole situation and looked forward to relaying the story later. The theme of holding things continued later when one of our common room windows came crashing open and cracked along its wood frame threatening to fall off and spill the glass pane. So we took turns holding it while trying to figure out what to do. And naturally we called Joy. Again.

The window has yet to be fixed (it's being held up by chairs and a funnoodle) and the boat was recovered rather anticlimactically (and with no interest in the story or much thanks either. Sorry Annaka, no friends. Sorry Julie, no money.) but the story has brightened the week and makes us laugh when it gets told. Ah bonding.

And now, I'm looking forward to Sunday. Which I hope is quiet...

Nutshell Beginning

2008-09-08T15:24:00.002-04:00

“ I’m here, I’m here!” (see A Lad and His Lamp, Bugs Bunny cartoon). After a fourteen hour train ride on Sunday/Monday I arrived minus just one bag that I chased the Fed Ex man down for on Tuesday. Great fun.

My house is gorgeous and when I walk into my living room I can see the lake right there. Incredible. I say ‘my house’ but actually I’m staying on the side of the lodge with two of the other interns until our fourth intern gets here from Romania. Then she and I will move to the other side of the lodge where, thank heavens, the view remains.

I’ve learned a lot more about CPAF ministry since I’ve been here and I feel blessed to be working with such an amazing organization. God has really worked through them the past twenty years and I’m excited to be a part of it. I don’t always feel completely settled yet though and I miss people like crazy. The people here are very kind though and I look forward to getting to know them better. It’s lovely having housemates again. Through the year you’ll get to know them better to as I blog.

My job is managing community relations and most of what I’ll be doing is facilitating what is called the Second Sunday Concert Series. The second Sunday of every month we have a concert with various classical pieces played by our body of musicians. We’ll also sing hymns, have guest artists and I can perform pieces as well which I will most likely be doing with Kristina who is also and actor. My job is to put the word out, make and send posters, postcards, letters, co-ordinate the volunteers, create the program, etc. When I’m not doing that I’ll be looking for new ways to get us connected and known to the community. Maria (A*Corps) and Shannon (New Stage) have already given me some good advice on how to do that. Thank you ladies!

So in a very small nutshell that’s the beginning. More to come!

Stories

2008-08-26T00:44:00.014-04:00

I promised Owl a new post and remember so as I lay in bed at 12:30. I can't really decide on a subject and figure it can wait but then I come up with too many possibilities and sleep doesn't want to come. So I get up and find that Henry is at the computer because she can't sleep either. After tooth fairy duties she goes to bed and I take the 'puter.

I still don't know which route to go with this though. Owl just went for a visit to our old school, Belhaven and attended the masquerade ball while there. Last year she and Binker won the best dressed couple award which was funny because, well they didn't co-ordinate their costumes and they weren't a couple. Wynken and I won cutest couple which was funny for the same reason. Owl and Binker wound up matching again this year which I found amusing. Or 'Amoosing' as some may say. ;)

So thinking about the ball and about my dear friend and about writing a post mostly for her reading enjoyment brought up numerous story possiblities. Such as when she tried to tell me a story that she swore wasn't scary and yet began "I woke up screaming...". Or when she got me to try to make up a story and the moral of it wound up being never ask Merc to make up a story again. There are also beautiful old classics such as "The Akward Luncheon" and "The Civil War Ball".

With Owl your life is filled with story. She is a natural born story teller. I don't give her enough credit for this because as a story teller she often makes things as colorful as possible. She also leaves out things like...perspective. Owl remembers things the way Owl remembe rs them and sometimes that isn't quite the way it happened. Binker and I were her self appointed story "referees" when we were around. But when she isn't around I miss the way she conveys things. How she can capture a person's essence with her voice and mannerisms and take you into that moment. I often wish she were there to help me bring a moment to life when I'm trying to get it across to someone else.

At Belhaven we had a great group of story loving friends too. We used to get together at my house on Sunday's and read children's books aloud together. 'Winnie the Pooh' was standard and we each had regular characters we read for everytime. I was Christopher Robin and Rabbit. Wynken, Binker and Nod got their nicknames from stories and stories are in fact what brought Nod into our little group to begin with. You can read about it on his blog.

Binker is an excellent writer and he loves fairy tales. Owl conveys stories from her life experience so that you feel as if you were there and Binker weaves new fiction. He used to narrate stories for us on the spot and we'd jump in as different roles as he brought new characters in. Despite the weird (and sometimes fantastic) bits we'd throw at him he could always turn it into a cohesive story.

As for myself I write about my story loving,telling friends in my journals. * My journals remind me how rich I am. My life has been filled with stories and characters of all different kinds. I miss the ones I write about here, enjoy spending time with those I'm with now (oh the stories of those characters known as my family!), and look forward to meeting those that I don't yet know but guess I soon won't be able to imagine my life without.

I recently got to spend time with my best friend from Americorps. I hadn't seen her in three years and it was so good to catch up. It was encouraging too. Because even though it had been so long, we still got together, we still made it happen. And we fell right into our old rythym. She's still part of my story and that gives me hope that others who are far away in time and space will be too. And not just in "happyland". Now there's another story...

*(I also like to tell funny stories out loud. Everyone laughs at them. Granted no one actually knows what happens in any of them. They can't understand what I'm saying because I laugh too hard to get the words out. But that in itself makes them laugh.)

New Job New Shoes pt. 3 of 3

2008-08-15T17:40:00.005-04:00

Rubies and Emeralds

So after the square Lois Lane shoe incident Mom took me shopping for various things I'll need for the new adventure. We went to the Salvation Army while we were out and they had a much larger shoe selection than our local Goodwill. So I began the search. And lo and behold I found not just one pair of shoes that outdid the Lois Lane's but several good sturdy grown up shoes! Most of them were two dollars and besides the useful black Hushpuppy pumps and the go with everything brown flats and the dress up black heels I found fun green shoes and .... a pair of ruby red slippers! Mom bought me these literal gems and said she was getting me Rubies and Emeralds. Incidentally, I was glad she'd vetoed the Lois Lane's as I found everything I needed and more at the Sal Val. (Stupid nickname that doesn't actually make sense but I picked it up and A*Corps and haven't been able to drop it since.)

I wore the Ruby Red Slippers recently on a trip to DC with my brother. He'd never driven before and he was kindly taking me to visit a professor and dear friend that was in town. DC isn't exactly the easiest city to navigate so I told Dev I was wearing the shoes to get us home should we need them. While we had Dr. Lou and Mrs Laura we did fine (and had a delightful time!) but we had a little problem with a traffic circle in the middle of the city on the way back. That could easily be a blog in and of itself. Better yet just call me and ask about it. We did get back eventually though and in one piece and I was so proud of my bro for his terrific driving abilities. We didn't even need the shoes but they made me feel cute. And safer of course.
D.C. with Dr. Lou and Dev (and Mrs. Laura too!)

And so there is the long story of the shoes which is very strange for a girl who used to go barefoot EVERYWHERE. Rin dear I promised you I'd post it today and so there it is. I hope you enjoyed. ;)

Classics

2008-08-12T13:56:00.004-04:00

I believe that it is important to introduce younger generations to classics in music, film and literature. That is why I was so pleased to watch one such film with my little brothers last night. (Well one little brother, the problem with classic art is that some people tend to fall asleep.) We watched Batman. And I don't mean the new yet fabulous Batman; the Dark Knight with stellar performances by such rookies as Christian Bale and Heath Ledger. No, no, I mean four villains in one movie. I mean a dynamic duo. I mean shark repellent Batspray. That's right ladies and gentleman, I mean "holy 1960's Batman" Batman.

Last night Wolfgang and I laughed ourselves silly over the cinematic gem that is The Batman Movie. Christian Bale has nothing on Adam West. Ohmigosh. In this mozzarella fest of a B movie we have four "super" villains with the "minimum objective of taking over the world". Their plan? To dehydrate the bickering members of the UN into multicolored pixie dust and ransom the dust to their respective countries. Yeah dehydration. The villains succeed in the dehydration part but fortunately Batman and Robin get to them in time for a Bam!Pow!Whap! fight in broad daylight. After the brightly colored fight the dust gets knocked over AND sneezed on so that all the ambassadors are mixed up! Fortunately Batman has a Molecular Dust Separator in the Batcave and he and Robin put on aprons and make it all better while giving a play by play to the commissioner on the red bat phone. The commissioner or relays information to the President who incredibly relays it to the whole world. Strangely the world doesn't get a colorful phone, just a microphone. "We are ready to rehydrate!" the message goes out internationally. Now I'm not usually one to give away the ends of movies but this is just...too much. We finally get the colorful dust that is the UN into their seperate seats and Batman carefully rehydrates them with a handy dandy water cooler (it's not just any water cooler, don't be foolish! It has an official Bat Rehydration plaque on it.) Only one problem...the men have not stopped arguing and now... oh no! They've switched languages! Some molecules have been mixed up. Batman doesn't seem to be too concerned though. Before the "nananananananananananananananana" music and credits we get this fine line assuring us it will all be okay;

Batman: Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity! Let's go, but, inconspicuously, through the window. We'll use our Batropes. Our job is finished.

As good as all of that is my favorite scene has to be the ridding of the bomb where Batman is running with a lit bomb around a dock, once again in broad daylight. He tries going this way but Oh No! Not the nuns Batman! Then over here, but No! Not the Baby! What's this? A marching band?! Try again, try again! There's the dock edge, throw it into the sea! (Sea means C for Catwoman by the way. Robin has this wonderful epiphany when they're trying to figure out which villains are involved.) But no! Lovers in a boat! Other side Batman, other side! NO! Ducklings! It's about to blow! So of course now we do the rotation of Nun, Baby, Marching Band again and then POW! Robin runs to see what happened. Fortunately (?) Batman found iron rods to hide behind as he thrust the bomb over a finally cleared piece of dock. Whew. Robin is amazed that Batman was willing to risk himself instead of throw the bomb into the bar.

Batman: They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're still human beings.

I'm searching through IMDB movie lines to try and find the exact wording of some of my favorites to share with you. It's a goldmine though and I'm really going to have to pare it down. I highly recommend looking it up yourself. Or if you have not seen this movie maybe you just need to check it out for yourself. oh oh! I forgot about the self sacrificing porpoises. And so many other unbelievable bits that I can't fit here. Seriously, you have to see this movie. In the mean time enjoy these tidbits.

Robin: Gosh, drinking's sure a filthy thing isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes.
Batman: Uhuh.
_______________________________
Commissioner Gordon: Penguin, Joker, Riddler... and Catwoman, too! The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate!
____________________________
Catwoman: Marry me, Batman!
Batman: But what about Robin?
______________________________
Robin: Support your police! That's our message!
Batman: Well said, Robin... and no better way to end this press conference... thank you, and good day.

_______________________________
Batman: Confound it, the batteries are dead!

Batman: Some days, you just can't git rid of a bomb.
______________________
Penguin: Shut up, you feline floozy!

[on the phone]
Vice Admiral Fangschliester: Your tone sounds rather grim. We haven't done anything foolish, have we?
[reproachfully]
Batman: Disposing a pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses... Good day, Admiral!
[they hang up]
Vice Admiral Fangschliester: Gosh!

New Job New Shoes pt. 2

2008-08-11T21:00:00.003-04:00

And now, the reason for the need of new shoes.

The beginning of this summer had me striving to remember what exactly was so delicious about ambiguity. My summer job had fallen through and I wasn't sure what was next for the fall. Though I was enjoying time at home I missed Belhaven (still do) and wasn't sure what or when my next adventure would be. I knew that God would provide in His time, He always does, but I tend to want things on my time and was trying hard not to freak out. It's so odd that we can have so much trouble trusting in the Creator of the universe. It doesn't make much sense really.

I got an invitatio in July to spend a couple of weeks with a friends family and tutor her little brother. I had a very good time and got to go to a Christan classic arts festival to pick up said friend, Kaelen. Kaelen's mom, Mrs. Zirbel, found an internship with the organization that runs the festival and I applied for the internship. While at the festival I was able to interview and audition for the position. The people there were very kind and I gathered that the atmosphere would be very similiar to what it was when I was at YWAM, living in a spiritually and artistically rich community.

And so the long and short of it is that I got the internship and on the 31st of this month I will be headed off for my newest adventure! As the community relations intern (which is the position I wanted) I will get to help put the bi-weekly concerts together and other events as well as involving people who support the ministry. Thus the need for some grown up shoes. I will also develop and work on my craft and perform which although required will be a product of my own initiative.

I am excited about this new job and I intend to keep my goings on posted here on this blog. (Which may be getting a make-over soon) I will send out a mass e-mail tonight to let my dear friends and relations know of its actual existence and then you are free to check it at your own risk...I mean leisure. This may be better than being inundated with mass e-mails, although I've gotten bad about sending even those unless it's for a new address. I'll try to be better at posting here but the pen name is accurate in that I am fickle when it comes to blogging. We'll see how it goes. Happy reading~

New Job New Shoes pt. 1 of 3

2008-08-05T16:37:00.004-04:00

Lois Lane Shoes

On Tuesday I went to town with Mom and we stopped at Goodwill. I'd been wanting to go there to check out luggage and shoes. While perusing the shoe section I found a nice pair of brown shoes with a bit of a heel that would work well for my new job, which is exactly what I was going for. (New job bit coming later.) So I try them on and am pleased to discover that they fit.

"Mom, what do you think of these?" I ask abandoning my flip flops in the middle of the store.
She looks at the shoes. She tilts her head and her mouth opens. Then it closes. She looks at me.
"No?" I ask, a little surprised.
"Not so much." she says.
"Oh. Okay." And after considering whether or not to keep them I put them back figuring maybe I missed something and I'll have better luck next time.

On the way home we were laughing about the interaction. Usually when she isn't sure what to say and is weighing between polite and true ( I told her to usually go with true for me ) she looks at you, says nothing, and walks away. That was why I was caught off guard and wound up putting them back.
"What didn't you like about them?" I ask her.
"I don't know. I was trying to think of a movie character to compare you to."
"Well if you think of it let me know."
"They were like, Lois Lane shoes."
"Lois Lane. Well she was a professional.", I say not sure why this was a bad thing.
"Yeah, they looked officey..."
There is a silence as it hits us that her problem with the shoes was exactly why I wanted them.
"...which I guess is what you were going for."
Yes. Yes it was.
Communication is not a strong point in my family but laughter is and we have a good session of it over this. We still are. Plus it has an even happier ending which is coming soon...

Part two; "The Reason for Lois Lane Shoes" or "My New Job!"

Two Hours and Fifteen Minutes

2008-06-18T01:16:00.000-04:00

"We always wind up talking about death." says Binker to me on the phone this evening.

"We do not always wind up talking about death. It's part of life and we talk about pretty much everything so yeah we're going to talk about it but we do not always talk about it.", I object.

"Oh! That reminds me. I thought of an interesting scenario. What if it wasn't you that had two hours and fifteen minutes, it was someone else?"

"That is interesting!", pause, "okay so maybe we do talk about death a lot."

Two hours and fifteen minutes. It's a game we started about a year and a half ago. If the world was going to explode in two hours and fifteen minutes what would you do with that time? I'm pretty sure at the time it was because we wanted to watch Batman instead of go to class but it didn't go away.

From this came all sorts of hypothesis and variations of the question. Does the whole world KNOW it's going to blow up or only the two of us? What if it was just the two of us that were going to die and no explosions were present? What if just one of us was? What if it was a week instead of two hours and fifteen minutes? And now, what if someone else had two hours and fifteen minutes? Do only you know?

Would you tell the person? It was decided that this would depend on the person. If you don't tell the person are you responsible for telling people this person is close to?

I ask what Binker would do if someone just came up to him and told him he only had two hours and fifteen minutes to live. He wouldn't really take them seriously, some random stranger, but I insist that he would still look at that time slot differently and whether or not random stranger was prophet or loon (though sometimes the two are not mutually exclusive) would weigh on his mind. Of course after all the conversations we've had about it he says that if someone randomly came up and spouted that exact number at him he would certainly wonder.

I suggested we could change people's lives by being the random prophet loons. Not becuase they'd die, but because maybe they'd live those two hours and fifteen minutes in a different light. Maybe they'd call their Mom. Maybe they'd get a massage. Maybe we'd get arrested. It wouldn't be the first time one of our "normal" activities got attention from the police.
("I need to see some ID."
Sorry sir none of us have any on us.
"What are you all doing down here "(at the park after dark)
We were singing sir.
" ? ... ? I need to see some ID.")

In a mere fifteen minutes it will be 2:00 and I should most certainly be in bed by that time. Goodnight and if the world explodes may your dreams til then be pleasant ones! And I hope you fit in a good midnight snack. ;)

Hello Again

2008-04-15T22:06:00.000-04:00

I'm in the lobby of the Hampton Inn looking up various loved ones blogs, remembering what brilliant and beautiful people are in my life and considering converting some of todays giggles into a "blog". I'm also waiting for the others to come down and we're going to a movie though I'm really tired and not entirely sure this is a good idea. Ah well, can't really complain since I get to go see a movie and I'm tired because of late night chats with some of aforementioned beatiful people. So Miss Ambiguious is considering a return though it may be short lived. Time will tell. And lack of exhaustion. Or maybe the exhaustion is neccesary to the proces.

First Entry

2007-08-07T16:26:00.001-04:00

*note- despite the lack of chronological correctness this was indeed my first post that was unfortunately deleted.

Here I am in the fishbowl at school looking through blogs instead of working on Squadfits like I should be. One of the glorious things about these first couple weeks of August is being on whatever schedule I like. Lingering in bed to read in the morning is one of my favorite uses of this gift of time. I am currently being inspired by Madeline L'Engle's Circle of Quiet, which I accidently stumbled upon in the library while looking for something else.It's funny, but sometimes I get so caught up in the not so real busy things of life that I forget that I love to read. Actually I suppose that isn't funny at all.

My very best friend in the whole world visited me this weekend. We had a really good time together. I used to believe that everyone had a friend like her, that everyone had a relationship as close, had an Other. Only a few years ago did I realize how blessed I was. It's funny that we both go to school so far away and yest so semi-close to each other. It happened so accidentally. She graduates this December and I'm so proud of her. Sister Alex is a very smart woman, though she doesn't realize it.

I am rat-sitting this week. Okay, by this week I actually mean Saturday night and yesterday. They belong to Rhett and Scarlett and are named Neville Longbottom and Sir Tobey. Last night the three of us lay on the couch and I tried not to be too ticklish while they scurried around my neck like a living scarf. I talked to Sister Alex last night and said I was going to miss them when they left today. "Yes but Scarlett and Rhett will be back." Oh yeah.

Library

2007-08-07T15:45:00.000-04:00

I've been holding off going to the library because I want to finish Circle of Quiet before I start something else. I was so proud of myself when I only checked out that book, and it took a lot of effort to do so. This isn't because I take books home and devour them, that's exactly the problem.

Despite my complaints that we have a terrible school library there are plenty of good treasures there and I easily become overwhelmed by the literary feast. I want to know everything about everything so I grab several books that dazzle me, convinced that with some scheduling I'll somehow be an expert on seven new topics within a month. Consequently I read none of them and feel like a failure.

And so, when I discovered Mrs L'Engle's book, and found sitting on the library floor, that this was something I wanted to read, I had to force myself out of the library without grabbing anything else. It has been well worth it. I must remember the neccesity of small steps.

So why did I go today? Because it's gorgeous outside and I want to read some by the fountain before I head home. Also, Mrs L'Engle has reminded me of the importance of Fairy Tales and I wanted to get a book of Grimm's. I also took a look about the poetry section and chose a slender blue book of 75 poems by e.e. cummings. I'm not familiar with cummings and I enjoyed our small introduction, once again seated on the linoleaum floor of the library.

After choosing some music and happily realizing that I could watch videos at the library (I just put my television away last night. More on this later. I had no idea what a fantastic video collection we have!) I went to check out.
e.e. cummings was one of the older books which you have to sign for on it's card instead of through the computer. It hadn't been checked out since 1979. This similtaneously mortified and pleased me, in the same way you feel when you discover you are someone's sole friend. I was sad it had gone unloved for so long, but pleased that I got to rescue it.