This post will be short because I am stupid tired and wake up quite early~ but it was a good weekend so that's lovely.
Today, for day one of this count, I write my Mom and Dad to say "hey. Thanks for having your kids. I love you."
There were a few more words but really that's the gist.
Seriously though, I'm grateful to my Mom and Dad for teaching us to value family, for giving of themselves for us, for teaching us to love and live for God, and for our stellar senses of humor. ;) But really we owe that last part to my Mom probably. No offense Dad. We'll give you teaching us about God's word. And we'll give both of you a love of movies and food and music. :) You can both take credit for our weirdness too. And all of this comes together to make our family. Love you guys. (and sorry I'm so tired that my words are not more eloquent to say so.)
Sunday, March 15, 2015
30 to 30
Through a random comment from a co-worker yesterday ("Oh, well I know you're in your early twenties...." "erm. Yeah. Except not.") it occurred to me that it was a month until I'd turn 30 years old. It seemed a happy accident to have the realization that I could do something with that sort of a timeframe, one that won't happen again, one that I hadn't given any thought to til that moment. And so after pondering what that would look like I've come up with a sort of project. From now til my birthday I'm going to do a "Something" that relates to that days corresponding year. Example: tomorrow being year one, I'll write to my parents. You know, cause they're how I was born and all that. ;) This way I can do something meaningful with that time, with saying goodbye to my 20's and hello to a new decade (!), instead of just letting it pass. I think it could be a fun, small adventure and I'll keep record of it here.
Here goes!
Here goes!
Saturday, March 8, 2014
The Interview
Last Friday Great Lakes Science Center asked me to interview as an engagement specialist and to prepare a 3-5 minute presentation on the scientific topic of my choice. I’d applied but didn’t expect to hear back and was surprised to get the call. I was even more surprised at the words “presentation on the scientific topic of your choice.” The word ‘surprised’ here means an internal freak out of nearly hanging up the phone proportions. Erm….
When my bro and I were young homeschoolers in love with such shows as Bill Nye and The Kratz Brothers we thought it would be super cool to have our own show as a brother/sister duo from a Creationist perspective. That said, Dev would provide the actual know how on factual things while I would provide whatever on screen antics were necessary. Devan is also brilliant at on screen antics but the fact is I’d need a script and he could have written it. Dev used to bury himself in DK books, field guides and thick encyclopedias of nature facts. When enrolled in public kindergarten for the week and a half it lasted, he walked by what was my old classroom [which I‘d loved], peeked in at pictures of dinosaurs on the walls and said to his teachers surprise “Oh look it’s a (some highly scientific and difficult to pronounce and not known by most 5 yr old words here)”
He left kindergarten in tears about a week later complaining that “all they do is draw circles and cut them out!!”
On the flip side of this his older sister loved kindergarten and craft time and Sesame Street. ...
Despite the slight flashback this phrase brought I did NOT hang up the phone and after a pause ventured “Now, I gather you’ll be evaluating me on my presentation skills & not my scientific know-how ?” Oxygen returned to my brain upon hearing the words "Yes. Of course, if you say something blatantly wrong we’ll call you on it, but yes.” Crisis averted.
Still I was freaking out a bit, not at all sure what I should speak on or what ‘presentation’ fully entails. I mean are we talking power point here or what? Thankfully I had the privilege of performing Shakespeare scenes with a couple of actors who in fact work at GLSC. A love for the Bard and mutual fondness for Pho made for a fast friendship with one such actor. I excited/panic texted her and was enormously thankful for her input and encouragement which included “Do NOT do a power point unless they ask for it”.
When helpful roomie Cassie got home I told her the news & she asked what I’d present on.
“I have no idea.”
“Whales! You have to do it on whales.”
This woman is smart. I could easily talk on this subject over 5 minutes even without prep. Which I began to do in the shower, on walks to the grocery store, and around the house to see what material I already had. I decided to divide it into three categories- blues for their size, humpbacks for their song and grays for their long migration-and got to work fact checking and arranging the presentation. I learned some cool stuff including the proper size comparisons for a blue whale, which are pretty awesome (100 people could fit in a blue whale’s mouth and it’s heart is the size of a mini cooper. It’s HEART! Seriously, you could crawl through it’s major arteries. The thing is huge. Thank God they’re docile!)
Brainy bro Dev looked over my material and gave some pointers and encouragement (after inadvertently giving me the 3rd degree via text. “Who is your audience? How long do you have? What kind of presentation? When is it?” “Dev, you‘re freaking me out!” “Sorry.”) and after polishing and prepping on Monday I was about ready to go.
Job searching in the dead of Cleveland’s coldest in decades winter is possibly when I most pointedly feel the annoying side of my car-less state of being. Usually a tromp through snow and ice and ridiculous temperatures to the bus involves layers of real clothing, hats, scarves, general warming wear. Bundled properly, I don’t much feel the cold or the harshness.
Enter job interviews. Suddenly a certain ‘look’ is necessary, often involving hose and heels and dresses. When I see women running around in hose and obviously too little clothing for March, I often scoff glad for leggings and thermals. Now I get to be this person. And this person was very grateful for the pretty, long, heavy dress coat her friend bought her in St Louis because even with it she still froze her butt off. How do business women do this?!
Hopping off the bus a tad early, which means a longer walk, I run into CVS to get my single prop, a print of me kissing the baby grey whale at Magdalena Bay in Baja California. I consider not risking the time but will have to ditch this part of my presentation if I don't because without the evidence I think it will seem made up. I calculate the time carefully hoping the bumper is enough even though the quirky guy at the register still has to print my pics which annoyingly wasn’t done. He’s kind though and I have just enough time.
“Just waiting on Miss Whitacre’s prints. Here we go!” As he places them in a manila envelope and rings it up he remarks, “That is some interesting stuff! I think I need to be more diverse in my choice of activities!”
I laugh wondering what everyone in line behind me thinks might be in that envelope.
And then out to the brisk! I run in heels for the first stretch both for time and hopefully body heat. Then I meet more crosswalks and slow it down. The air is like swallowing ice water and is so piercing I feel like my body might explode. I have never been this cold. The Lake becomes visible and the sight of it makes me colder still. It’s ice as far as you can see. It’s magnificent and if my thoughts weren't so frozen I would be mesmerized at one of Cleveland’s many overlooked attributes. But I am frozen and that occupies all of my brain space.
I make it and wonder what my hair must look like as, halfway here, I decided to don a hat after all. The other darn applicants are so dang early a quick bolt into the bathroom for a mirror check is not in the works. I feel discombobulated and try arranging myself noting as I do that the women waiting with me have arms full of actual science looking props and that they evidently have science & teaching backgrounds. I am the odd duck actress in the room. Because I was already cold and now need to take off the one shield I have, my large coat, I don’t ever actually warm up and when we get a break later on I dodge into the bathroom & realize my lips are actually purple. Odd duck actress now looks like an idiot who can’t dress herself. Awesome.
We get upstairs, I’m still cold, my phone decides to play DC talk though the ringer is off, my materials feel like they’re everywhere and I have to pee. But this museum is totally cool and I am so gonna ride this wave. One of the other applicants remarks (not unkindly) that she’s impressed I could fit all my material into one bag. Seriously these women have beakers and bags and stuff and I have zero props aside from my possibly cheap shot picture of me and the baby gray. During the audition we pair up and find an exhibit to present with our partner. All the other applicants actually know things while I get excited that an echo machine looks like it came from Dr. Suess. My contribution to the zoetrope presentation with my partner is cartoon knowledge.
Mostly I’m just amused by all of this and intrigued by a new feeling; The Uma/Janeane Switch.
There’s a movie I enjoy that is a gender reversal of the classic Cyrano de Bergerac. It stars Uma Thurman as the leggy, gorgeous, brainless model and Janeane Garofalo as the intelligent, snarky, guy-ignored radio host. They forge a friendship through the misled and somewhat accidental venture of winning a guy with Uma’s appearance and Janeane’s wit.
“You and I together make the perfect woman!” Uma excitedly pronounces.
“No you and I together make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.” counters Garofalo.
Generally in my life I have related to Garofalo’s role. (When she finally gets a chance to talk on her own to the handsome Brit she likes she drops salsa on her t-shirt which she then scoops off with the offending tortilla chip.) So it was very strange to suddenly feel a role reversal. I didn't suddenly become drop dead gorgeous & free of thought and certainly these women weren't unattractive or overly snarky, but they actually knew what they were talking about, I didn't and yet my presentation skills trumped theirs. I thought how strange if I were to get this job, if I really was what they were looking for, that it would mean stage presence beat out actual scientific know how. I thought how frustrating that could feel to someone with a well grounded scientific background.
Presentations themselves were fun. One other applicant had some theatre experience but more so in science & I found it interesting that we were the only 2 to stay in the time frame.
Even though I didn't have stunning props, my blue whale facts were pretty sweet and the ladies were kind and gave me their attention. Afterward I told one of the other applicants her presentation was really cool (It was. She had beakers and chemicals. There was smoke and it was awesome.) and she thanked me and said she was impressed I could keep her engaged with just words. Also one of the applicants brought Oreo s which was super smooth move. And tasty too.
My interviews afterward went well and the staff members used really positive language that made me think they were interested. The first was an actual scientist who shared with me that when he first came it was a strange adjustment for him that they wanted actors more than scientists. That made me feel that a) they really were looking for actors even though I felt the odd man out, and b) I was right about how strange it must be to accept that from the other side. In the next interview they told me I’d be a good fit for such and such and could tell the age group I preferred by my presentation [I may or may not have done a Dory speaks whale imitation.] which was where they thought I’d fit. It was all encouraging and I’ll know by Monday. Either way it was a really good and stretching experience.
Leaving the museum I took a moment for how cool this whole thing was. I walked past the Omnimax box office and could look out to Lake Erie just 20 feet from the lobby. Since my brain had thawed I thought of the things I love about Cleveland and how cool it would be to work here at GLSC. I took the train back this time and it looped me around to Tower City providing a stellar view of the city and taking me under bridges I hadn't noticed, seeing architecture and angles of the city I've missed. A daily commute to the Great Lakes Science Center is something this odd duck actress certainly wouldn't mind. Especially if she can wear real clothes.
When my bro and I were young homeschoolers in love with such shows as Bill Nye and The Kratz Brothers we thought it would be super cool to have our own show as a brother/sister duo from a Creationist perspective. That said, Dev would provide the actual know how on factual things while I would provide whatever on screen antics were necessary. Devan is also brilliant at on screen antics but the fact is I’d need a script and he could have written it. Dev used to bury himself in DK books, field guides and thick encyclopedias of nature facts. When enrolled in public kindergarten for the week and a half it lasted, he walked by what was my old classroom [which I‘d loved], peeked in at pictures of dinosaurs on the walls and said to his teachers surprise “Oh look it’s a (some highly scientific and difficult to pronounce and not known by most 5 yr old words here)”
He left kindergarten in tears about a week later complaining that “all they do is draw circles and cut them out!!”
On the flip side of this his older sister loved kindergarten and craft time and Sesame Street. ...
Despite the slight flashback this phrase brought I did NOT hang up the phone and after a pause ventured “Now, I gather you’ll be evaluating me on my presentation skills & not my scientific know-how ?” Oxygen returned to my brain upon hearing the words "Yes. Of course, if you say something blatantly wrong we’ll call you on it, but yes.” Crisis averted.
Still I was freaking out a bit, not at all sure what I should speak on or what ‘presentation’ fully entails. I mean are we talking power point here or what? Thankfully I had the privilege of performing Shakespeare scenes with a couple of actors who in fact work at GLSC. A love for the Bard and mutual fondness for Pho made for a fast friendship with one such actor. I excited/panic texted her and was enormously thankful for her input and encouragement which included “Do NOT do a power point unless they ask for it”.
When helpful roomie Cassie got home I told her the news & she asked what I’d present on.
“I have no idea.”
“Whales! You have to do it on whales.”
This woman is smart. I could easily talk on this subject over 5 minutes even without prep. Which I began to do in the shower, on walks to the grocery store, and around the house to see what material I already had. I decided to divide it into three categories- blues for their size, humpbacks for their song and grays for their long migration-and got to work fact checking and arranging the presentation. I learned some cool stuff including the proper size comparisons for a blue whale, which are pretty awesome (100 people could fit in a blue whale’s mouth and it’s heart is the size of a mini cooper. It’s HEART! Seriously, you could crawl through it’s major arteries. The thing is huge. Thank God they’re docile!)
Brainy bro Dev looked over my material and gave some pointers and encouragement (after inadvertently giving me the 3rd degree via text. “Who is your audience? How long do you have? What kind of presentation? When is it?” “Dev, you‘re freaking me out!” “Sorry.”) and after polishing and prepping on Monday I was about ready to go.
Job searching in the dead of Cleveland’s coldest in decades winter is possibly when I most pointedly feel the annoying side of my car-less state of being. Usually a tromp through snow and ice and ridiculous temperatures to the bus involves layers of real clothing, hats, scarves, general warming wear. Bundled properly, I don’t much feel the cold or the harshness.
Enter job interviews. Suddenly a certain ‘look’ is necessary, often involving hose and heels and dresses. When I see women running around in hose and obviously too little clothing for March, I often scoff glad for leggings and thermals. Now I get to be this person. And this person was very grateful for the pretty, long, heavy dress coat her friend bought her in St Louis because even with it she still froze her butt off. How do business women do this?!
Hopping off the bus a tad early, which means a longer walk, I run into CVS to get my single prop, a print of me kissing the baby grey whale at Magdalena Bay in Baja California. I consider not risking the time but will have to ditch this part of my presentation if I don't because without the evidence I think it will seem made up. I calculate the time carefully hoping the bumper is enough even though the quirky guy at the register still has to print my pics which annoyingly wasn’t done. He’s kind though and I have just enough time.
“Just waiting on Miss Whitacre’s prints. Here we go!” As he places them in a manila envelope and rings it up he remarks, “That is some interesting stuff! I think I need to be more diverse in my choice of activities!”
I laugh wondering what everyone in line behind me thinks might be in that envelope.
And then out to the brisk! I run in heels for the first stretch both for time and hopefully body heat. Then I meet more crosswalks and slow it down. The air is like swallowing ice water and is so piercing I feel like my body might explode. I have never been this cold. The Lake becomes visible and the sight of it makes me colder still. It’s ice as far as you can see. It’s magnificent and if my thoughts weren't so frozen I would be mesmerized at one of Cleveland’s many overlooked attributes. But I am frozen and that occupies all of my brain space.
I make it and wonder what my hair must look like as, halfway here, I decided to don a hat after all. The other darn applicants are so dang early a quick bolt into the bathroom for a mirror check is not in the works. I feel discombobulated and try arranging myself noting as I do that the women waiting with me have arms full of actual science looking props and that they evidently have science & teaching backgrounds. I am the odd duck actress in the room. Because I was already cold and now need to take off the one shield I have, my large coat, I don’t ever actually warm up and when we get a break later on I dodge into the bathroom & realize my lips are actually purple. Odd duck actress now looks like an idiot who can’t dress herself. Awesome.
We get upstairs, I’m still cold, my phone decides to play DC talk though the ringer is off, my materials feel like they’re everywhere and I have to pee. But this museum is totally cool and I am so gonna ride this wave. One of the other applicants remarks (not unkindly) that she’s impressed I could fit all my material into one bag. Seriously these women have beakers and bags and stuff and I have zero props aside from my possibly cheap shot picture of me and the baby gray. During the audition we pair up and find an exhibit to present with our partner. All the other applicants actually know things while I get excited that an echo machine looks like it came from Dr. Suess. My contribution to the zoetrope presentation with my partner is cartoon knowledge.
Mostly I’m just amused by all of this and intrigued by a new feeling; The Uma/Janeane Switch.
There’s a movie I enjoy that is a gender reversal of the classic Cyrano de Bergerac. It stars Uma Thurman as the leggy, gorgeous, brainless model and Janeane Garofalo as the intelligent, snarky, guy-ignored radio host. They forge a friendship through the misled and somewhat accidental venture of winning a guy with Uma’s appearance and Janeane’s wit.
“You and I together make the perfect woman!” Uma excitedly pronounces.
“No you and I together make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.” counters Garofalo.
Generally in my life I have related to Garofalo’s role. (When she finally gets a chance to talk on her own to the handsome Brit she likes she drops salsa on her t-shirt which she then scoops off with the offending tortilla chip.) So it was very strange to suddenly feel a role reversal. I didn't suddenly become drop dead gorgeous & free of thought and certainly these women weren't unattractive or overly snarky, but they actually knew what they were talking about, I didn't and yet my presentation skills trumped theirs. I thought how strange if I were to get this job, if I really was what they were looking for, that it would mean stage presence beat out actual scientific know how. I thought how frustrating that could feel to someone with a well grounded scientific background.
Presentations themselves were fun. One other applicant had some theatre experience but more so in science & I found it interesting that we were the only 2 to stay in the time frame.
Even though I didn't have stunning props, my blue whale facts were pretty sweet and the ladies were kind and gave me their attention. Afterward I told one of the other applicants her presentation was really cool (It was. She had beakers and chemicals. There was smoke and it was awesome.) and she thanked me and said she was impressed I could keep her engaged with just words. Also one of the applicants brought Oreo s which was super smooth move. And tasty too.
My interviews afterward went well and the staff members used really positive language that made me think they were interested. The first was an actual scientist who shared with me that when he first came it was a strange adjustment for him that they wanted actors more than scientists. That made me feel that a) they really were looking for actors even though I felt the odd man out, and b) I was right about how strange it must be to accept that from the other side. In the next interview they told me I’d be a good fit for such and such and could tell the age group I preferred by my presentation [I may or may not have done a Dory speaks whale imitation.] which was where they thought I’d fit. It was all encouraging and I’ll know by Monday. Either way it was a really good and stretching experience.
Leaving the museum I took a moment for how cool this whole thing was. I walked past the Omnimax box office and could look out to Lake Erie just 20 feet from the lobby. Since my brain had thawed I thought of the things I love about Cleveland and how cool it would be to work here at GLSC. I took the train back this time and it looped me around to Tower City providing a stellar view of the city and taking me under bridges I hadn't noticed, seeing architecture and angles of the city I've missed. A daily commute to the Great Lakes Science Center is something this odd duck actress certainly wouldn't mind. Especially if she can wear real clothes.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Let the Adventures Begin
Today Terrell and I had a long day prepping H4 to be polished and ready to perform on Wednesday, running through workshops, and loading up the van for the start of a fall season of taking Margie & Mike and H4 (or so we call it) to schools in Ohio and also Pennsylvania and Michigan. We got to the rehearsal space at 9:30 and made our last trip down the elevator after load in at 6:30. After the last load of stage equipment going into the van we both collapsed against the elevator walls and laughed at the unplanned mutual expression. "This is the beginning of a beautiful partnership." Only not the beginning because we've just spent the past month getting these shows ready to hit the road. As we finished up final touches to H4 today Nina commented on the subtle but poignant changes "Wow, you miss a day...." Because of how right she was I couldn't help but think what it would be like if someone had missed a week. It's been so fun to watch how this brand new show has evolved as we've worked it this past month. I ran across pages from the first draft the other day and laughed at how foreign some of the lines seemed now. Watching the characters and story become more concise, direct, and tight has been a fun adventure. And now we'll get to watch and see how the kids react, what they relate to, where they laugh, and where they don't.
Nowadays there are multiple moments where something brings me back to the happy reality of "This is my JOB. And I love it." Today one such moment came when Al gave me t-shirts to try on for going to schools. They have the Cleveland Play House logo on the front and it made me grin to remember yet again that this is where I work. So good.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Befriend Faithfulness
Today at the Bucks I'm working second bar pouring milk and prepping the usual long line of cups for my co-worker Mark. I remember him mentioning being part of a play at his church and ask if that's still going on. It is.
"Yup. I've been an actor for 10 years now." says he as he finishes off a grande nonfat, no foam, with whip, caramel macchiato. Oh the lingo that is now a daily part of my life.
I do some math in my head not counting elementary days of locking myself in my room and singing at the top of my lungs to The Commitments or Sister Act soundtracks, not counting when I was four and my aunts or Mom would hold my nose and tell me to say "Hello Max" like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard ( I knew to lift my chin and look down my plugged nose too sending them into peals of laughter), not counting Christmas pageants and chicken out auditions and summer theatre camps. Choosing to count from my first real production at the Old Opera House, aka my second home and local community theatre growing up, I total the math while pouring 2%.
"16 years for me." I say not a little proudly and with a happy smirk, not necessarily because I've chronologically one upped him- I am after all older than he is, but because I'm proud to say it's been that long that I've been an actor. Which makes the next part sting more.
"You're an actor?"
Oi. When I first learned Mark was an actor I didn't even throw in 'me too' because in most other settings of my life that's just been a given. It's what I did. Not so in this season of my life it seems. "You're an actor?"
It isn't the first time though that what I have considered such a substantial part of my identity hasn't even been known about me. I've waded through patronizing comments and outright laughter and confused looks while waiting tables on the boat. Sometimes I just wanted to scream out 'You don't understand! This is what I'm GOOD at!'
But I don't understand either really. I don't understand that it is something I"m good at and yet...
yet it's really hard for me to think of it in terms of an actual career. For myself at any rate. And after being in New York for a short time I feel I've stalled out somehow. And I question myself where it fits in my life. But while the question is still there withdrawal is setting in, it always does, and I want to do what I'm good at again. And I get really kooky.
And so while I take over for Mark whose shift is over I daydream about running away to LA. Watching clips of the Golden Globes and going to the movies with my roommate I crave to be in films. I am a goof and I love watching things like the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards. Seriously, it's like my Super bowl. And I do get excitedly involved as if touchdowns are happening for my home team. I like seeing all these actors familiar from the screen together in one room. It's just exciting.
So I daydream about LA. And I wonder what I'm doing with my life and what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and what God wants me to do with my life. And while making espresso drinks in Cleveland Clinic I remember this verse I stumbled on when I first moved here. It's in the Psalms and the part that comes to my mind is 'dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.'
Befriend faithfulness.
Earlier in this Psalm it also talks about delighting yourself in the Lord and Him giving you the desires of your heart. The desires of our heart are refined too and even changed sometimes as we do learn to delight ourselves in Him.
In these things I am encouraged even in the midst of work, in the midst of being really unsure. And when I get anxious and restless during the afternoon of coffee and customers and 'you're an actor?', wondering where I can best pursue what I'm good at, this answer comes back.
Befriend faithfulness.
Be faithful.
Right now, in this season, be faithful to what is before you.
And I'm not always. Actually, I'm not often.
Be faithful in the small things first.
This helps. A lot. And the other things I've been reading and learning support this. That He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. That He works in us to will and to act according to His good purpose. That what seems like random threads He has purpose for & in. That these desires of my heart He has set there for a reason and that I need to trust and follow Him.
"Yup. I've been an actor for 10 years now." says he as he finishes off a grande nonfat, no foam, with whip, caramel macchiato. Oh the lingo that is now a daily part of my life.
I do some math in my head not counting elementary days of locking myself in my room and singing at the top of my lungs to The Commitments or Sister Act soundtracks, not counting when I was four and my aunts or Mom would hold my nose and tell me to say "Hello Max" like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard ( I knew to lift my chin and look down my plugged nose too sending them into peals of laughter), not counting Christmas pageants and chicken out auditions and summer theatre camps. Choosing to count from my first real production at the Old Opera House, aka my second home and local community theatre growing up, I total the math while pouring 2%.
"16 years for me." I say not a little proudly and with a happy smirk, not necessarily because I've chronologically one upped him- I am after all older than he is, but because I'm proud to say it's been that long that I've been an actor. Which makes the next part sting more.
"You're an actor?"
Oi. When I first learned Mark was an actor I didn't even throw in 'me too' because in most other settings of my life that's just been a given. It's what I did. Not so in this season of my life it seems. "You're an actor?"
It isn't the first time though that what I have considered such a substantial part of my identity hasn't even been known about me. I've waded through patronizing comments and outright laughter and confused looks while waiting tables on the boat. Sometimes I just wanted to scream out 'You don't understand! This is what I'm GOOD at!'
But I don't understand either really. I don't understand that it is something I"m good at and yet...
yet it's really hard for me to think of it in terms of an actual career. For myself at any rate. And after being in New York for a short time I feel I've stalled out somehow. And I question myself where it fits in my life. But while the question is still there withdrawal is setting in, it always does, and I want to do what I'm good at again. And I get really kooky.
And so while I take over for Mark whose shift is over I daydream about running away to LA. Watching clips of the Golden Globes and going to the movies with my roommate I crave to be in films. I am a goof and I love watching things like the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards. Seriously, it's like my Super bowl. And I do get excitedly involved as if touchdowns are happening for my home team. I like seeing all these actors familiar from the screen together in one room. It's just exciting.
So I daydream about LA. And I wonder what I'm doing with my life and what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and what God wants me to do with my life. And while making espresso drinks in Cleveland Clinic I remember this verse I stumbled on when I first moved here. It's in the Psalms and the part that comes to my mind is 'dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.'
Befriend faithfulness.
Earlier in this Psalm it also talks about delighting yourself in the Lord and Him giving you the desires of your heart. The desires of our heart are refined too and even changed sometimes as we do learn to delight ourselves in Him.
In these things I am encouraged even in the midst of work, in the midst of being really unsure. And when I get anxious and restless during the afternoon of coffee and customers and 'you're an actor?', wondering where I can best pursue what I'm good at, this answer comes back.
Befriend faithfulness.
Be faithful.
Right now, in this season, be faithful to what is before you.
And I'm not always. Actually, I'm not often.
Be faithful in the small things first.
This helps. A lot. And the other things I've been reading and learning support this. That He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. That He works in us to will and to act according to His good purpose. That what seems like random threads He has purpose for & in. That these desires of my heart He has set there for a reason and that I need to trust and follow Him.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Breaks
December 24th~2012
"Any special requests for Christmas? I'm guessing travelable?" read a text from my Mom a couple of weeks ago. In truth my answer was that all I wanted for Christmas was my a-fixed-up-tooth but I decided not to send a worrying response.
During an already emotionally down week I'd bit down wrong & felt a tooth give way and crack. The insurance I'm so happy to be getting soon would kick in in a month, but not sooner. So a cracked tooth was scary and not something I particularly wanted to deal with, but there it was.
This particular problem tooth had been giving me troubles since the year before. As an uninsured, acting student with a barely part time job in NYC, I went to a school of dentistry hoping for a quickish fix. Instead, after a long time and painful xrays that I needed much more work than I wanted or could afford or had to do with the immediate problem. I'd dealt with it since that time looking forward to when I could actually get the problem solved well.
And now this. Being so close to insurance and having the break was frustrating. The thought of dealing with a break uninsured was emotionally obnoxious and scary. Yet there was a feeling of resignation too. That this or worse hadn't already happened was a remarkable provision and so was the fact that there was no real pain in loosing half a tooth.
An email to my church community group leaders, David and Mary Bright, resulted in lots of prayers and a referral to their family dentist. Quick texts to co-workers meant a last minute shift switch that I was most grateful for and enabled me to make an appointment. The lack of pain was encouraging and I hoped and prayed that the dentist would be gracious and just do the bare minimum to keep that tooth healthy until it could be properly taken care of.
My friend Chiara gave me a ride two days later and conversation with her encouraged me. A break of another kind had made the week before the cracked tooth an emotionally difficult one. Her words and the time with her were encouraging and helpful and I felt calmer when we arrived at the dentist. Prayers for provision and graciousness were abundantly answered and I left the dentists office beyond calm, I left joyful.
Considering this was an initial appointment I had anticipated being rescheduled for a later point to actually get down to business. Instead, to my surprise, a Novocaine shot and less than an hour later this capable dentist had my tooth entirely taken care of. Even better was learning that dentistry school had been wrong in saying a root canal and crown were necessary. And EVEN better the bill for being made all better was the same I'd paid for the consultation last year that had resulted in this apparently fictional burden. All this made my weird Novocaine smile even more lopsided as my grin grew.
Breaks, of all kinds, suck. They're scary and no fun. But sometimes God uses them to get our attention and bring a wholeness or healing in a way we didn't expect. If my tooth hadn't cracked before I had insurance I would have chosen a dentist close by and not gone to such a helpful one further away. And would have missed the encouraging conversation with my friend.
I would have felt in control but I'm not at all sure the provision would have been nearly like this.
I'm not saying anything new here, I realize that, but though the principle may seem obvious, for me it's easy to forget the obvious. Sometimes the obvious thing eludes me exactly when I need it most. So when the Lord lets me experience 'the obvious' in my own story and not just as a truth or principle, it's so good. One of my favorite things is that while this recent provision itself was beautiful to experience it didn't stop there. God used it as a picture for an area of my life where it was more applicable, more necessary to remember, but less tangible to see.
~
Yesterday I found the seat saved for me by my friend Abbey in the Centrum Theatre where we go to church and happily sang with her and the rest of the congregation that hadn't yet gone away for the holidays. It occurred to me as we stood worshiping our Savior that while my initial reason for moving to Cleveland hadn't worked out that there were still beautiful things about being here for which I was grateful. And worshiping and learning and growing with the people at Gateway Heights church is high on that list. I don't plan to stay in Cleveland for very, very long and in many ways that makes my life feel very patchworky. However, God is sovereign and He uses all things to shape and place us. He uses all things to His glory and for the good of those who love Him. Lately I'm reminded of this and in this, in Him, there is peace.
' Praise the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever. '
"Any special requests for Christmas? I'm guessing travelable?" read a text from my Mom a couple of weeks ago. In truth my answer was that all I wanted for Christmas was my a-fixed-up-tooth but I decided not to send a worrying response.
During an already emotionally down week I'd bit down wrong & felt a tooth give way and crack. The insurance I'm so happy to be getting soon would kick in in a month, but not sooner. So a cracked tooth was scary and not something I particularly wanted to deal with, but there it was.
This particular problem tooth had been giving me troubles since the year before. As an uninsured, acting student with a barely part time job in NYC, I went to a school of dentistry hoping for a quickish fix. Instead, after a long time and painful xrays that I needed much more work than I wanted or could afford or had to do with the immediate problem. I'd dealt with it since that time looking forward to when I could actually get the problem solved well.
And now this. Being so close to insurance and having the break was frustrating. The thought of dealing with a break uninsured was emotionally obnoxious and scary. Yet there was a feeling of resignation too. That this or worse hadn't already happened was a remarkable provision and so was the fact that there was no real pain in loosing half a tooth.
An email to my church community group leaders, David and Mary Bright, resulted in lots of prayers and a referral to their family dentist. Quick texts to co-workers meant a last minute shift switch that I was most grateful for and enabled me to make an appointment. The lack of pain was encouraging and I hoped and prayed that the dentist would be gracious and just do the bare minimum to keep that tooth healthy until it could be properly taken care of.
My friend Chiara gave me a ride two days later and conversation with her encouraged me. A break of another kind had made the week before the cracked tooth an emotionally difficult one. Her words and the time with her were encouraging and helpful and I felt calmer when we arrived at the dentist. Prayers for provision and graciousness were abundantly answered and I left the dentists office beyond calm, I left joyful.
Considering this was an initial appointment I had anticipated being rescheduled for a later point to actually get down to business. Instead, to my surprise, a Novocaine shot and less than an hour later this capable dentist had my tooth entirely taken care of. Even better was learning that dentistry school had been wrong in saying a root canal and crown were necessary. And EVEN better the bill for being made all better was the same I'd paid for the consultation last year that had resulted in this apparently fictional burden. All this made my weird Novocaine smile even more lopsided as my grin grew.
Breaks, of all kinds, suck. They're scary and no fun. But sometimes God uses them to get our attention and bring a wholeness or healing in a way we didn't expect. If my tooth hadn't cracked before I had insurance I would have chosen a dentist close by and not gone to such a helpful one further away. And would have missed the encouraging conversation with my friend.
I would have felt in control but I'm not at all sure the provision would have been nearly like this.
I'm not saying anything new here, I realize that, but though the principle may seem obvious, for me it's easy to forget the obvious. Sometimes the obvious thing eludes me exactly when I need it most. So when the Lord lets me experience 'the obvious' in my own story and not just as a truth or principle, it's so good. One of my favorite things is that while this recent provision itself was beautiful to experience it didn't stop there. God used it as a picture for an area of my life where it was more applicable, more necessary to remember, but less tangible to see.
~
Yesterday I found the seat saved for me by my friend Abbey in the Centrum Theatre where we go to church and happily sang with her and the rest of the congregation that hadn't yet gone away for the holidays. It occurred to me as we stood worshiping our Savior that while my initial reason for moving to Cleveland hadn't worked out that there were still beautiful things about being here for which I was grateful. And worshiping and learning and growing with the people at Gateway Heights church is high on that list. I don't plan to stay in Cleveland for very, very long and in many ways that makes my life feel very patchworky. However, God is sovereign and He uses all things to shape and place us. He uses all things to His glory and for the good of those who love Him. Lately I'm reminded of this and in this, in Him, there is peace.
' Praise the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever. '
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Bite Size
It's a simple fact that bite sized midnight milky ways are even better than the full size candy bar. Okay, it's a 'simple fact' that my opinion is such at any rate. Not that I'm not hating on the full size version of my favorite candy bar, just saying that bite size is an even better thing. Why? Because there's more semisweet chocolate to marshmallowy nougat ratio. It's perfect. And given that it's a darn good candy bar to begin with, improving on greatness in a bite sized snippet like that is pretty impressive.
Another area where I've discovered the beauty of a snippet is in postcards. I used to be of the mind that a letter worth writing was worth writing long. To be worthy of sending I thought I needed to embark on a veritable novel. Apparently I had not yet stumbled upon Blaise Pascal's words, “I'm sorry I wrote you such a long letter; I didn't have time to write a short one.” In the last couple of years though I've discovered that I enjoy simply hearing from someone, and small notes from dear friends make me very happy. Along with this I recognized what a great little thing postcards are and started sending more of them and notes too. A postcard is agreat little snippet because it can bring the receiver a bit of where you are in a visual sense as well as forcing the writer to either focus on a single moment or edit a full experience into a few sentences. It's a great exercise in editing yourself. Which is something that I could often use.
"Bite sizes" are on my brain because of the inspiration of a wonderful woman whose radio ministry I benefit from- Joni Erickson Tada. Joni's ministry, Joni & Friends, includes daily encouragements & devotionals in 5 & 1 minutes segments. I used to hear her as a kid when WCRH was on at our house and when I was living in NYC last year I rediscovered these clips online. Keeping on track & motivated was often difficult in the Big Apple and I was looking for something to spurn me on. Dragging myself out of bed to get to Manahattan and the stockrooms at Macy's it was great to be able to listen to Joni remind me of the goodness of Christ, and Whose I am, and encourage me in living in the light. And because I often got up twenty minutes before I needed to head out the door it was great to know there was something short but meaningful to help start my day right.
While listening to her out of the blue the other day-it had been a while since I'd listened to a clip- I found it inspiring that she was faithful to this part of her ministry that looks like such a small thing time wise but has a big impact. It made me start wondering what I could do in five minutes. In one minute. Mostly in terms of what skills and gifts God has given me to use. Where can those go?Writing a full length play seems daunting. But can I get onto working some sketches? What can I do in bite sizes?
Not just me though. The reason Joni's work is so effective is because it is centered in God in Christ. It's not just her work. She's doing it but it's the work God gave her to do. That's something crucial for me to remember as I look to work on bitesizes. So I'm going to be praying about & taking action in bitesizes. Because little midnight milky ways are delightful.
Another area where I've discovered the beauty of a snippet is in postcards. I used to be of the mind that a letter worth writing was worth writing long. To be worthy of sending I thought I needed to embark on a veritable novel. Apparently I had not yet stumbled upon Blaise Pascal's words, “I'm sorry I wrote you such a long letter; I didn't have time to write a short one.” In the last couple of years though I've discovered that I enjoy simply hearing from someone, and small notes from dear friends make me very happy. Along with this I recognized what a great little thing postcards are and started sending more of them and notes too. A postcard is agreat little snippet because it can bring the receiver a bit of where you are in a visual sense as well as forcing the writer to either focus on a single moment or edit a full experience into a few sentences. It's a great exercise in editing yourself. Which is something that I could often use.
"Bite sizes" are on my brain because of the inspiration of a wonderful woman whose radio ministry I benefit from- Joni Erickson Tada. Joni's ministry, Joni & Friends, includes daily encouragements & devotionals in 5 & 1 minutes segments. I used to hear her as a kid when WCRH was on at our house and when I was living in NYC last year I rediscovered these clips online. Keeping on track & motivated was often difficult in the Big Apple and I was looking for something to spurn me on. Dragging myself out of bed to get to Manahattan and the stockrooms at Macy's it was great to be able to listen to Joni remind me of the goodness of Christ, and Whose I am, and encourage me in living in the light. And because I often got up twenty minutes before I needed to head out the door it was great to know there was something short but meaningful to help start my day right.
While listening to her out of the blue the other day-it had been a while since I'd listened to a clip- I found it inspiring that she was faithful to this part of her ministry that looks like such a small thing time wise but has a big impact. It made me start wondering what I could do in five minutes. In one minute. Mostly in terms of what skills and gifts God has given me to use. Where can those go?Writing a full length play seems daunting. But can I get onto working some sketches? What can I do in bite sizes?
Not just me though. The reason Joni's work is so effective is because it is centered in God in Christ. It's not just her work. She's doing it but it's the work God gave her to do. That's something crucial for me to remember as I look to work on bitesizes. So I'm going to be praying about & taking action in bitesizes. Because little midnight milky ways are delightful.
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