Last night Wolfgang and I laughed ourselves silly over the cinematic gem that is The Batman Movie. Christian Bale has nothing on Adam West. Ohmigosh. In this mozzarella fest of a B movie we have four "super" villains with the "minimum objective of taking over the world". Their plan? To dehydrate the bickering members of the UN into multicolored pixie dust and ransom the dust to their respective countries. Yeah dehydration. The villains succeed in the dehydration part but fortunately Batman and Robin get to them in time for a Bam!Pow!Whap! fight in broad daylight. After the brightly colored fight the dust gets knocked over AND sneezed on so that all the ambassadors are mixed up! Fortunately Batman has a Molecular Dust Separator in the Batcave and he and Robin put on aprons and make it all better while giving a play by play to the commissioner on the red bat phone. The commissioner or relays information to the President who incredibly relays it to the whole world. Strangely the world doesn't get a colorful phone, just a microphone. "We are ready to rehydrate!" the message goes out internationally. Now I'm not usually one to give away the ends of movies but this is just...too much. We finally get the colorful dust that is the UN into their seperate seats and Batman carefully rehydrates them with a handy dandy water cooler (it's not just any water cooler, don't be foolish! It has an official Bat Rehydration plaque on it.) Only one problem...the men have not stopped arguing and now... oh no! They've switched languages! Some molecules have been mixed up. Batman doesn't seem to be too concerned though. Before the "nananananananananananananananana" music and credits we get this fine line assuring us it will all be okay;
Batman: Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity! Let's go, but, inconspicuously, through the window. We'll use our Batropes. Our job is finished.
As good as all of that is my favorite scene has to be the ridding of the bomb where Batman is running with a lit bomb around a dock, once again in broad daylight. He tries going this way but Oh No! Not the nuns Batman! Then over here, but No! Not the Baby! What's this? A marching band?! Try again, try again! There's the dock edge, throw it into the sea! (Sea means C for Catwoman by the way. Robin has this wonderful epiphany when they're trying to figure out which villains are involved.) But no! Lovers in a boat! Other side Batman, other side! NO! Ducklings! It's about to blow! So of course now we do the rotation of Nun, Baby, Marching Band again and then POW! Robin runs to see what happened. Fortunately (?) Batman found iron rods to hide behind as he thrust the bomb over a finally cleared piece of dock. Whew. Robin is amazed that Batman was willing to risk himself instead of throw the bomb into the bar.Batman: They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're still human beings.
I'm searching through IMDB movie lines to try and find the exact wording of some of my favorites to share with you. It's a goldmine though and I'm really going to have to pare it down. I highly recommend looking it up yourself. Or if you have not seen this movie maybe you just need to check it out for yourself. oh oh! I forgot about the self sacrificing porpoises. And so many other unbelievable bits that I can't fit here. Seriously, you have to see this movie. In the mean time enjoy these tidbits.
Robin: Gosh, drinking's sure a filthy thing isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes.
Batman: Uhuh.
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Commissioner Gordon: Penguin, Joker, Riddler... and Catwoman, too! The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate!
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Catwoman: Marry me, Batman!
Batman: But what about Robin?
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Robin: Support your police! That's our message!
Batman: Well said, Robin... and no better way to end this press conference... thank you, and good day.
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Batman: Confound it, the batteries are dead!
Batman: Some days, you just can't git rid of a bomb.
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Penguin: Shut up, you feline floozy!
[on the phone]
Vice Admiral Fangschliester: Your tone sounds rather grim. We haven't done anything foolish, have we?
[reproachfully]
Batman: Disposing a pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses... Good day, Admiral!
[they hang up]
Vice Admiral Fangschliester: Gosh!
I wonder if Batman is aware of how many people have been driven to drink while watching this movie? :)
ReplyDeleteGood stuff. Kind of.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed....what about Robin, I ask?
ReplyDelete