November Greys

"So have you finished school?"

I hate this question.

"No," (deep breath to enable shortened spiel) "I took theatre classes at Belhaven College but I wasn't pursuing a degree. After that I did two internships and now...well I'm trying to figure out what's next."

"Ah." they say with arched eyebrows.

I'm twenty four years old and crashing with my parents. I'm tired of sponging and want to know what I'm doing next. I've really enjoyed the time with my family but I'm ready to be able to answer the question "What are you doing right now?" Of course I am an allegedly creative person so I could come up with some much more interesting answers than the regular ( and I do mean spouted often ) response. Of course when I was in Tennessee and told Mom's family that I was pursuing acting and was currently 'in transition' the room would get very quiet and then someone would change the subject. Plus I don't wear make-up and I like to eat. I believe that I am an anomaly to them.

I not only want to know what's 'next' but what it is I'm working towards. It was encouraging this weekend to hear Cate Blanchett say that when she went to acting school she had a sort of vague idea of what she was wanted but wasn't particularly working towards being a film star. And when asked why she and her husband decided to run a theatre in Australia she didn't seem to know quite how that had come about either. By that I don't mean she sounded like a ditz, not in the least. Cate Blanchett is most certainly not a ditz. She simply gave the impression that it wasn't so much a determined goal as a natural progression. That's hopeful for me.

The last few days have been a little difficult for me. Internally I mean. Head and heart. I had the amazing privilege of going to DC and seeing Cate Blanchett both perform and speak. Usually when I see exquisite work, or hear someone in my hoped for field talk about their work, I get fired up and inspired about acting. The show was incredible but that expected feeling of wanting to jump on a stage asap wasn't as strong as I thought it would be. Now granted, I have had other things on my mind and have been in sort of a melancholy crankiness the past few days so that may contribute to the dampening of sparks.

Parts of the conflict and confusion that make a big dark November cloud for melancholy to dwell?
A stronger desire for roots, a place to 'unpack', to at least be based...and not knowing where that is.
An uncertainty of where and how far to pursue acting. What do I want? How does God want me to use it?
The desire to start a family and wondering where acting fits in with that. A strange feeling that maybe that desire is becoming larger, but knowing that it wouldn't be right for me to completely give it up.
A need for a church home, Christian fellowship and accountability, spiritual food.
Not wanting to be terribly far from home and family. (Though don't think I've given up my traveling days. I just would like to do it from a home base.)

Yesterday I woke up and I felt like I didn't even know how to pray. It was truly frustrating and yesterday was the peak of crankiness. God is good and He is faithful and I had some sunshine encounters with good friends throughout my grey day. Thank You Lord for how You work in my life.

Tomorrow I leave for Falster Farm in Winnsboro, Texas for two weeks. I've spent an Easter and a Thanksgiving at Falster Farm with my dear friend Bonnie and some of our friends. The farm belongs to Bonnie's mom and stepdad. We got to work hard, eat healthy and enjoy good fellowship. I've wanted to go back and work on the farm for a long time and never have the opportunity. And now I do. So I'm going to spend some time there and I'm going to pray, and think and work and pray. I hope to learn some more about preparing healthy food from Mrs. Falster. I hope to be helpful to the Falsters while I'm there and do some wholesome farm work. I hope to milk goats! And meet the cow that shares my name. And I hope to clear my head a little and come back with a better idea of 'what's next'. I would appreciate your prayers too and if you have anything that you would like me to pray for then please don't hesitate to let me know. I'm taking a facebook break but I intend to be on here, e-mail and cell phone. I love a good snail mail note too.

Alright, time to finish packing up! Thanks for reading. Have a lovely night.

Richly Blessed

Today I took a walk on the C&O with Mom, Julie and Kaitlyn. My shoes were still wet from our five hour hike on the AT yesterday so I decided to take my ruby reds JIC and barefoot it like the old days. The days when the Gypsy's reigned. :smile: Lukas asked me last night whatever happened to the Gypsy's. 'We grew up I guess.' I answered, but I wasn't satisfied with that reply. Most of us are still Neverlanders so 'growing up' doesn't seem to say it right. I mean we moved from home, went to school, got married, had babies. "Not all of us." I clarified, warding off his smart comments about being married. 'I was going to say.' Lukas commented.

I used to go barefoot everywhere and then I got suddenly germ conscious after learning at an Arbonne presentation that whatever hits your skin can be absorbed into your bloodstream. But lately I've been re inspired to go it barefoot. According to Kaitlyn, who is one very smart cookie which makes her a knockout because she's got the brains and the beauty, going barefoot is better for your whole body. There's a whole barefoot society. If you go barefoot enough you build up callouses that protect your feet too. My friend MJ runs track and she actually started the inspiration to go shoeless again. (I never thought I would have to be re inspired to do that!) According to MJ the fastest runners in the world are from...shoot, I don't actually remember. I think Nigeria, though I'm not certain. Wherever they're from they run barefoot. So MJ does too. She trained that way and then asked her coach if she could compete barefoot. After her coach asked the judges there was a long debate but it turns out there are no actual rules against it and so MJ competes barefoot. You go girl.

And so today my barefeet took me from Maryland to West Virginia along the Potomac river with my Mama and two good friends. The pebbles were a rough way to toughen them up again but random spots of mud, soft ground and leaves were a welcome relief.

I'm so grateful to be back at home for the fall. I grew up in a truly beautiful place and I appreciate it even more now that I recognize that not everywhere is like this. This fall has been nice and long too, the leaves taking their time to change color, and retaining their flame orangeredsyellows late into October. Mom's been hiking nearly everyday and so now that I'm crashing at the Burrow I've gotten to be outside with her, my brothers, the Forsythes actually seeing and experiencing the beauty of the fall on a daily basis. It's good to spend time with family and friends in my home place.

'The Lord is good to me and so I thank the Lord for giving me the things I need the sun, and the rain and the appleseed the Lord is good to me.'

AmeriCorps*NCCC

I've been thinking a lot the past couple of days about story in regard to living out your life. This has been inspired but Don Miller's new book and by hearing him speak on the subject this week. I love story and so reading his ideas on applying the elements of story to how you live your life was very appealing to me. And finishing up the book this evening I'm reminded of a story I got to be a part of five years ago.

Tonight, in Boston, four of my team mates from AmeriCorps*NCCC are gathering together for our fifth year reunion. Don talks in his book about how conflict and memorable scenes are necessary to a great story. The AmeriPlayers most certainly had both. Our scenes took place all across the country, from Denver to DC, planting gardens, corralling children, deconstructing houses, moving 3 tons of rock 3 times (that is not an exaggeration, trying not to go postal in cubicles doing inane work during hurricane season, performing in a variety of locations, swimming in our underwear, oh my goodness the list could go on. And we certainly had our conflict, without which I can attest to what Mr Miller says in his book, we would not have grown as close as we did, would not have had a great story. And now we talk about those conflicts at our reunions as if they're unattached to us.

I miss them today and I'm sad I'm not there. But I'm grateful that we've kept in touch, grateful for the times we've had, glad that I got to see some of them last weekend. We met up in DC to see Mel's (our teamleader)draft performance of her new play. Whenever we meet up again we slip into our rhythm right away, as though however much time hasn't passed. We've integrated new parts into our lives, of course, but Jeanna is Jeanna and asks Jeanna questions in a Jeanna way and so it goes with each of us. I love it. After the play and the party we went to Baltimore and stayed up until 5 in the morning talking about life now and life then and other peoples lives and life in between. I never stay up that late but I truly enjoyed it. I'm glad to be part of that story.

And so those of you in Boston, I hope you have a beautiful time this weekend. And I hope that next year we can all make it. I love you each,
Your Feet

New Route

Well the weekend in Charlottesville was wonderful and I had a lovely time visiting with my good friend Bonnie. The audition was a lot of fun and I think that it went well. I'll know about what happens next by Thanksgiving.

As for DC, I decided on Tuesday to go with the Realtor's original decision and not move to the city. I'm more than okay with this and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. It does put me back in that category of not knowing what next steps are but as Jennifer Jackson so encouragingly put it, "God knows." She's the lady I knew at the house in DC and I am so grateful for her kindness and understanding.

Thank you so much for your prayers and care. If you think of it please pray that the girls will find a roommate soon and also that new doors will open up for me. I do plan to still move from South Riding and hope to crash at home for a bit while pursuing new possibilities. (I've yet to ask my Mom about this so, uh, I hope that's okay. * ;) )

This update is a little artless but I wanted to at least let people know what was going on. Thanks again!

* I did check with Mom before posting. ;) Thanks Mom!

Next Steps Road Block. Detour or New Destination?

Hello All~
In an effort to not push numerous notes and messages of updates on unsuspecting readers I'm going to attempt to keep things up here so that whoever wishes to come see can and the rest won't have an inundation of 'Faith news'. It's changing rapidly lately so the notes keep coming.

Most of you know that I've been in the process of preparing to move to DC mid-October. The ladies of the rowhouse invited me to take their soon to be married rommies place and I've been quite excited about it. This morning I received an e-mail from the real estate office saying that my application could not go further because I didn't have sufficient income.

I'm working as a waitress at a newly opened restaurant so we're gaining business as we go and weekdays are slow. However due to the help of my Aunt Donna and Uncle Dave letting me stay with them (they feed me too!) I haven't had very many expenses and have been able to save. And the plan was to get a waitressing job at a high traffic (seems they all are) restaurant in DC once I moved.

I'm not ready to simply throw in the towel and intend to ask them if there's anything else I can do. However if this is a closed door, I'm willing to accept that too and God's timing has been so good in this whole process (who am I kidding, it always is. But this time it seems visible in the short term not just looking back) that I know whatever happens is for a reason. He is so good and He always provides for me.

So I could use prayers that the right doors will be open and others firmly shut. I think it's time for a new step whether or not this is it. And prayers that whatever the outcome is the girls will find a room mate soon.

It's interesting that I found out today. Originally tomorrow was the move-in date but it was extended to mid-Oct which was good at the time and even better now. There have been blessings in the date change, one being that after it did I found out that I've been invited to auditions at the American Shakespeare Center tomorrow. I get to visit dear friends from Jackson for the weekend and audition for a company that I really want to work for. God is so good! And He is faithful. I'm excited to see where things lead though it may not look like I thought it would.

Thanks for reading! have a lovely fall day and I'll try to be back soon.
Faith

Cephus and Wiggins

I didn't have to go into work until 5:00 yesterday and it was lovely to have a full afternoon and still get to work a good shift. Before going in I thought "Lord, it would be nice to see a familiar face tonight, someone that I love." So having thought this my joy was double when I look across the restaurant to see my pretty Aunt Jen. I caught her up in a hug and had to keep from crying I was so happy. With her were my Uncle Danny, their friend Donnie and (talk about double joys)my handsome darling twin cousins, Chuck and Jacob or Cephus and Wiggins as we like to call them.

I hadn't seen them since Easter and they have grown so much! I'm certain that I broke some codes of professional conduct and was definitly distracted but no one complained, including my boss who was out on the floor and saw me covering their big heads and beautiful faces in kisses. Such good babies! I thought they were asleep in their double stroller when they came in but no, they were just calmly sitting and looking around. They didn't cry or verbally fuss at all, and they were so happy.
I'm in love.

Take Me Home Down Country Roads...

It's September and the nights are getting cooler. I love that. Last weekend I got to go visit my family. The Burrow on the mountain, by the river and in the woods was a welcome relief from Kamazotz, land of sameness. Don't get your mental pictures skewed though, as I was trying to write a friend about the delights of sitting outside on a perfect cool morning my nerves were being shot everytime Sam came in slamming the door and clapping his hands. It isn't meant to perfect down here.

Being in a place where I can actually visit home is certainly nice. I'm grateful to my aunt and uncle for allowing me to use their house as a launching pad for whatever comes next. (Updates to come. I finally sent my headshot and resume to Blackfriar's!)I like my job at Vintage 51 and I like the people that I work with. They are kind to me and I'm able to get rides to and from work.

The guys in the kitchen like that I'm a 'West Virginia girl'. Kitchen Steve learned this becuase the day I went back I was surprisingly emotional, I suppose about the transition from trees to suburbia in its scariest form. I didn't know that the kitchen was full of guys from the mountains too and apparently he told them all I was a mountain girl. Cole started singing about the Shenandoah river and he and Steve talked about land they have up in the mountains. It's kind of comforting in the middle of this polished Pleasantville to have these guys who understand what I miss.

At the restaurant we serve a lot of local products. Our meat all comes from a farm in Purcellville where the animals are grass fed and pasture rotated. You can taste the difference and we make the best burger I've ever had. Our cheese fondue rocks too and so do our french fries, potato salad, and spicy mussels. Not neccesarily in that order. You should come see me and eat some of our food. We have good beer too. And as of today a cappucino machine.

And now my brain is blanking. For three days I'd been off of sugar again and I also wasn't watching tv. I could hear my thoughts again and my head was clearing, and energy was returning. But today began with the Fractured Prune and in that regard has been downhill sense. But that's okay. There's tomorrow.

Oh and all that about Sam slamming doors being said, he helped me make my bed that night in that caring way he has. I think I'll keep him.