Ducks and Cranes

Well. Here we are again. My paper cranes aren't moving after all. I'm back at 'what's next?' with the temptation to dive in and figure it out though I still need time to re-evaluate. I feel redundant. But that seems slightly silly because it's been a happening four months. The happening didn't go the way I'd planned, but it doesn't mean it wasn't an adventure or a learning/growing experience. It doesn't mean it wasn't a good experience either. Because it was.

But I do feel redundant. I'm back again to the same questions of 'what' & 'where'. Not to mention 'how'. Right now 'what' is a nap, 'where' is Sam's top bunk, and 'how' is getting off of this smallish update and lying down. :smile: And I suppose one moment at a time is a good way to take it. I just don't do well that way. I like many moments all lined up. But ducks don't like to stay in a row all the time. So happy napping for now. :)

"Let me 'splain. No there is too much. Let me sum up."*

Hullo again! I haven't been here in a while and much has happened this new year. Yesterday I was in the kitchen with Mom and Luke (ummmm, not my little brother) and I said
"I really need to blog soon. I haven't updated at all on anything that's been happening."
To which my Mom replied,
"We know."
Apparently she doesn't know how to answer the question 'so what is Faith up to now?' because of it and so quite a bit of updating is in order as well as an introduction...

It seems my paper cranes and I have found our new place to land and this time it's halfway across the world. The above mentioned Luke, the one who isn't my brother but was brought to my family via other brother Devan, is a missionary to China. He teaches English to kindergarten and primary school children and began winning Devan over to the idea of doing the same. Dev brought him home for Thanksgiving where he began winning me over in more ways than one. After much prayer and seeking on both our parts we are pursuing relationship with one another and in May we are going, with paper cranes, to China.

Currently we're both in West Virginia enjoying the community here, preparing for China, learning about one another, and experiencing the whirlwind of this adventure that God has us on. Luke moved to the area from Lynchburg in February and is renting a room at a friend's house. At the time we didn't know that we were headed to China in the spring. He was willing to stay in the states for a couple of years, or longer, if I wanted/needed to pursue further training as an actress. In February we met with his boss who happened to be in the states for an holiday. He shared his vision with us and I saw that though I knew what passions God has laid on my heart I didn't have a particular "where" when it came to pursuing them. Luke did. Luke knows where his heart and ministry are and I knew I wanted to be near him as we move forward to see if God is calling us to marriage. So I chose China.

God is so good and He is faithful. As we step forward in this adventure we have already encountered so much. God has provided each of us (Devan is part of this adventure as well though he hasn't entirely determined if he's coming or not.) with jobs, and jobs that we enjoy! (The boys have a great story about that actually. Come by Jumpin Java and I'll tell you about it while I make your mocha.) We have met with challenges that are shaping, revealing, sharpening, and growing us. We continually see prayers being answered and wait in expectation for others to unfold. It is exciting and it has been a whirlwind. I laugh to think of how I always thought that being in God's timing meant a lot of waiting. Which it often does, but I never realized until now that sometimes it means things happen very quickly as well.

So as you can see there is much to cover. This is a sum-up and as we prepare for the trip I will be intentional in updating. Later this week I'll give you more of an introduction to Luke and I'll soon tell you more about what we'll be doing and such. I'll also be setting up an e-mail update for those who are specifically interested in supporting our ministry in prayer so please let me know if that's something you'd like to be a part of.

I hope that wherever you are reading this that you are having a beautiful Sunday, a beautiful week leading to Easter, a beautiful year full of His grace, mercy and love. Thank you for reading! More to come.


*Inigo Montoya ~ The Princess Bride

' The Timing My Dear'*

"Ten years ago I responded to letters within a couple of weeks and kept my correspondents happy. Five years ago I faxed a response in a couple of days and they seemed content. Now they want email responses the same day and berate me for not using instant messaging or a mobile phone." - Phillip Yancey, 'Prayer'

I used to be really good about letter writing. When I was in AmeriCorps* five years ago that was how I mostly kept in touch with people. I had an e-mail account but I was adamant about handwritten letters. I remember having an argument with a fellow Corps member about the importance of handwritten letters. My 'conclusive evidence' involved bringing down a shoebox full of correspondence from loved ones at home. I have letters from most phases of my life and it's a happy thing. The last couple of years though, that habit has really dwindled and sputtered.

I've been staring at this screen for too long today. I come to it as if it's a Magic Eight Ball or something. As if I stare long enough it will unlock the key to what my future holds. While I concede that it is a helpful tool, it doesn't work the way this behavior would make it seem.

Yesterday I visited a church nearby. I truly miss my church in Indiana. Rachel Hendricks handed me a bulletin and when I looked at the sermon title it brought a smile to my face. 'Wet Feet Faith'. For anyone unaware, my nickname is 'Feet' so the double sight of my name felt like a 'pay attention. I love you' from my heavenly Father. The sermon was about stepping out in faith to do the seemingly impossible that we're called to.

For myself I wonder lately if that's an intensive Acting school. One of the things that stuck out to me most was how stepping out in faith towards God's call is stepping and doesn't mean you are going to get there tomorrow. Actually I guess there isn't really a 'there' anyway. It's a journey and the call isn't the end. That to say, when I wonder if God is calling me to formal training as an actress I often feel like it has to happen TOMORROW and I get discouraged. It's hard to remember one step at a time.

The pastor was specifically referring to the recent acquisition of a building for their church. They've been meeting as a church for eight years and began the process of looking for a building maybe three years ago. It's been 369 days since they started the offers on their new building which they just closed on. The first step takes an initial decision of this moment in time but there are many steps after that. And God is faithful in each of them. Often they don't lead where we expect or the destination looks much different than we'd thought. But God is faithful. We think in destinations but the destination isn't the point.

The church went through a vocal summary of what has been included in their history as a church family following each paragraph by saying 'He has been faithful' as a congregation. Like a Psalm. I liked that. Rocks of remembrance. I'd like to do that with my own journey. Because He has been. And He is. And I look forward to seeing how He will be.

I could really use your prayers for direction in this waiting time. I'm at the Burrow right now enjoying some time with my family and trying not to go batty not knowing what's next. On Saturday I leave for one of my dearest friends weddings. She's a good letter writer. :smile: That's how we first met actually. She's like my little sister and I'm glad I'll get to spend time with her before her big day. Then it's back home for Christmas. My brother Dev may be making a big move in February (prayers there too please) and so I'm thinking I'd like to be around here for the next couple of months. That's what I've got for now. :smile: I'm praying for clarity in direction, for where to be, for if I should pursue Acting school and if so how and where. Mostly I'm praying for Where. Thanks for reading. Please let me know how I can pray for you too.
I'd say Happy Christmas but hopefully it won't be that long between blogs this time. ;)

*blog title stolen from an Devan/Greg original

Wynken, Binker and Nod

I woke up this morning (tues) to see the stars. Did you? Last night I discovered that there was going to be a meteor shower so I set my alarm for 2 am to catch some of it. I was very tired though and my alarm didn't wake me up, a dream did. It was very cold and I was glad for the down comfortor that Nancy laid on my bed yesterday. I bundled up in stockings and things and wrapped the down around me. The night sky here, meteors or no, is incredible. There is little light pollution so the celestial visibility is quite clear. I saw a few. One, round and luminous, took its time on its journey. Others were quick and small, causing you to be surprised you'd even seen it. It really is like a dance up there.

~~~

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of His hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night the display knowledge.

There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.

Psalm 19:1-4

~~~

Last night I watched the night sky with the Brandon's. Whitlock and Holman or, as I call them, Binker and Nod. They came to see me and we remeinced about old times at Tiffany's, Belhaven, Jackson. When I woke up this morning my voice was hoarse from all the talking and laughing. It was good to laugh and laugh through past stories and present ones. I miss being with those people nearly every day but I enjoy seeing the pattern each of our lives take, seeing how we cross the sky. And I enjoy the eclectic reunions we find, new memories being made with whoever is closest, which changes as we shift our geography.

~ ~ ~

Symmetry

"It's not weird. It's...symmetrical."

-Pushing Daisies

Today was milder at Falster Farm than it has been. The sun a little dimmer and the air cooler. This surprised me at first until Nancy and I remembered that it is November after all. Despite this there are three fully bloomed yellow irises in the garden out front and Nancy just pickled the last pick of baby cucumbers.

Life here has been full and busy thus the lack of updates. Karl is a retired United States Marine and this week we went to the Marines Birthday Ball. Nancy had a dress for me to wear and we all dressed up and had a good evening amidst the old Marines and their wives. I was even rescued by a young Marine. My table company dissipated homeward and dance floor bound, and he asked me to dance. Karl and Nancy danced more than any one and they looked fabulous.

We also took a trip to Tyler and I went to the Rose Garden while Nancy and Karl ran an errand. It was simply lovely. I didn't realize there were so many different kinds of roses and I felt quite like Alice wandering about Wonderland or Looking Glass World.
That morning I received a text from my dear friend Scott whom I haven't heard from in a long time. Busy school semesters. Unfortunately his text wasn't actually text and I wasn't sure I could open it. Scott and I used to take walks to smell the roses in Belhaven gardens. I missed him and those walks as I meandered among the roses in Scott's home state. When I texted to tell him so he wrote back ' That's what I sent you this morning! ' He'd sent a picture of a rose that very morning. I do love friendly serendipity.

Serendipity and symmetry. The last time I visited Falster Farm two years ago I told Bonnie and Kaelen that I had decided it was my last semester at Belhaven. That night at Bonnie asked Karl to get champagne and she toasted to my immediate future and our friendship. Arriving at the Farm last week I told Nancy about seeking out my next steps, short and long term. She poured us glasses of homemade chocolate orange wine and toasted my Farm visit. "May it be revealing."

Seeking mayn't look exactly as I thought it would but I am learning and growing and finding. A long walk today helped me see that. I'm learning through conversations with Nancy and Karl, watching life around me, helping with housework. My Mom taught us that some of the best learning goes initially unrealized. That's how this is. I'm learning without even realizing it. It's amazing what God can use to teach us. 'The earth is filled with His glory.'

This week I read that the word 'antibiotic' means 'against life'. Antibiotics have been overused in the medical industry and destroy more life in out bodies than the illness they are intended for. 'Kamazotz' was an antibiotic. Sterile sameness. Everything clean and together and to what purpose? Life is stifled.

Falster Farm is a 'probiotic' (with life). There is manure and dirt and mud and LIFE. The refrigerator looks like a science project because Nancy knows the benefits of fermented foods. The fermentation in the sauerkraut, kefir, yogurt, etc. is literally full of life that is good for your body. There is very little waste and the scraps that there are go to feed the chickens which provide more food. The kitchen doesn't stay tidy because it is in constant use providing, sustaining, nurturing life.

From dirt, manure and scraps come grass and milk and eggs.

And yellow irises.

Sunshine in Texas

There's sunshine here! Smile.

I feel good already from healthy eating and I've been enjoying my time on the farm so far. Karl and Nancy are so kind to host me. Yesterday I met the cow that's named after me (I'll get pics up sometime)and helped move cows (they ran past Nancy and I! It was a little intimidating), and that was before church! We had a potluck at church and then came back and I got to talk with Kaelen on the phone out in the garden. After a Sunday nap I went riding with Nancy which I very much enjoyed even though Razz figured out that since I wasn't Karl he didn't neccesarily have to go when and where I told him. It was a beautiful day.

I'm getting in some good quiet time and prayer in addition to helping Nancy with some projects. I'll post some more later but thought I should at least give a little update.

Thanks for reading!

November Greys

"So have you finished school?"

I hate this question.

"No," (deep breath to enable shortened spiel) "I took theatre classes at Belhaven College but I wasn't pursuing a degree. After that I did two internships and now...well I'm trying to figure out what's next."

"Ah." they say with arched eyebrows.

I'm twenty four years old and crashing with my parents. I'm tired of sponging and want to know what I'm doing next. I've really enjoyed the time with my family but I'm ready to be able to answer the question "What are you doing right now?" Of course I am an allegedly creative person so I could come up with some much more interesting answers than the regular ( and I do mean spouted often ) response. Of course when I was in Tennessee and told Mom's family that I was pursuing acting and was currently 'in transition' the room would get very quiet and then someone would change the subject. Plus I don't wear make-up and I like to eat. I believe that I am an anomaly to them.

I not only want to know what's 'next' but what it is I'm working towards. It was encouraging this weekend to hear Cate Blanchett say that when she went to acting school she had a sort of vague idea of what she was wanted but wasn't particularly working towards being a film star. And when asked why she and her husband decided to run a theatre in Australia she didn't seem to know quite how that had come about either. By that I don't mean she sounded like a ditz, not in the least. Cate Blanchett is most certainly not a ditz. She simply gave the impression that it wasn't so much a determined goal as a natural progression. That's hopeful for me.

The last few days have been a little difficult for me. Internally I mean. Head and heart. I had the amazing privilege of going to DC and seeing Cate Blanchett both perform and speak. Usually when I see exquisite work, or hear someone in my hoped for field talk about their work, I get fired up and inspired about acting. The show was incredible but that expected feeling of wanting to jump on a stage asap wasn't as strong as I thought it would be. Now granted, I have had other things on my mind and have been in sort of a melancholy crankiness the past few days so that may contribute to the dampening of sparks.

Parts of the conflict and confusion that make a big dark November cloud for melancholy to dwell?
A stronger desire for roots, a place to 'unpack', to at least be based...and not knowing where that is.
An uncertainty of where and how far to pursue acting. What do I want? How does God want me to use it?
The desire to start a family and wondering where acting fits in with that. A strange feeling that maybe that desire is becoming larger, but knowing that it wouldn't be right for me to completely give it up.
A need for a church home, Christian fellowship and accountability, spiritual food.
Not wanting to be terribly far from home and family. (Though don't think I've given up my traveling days. I just would like to do it from a home base.)

Yesterday I woke up and I felt like I didn't even know how to pray. It was truly frustrating and yesterday was the peak of crankiness. God is good and He is faithful and I had some sunshine encounters with good friends throughout my grey day. Thank You Lord for how You work in my life.

Tomorrow I leave for Falster Farm in Winnsboro, Texas for two weeks. I've spent an Easter and a Thanksgiving at Falster Farm with my dear friend Bonnie and some of our friends. The farm belongs to Bonnie's mom and stepdad. We got to work hard, eat healthy and enjoy good fellowship. I've wanted to go back and work on the farm for a long time and never have the opportunity. And now I do. So I'm going to spend some time there and I'm going to pray, and think and work and pray. I hope to learn some more about preparing healthy food from Mrs. Falster. I hope to be helpful to the Falsters while I'm there and do some wholesome farm work. I hope to milk goats! And meet the cow that shares my name. And I hope to clear my head a little and come back with a better idea of 'what's next'. I would appreciate your prayers too and if you have anything that you would like me to pray for then please don't hesitate to let me know. I'm taking a facebook break but I intend to be on here, e-mail and cell phone. I love a good snail mail note too.

Alright, time to finish packing up! Thanks for reading. Have a lovely night.